Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have y ever forgiven a friend

75 replies

spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:08

So my best friend has blocked me cos I sent a txt last week saying that it was a bit mean of her to ghost me for weeks at a time. I know I shouldn't have sent the txt. It's my bad. But she's taken it v seriously
And has blocked me and said she didn't know what she wanted to do. It's a week now. I'm really struggling: I'm so cross with myself. And so sad. I can't even txt her or ring her cos I'm blocked. Have u ever forgiven a friend for a spur of the moment bad text.

OP posts:
CC222 · 23/10/2024 11:16

It sounds to me like she's been trying to distance herself from you for a while and after your text she jumped at the chance to just cut you off.
You didn't say anything wrong in your text btw, maybe she has just outgrown your friendship and is too cowardly to say.
It's can be hard to move on without ever really knowing what's happened but it doesn't look like she is ready for the friendship to continue right now and you deserve better from a friend anyway...

MrSeptember · 23/10/2024 11:17

So... she behaved badly and hurt you by refusing to engage with you, or talk to you for weeks? And now she is pissed off becuase you called her on it?

That's not a friend, I'm very sorry to say. YOu don't appear to have done anything wrong so unless it turns out she ghosted you because you had a huge fight and she needed to work through her feelings on it, I'd be considering moving on from this friendship.

I assume this is a pattern thoughj? Her ghosting, you being grateful when she returns?

MrSeptember · 23/10/2024 11:19

I just read your other thread. I think what's really relevant is what th eoriginal argument was about. It sounds like she told you she needed space and you didn't give her that space. So that's not great. But really, it depends on the original argument.

Walkinginthesand · 23/10/2024 11:25

"You didn't say anything wrong in your text btw, maybe she has just outgrown your friendship and is too cowardly to say."

How do you actually say this though without seriously hurting the other person's feelings? It would be a very difficult thing to say and only the most tactful and diplomatic would be able to communicate this without extreme upset. It is really some kind of fantasy that person A says this to person B who responds "I understand, take care." When one friend rejects the other it's always going to be fraught no matter how it's done, unless the feeling is mutual when it would be a relief.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:30

I'm just so stuck. I wish I could fix it. Even just smooth it over . I keep thinking about k. I wish we could just talk about it. Yeh I feel rejected and wish I could turn back the clock. I'd say she hasn't even given it much thought. I hate being blocked you just feel so powerless and just stuck I suppose. Am struggling to move on.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:31

I keep thinking about it. Not k 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:32

It's her daughter's 21st in a couple of weeks. Is it stalker-y to send her a birthday card. I know her since she was 5

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndI · 23/10/2024 11:34

If she's blocked you, the friendship is over.

Dont send any more messages or birthday cards. Yes that's stalkerish. She's made it clear.

I would block someone who thought they could demand my time too.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:38

I have nobody to talk to it about. Well I talked to my dd but she is at uni so I don't want to bother her. And I told another friend at the weekend who thought I had no hope really. I'm so sad. Feel like nobody likes me and I'm just destined to go thru life alone. I've kinda had enough of life really. Like what's the point putting effort into friendships when the other person can just decide they don't like you any more and then ghost you and then disappear completely if you mention it to them. If it wasn't for my kids I think I'd finish my life it's just so depressing. Am pulling myself thru each day. Everything is such a massive effort. I wonder does she even realize or care tho I know she doesn't so.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:41

Walkinginthesand · 23/10/2024 11:25

"You didn't say anything wrong in your text btw, maybe she has just outgrown your friendship and is too cowardly to say."

How do you actually say this though without seriously hurting the other person's feelings? It would be a very difficult thing to say and only the most tactful and diplomatic would be able to communicate this without extreme upset. It is really some kind of fantasy that person A says this to person B who responds "I understand, take care." When one friend rejects the other it's always going to be fraught no matter how it's done, unless the feeling is mutual when it would be a relief.

She's seriously hurt my feelings by blocking me anyway. It's not any less hurtful tbh.

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/10/2024 11:41

It sounds like she's been doing that cruel and cowardly 'slow ghosting until you get the hint' shit that often gets recommended on here as a way to dump a friend without having to have a difficult conversation and pretending it's kinder rather than admitting they don't have the balls to be honest.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/10/2024 11:43

spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:41

She's seriously hurt my feelings by blocking me anyway. It's not any less hurtful tbh.

Show quote history

No. It's not.
But that approach is not in any way intended to be a nicer way for the person on the receiving end. It's all about the person doing it not having to face the other person's feelings.

Opentooffers · 23/10/2024 11:43

You're talking as if it's a relationship ending, you sound very intense. If your response to her asking for space resulted in you accusing her of ghosting ( which it wasn't if she'd asked for space), it's not surprising you got blocked, as it seems its the only way she can get space from you. You ignored her when she asked for space and blamed her for not contacting you - do you get what space is?

sonjadog · 23/10/2024 11:46

I read your last thread. She wants you to give her space and you must respect this. No cards, no other gestures, no more contact. Let her have the space she needs. I understand that this is hard to you and you want contact to sort it out, but you are focussing so much on what you want to happen, that you are ignoring her needs. It is more likely that your friendship will resume if you respect that, than if you push and push for what you want.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:46

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/10/2024 11:41

It sounds like she's been doing that cruel and cowardly 'slow ghosting until you get the hint' shit that often gets recommended on here as a way to dump a friend without having to have a difficult conversation and pretending it's kinder rather than admitting they don't have the balls to be honest.

I feel it's really cruel of her. I'm so ashamed of myself. My self esteem couldn't be any lower.

OP posts:
horsesforcourses6 · 23/10/2024 11:47

On the last thread you posted you said she got in touch again to say you were being overbearing. Was this true?

Did you contact her again after this and she’s blocked you again?

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:47

Opentooffers · 23/10/2024 11:43

You're talking as if it's a relationship ending, you sound very intense. If your response to her asking for space resulted in you accusing her of ghosting ( which it wasn't if she'd asked for space), it's not surprising you got blocked, as it seems its the only way she can get space from you. You ignored her when she asked for space and blamed her for not contacting you - do you get what space is?

I'm sorry for what I did of it came across that way. I'm a selfish cunt aren't I

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndI · 23/10/2024 11:48

If she said your overbearing how much was you messaging her? Every day? Every few hours? Blowing up her phone?

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:52

horsesforcourses6 · 23/10/2024 11:47

On the last thread you posted you said she got in touch again to say you were being overbearing. Was this true?

Did you contact her again after this and she’s blocked you again?

So after the bad message I admit I did txt her on iMessage when I realized I was blocked on WhatsApp so I text her how sorry I was and couldn't talk it over and I didn't want to throw away all those years of friendship. She Tex me Fri nite saying she didn't know what she wanted to do something about no hard feelings but she was leaving it there u til she calmed down. I haven't messaged or done anything since then. That was Fri. I was hopeful for today as it happened a week ago: am in denial aren't I. I need to just forget about her. It feels like a break up just cos she was in my phone nearly every day: cheery little messages we exchanged nothing deep

OP posts:
horsesforcourses6 · 23/10/2024 11:52

On 18 October you posted:

So she texted me tonight. She is annoyed with me and felt I was too demanding. She didn't want to all about it and didn't know if she wants to say in touch with me. She wants time and space to think about it.

It hasn’t even been a week! STOP contacting this woman you are HARASSING her!

You are posting over and over about what an awful friend she is being to you but you are not being a friend to her! She has asked you to leave her alone and you need to respect that.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:53

MeMyCatsAndI · 23/10/2024 11:48

If she said your overbearing how much was you messaging her? Every day? Every few hours? Blowing up her phone?

No never. I was leaving it a week between messages the last 6 weeks or so.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:53

horsesforcourses6 · 23/10/2024 11:52

On 18 October you posted:

So she texted me tonight. She is annoyed with me and felt I was too demanding. She didn't want to all about it and didn't know if she wants to say in touch with me. She wants time and space to think about it.

It hasn’t even been a week! STOP contacting this woman you are HARASSING her!

You are posting over and over about what an awful friend she is being to you but you are not being a friend to her! She has asked you to leave her alone and you need to respect that.

Ok

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/10/2024 11:54

Don't you think it's time to accept she doesn't want to be friends and that what you are doing isn't helping change that?

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:56

Every day feels like a week. But yeh you're right. As I said I am a horrible nasty woman who doesn't deserve friends. You're right.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 23/10/2024 11:57

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/10/2024 11:54

Don't you think it's time to accept she doesn't want to be friends and that what you are doing isn't helping change that?

What am I doing

OP posts: