Have y ever forgiven a friend

[spanieleyes22]

So my best friend has blocked me cos I sent a txt last week saying that it was a bit mean of her to ghost me for weeks at a time. I know I shouldn't have sent the txt. It's my bad. But she's taken it v seriously
And has blocked me and said she didn't know what she wanted to do. It's a week now. I'm really struggling: I'm so cross with myself. And so sad. I can't even txt her or ring her cos I'm blocked. Have u ever forgiven a friend for a spur of the moment bad text.

@DemonicCaveMaggot that's a good idea I will try that. I do volunteer and have put myself down to do more to fill up my weekends. It's hard isn't it. And yes to feeling worthless.

Have you ever been blocked by someone you thought had your back and was a good friend @backawayfatty1 . It's not nice to say the least . It feels like a punishment as well as a control. They take control. What they decide goes. You have no say any more. You're muted. I don't think I ever blocked someone

OP - I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. Sometimes doing nothing is really difficult when your instinct is to try to fix or change something. But honestly, no action would be the best action right now. Your friend has asked for space - give it to her.

I also think you need to make this your last thread on this topic. You’re waiting for a magic answer that isn’t coming; one that tells you you’ve done nothing wrong and that it will all be okay.

I'm sorry you are struggling but your responses are not normal. There was an argument - you still refuse to say what that argument was, when it happened, and how you responded at the time. Then she asked for space, you didn't give her space, and now she's blocked you.

if you really want to fix things for yourself so that ideally you can improve this friendship in due course or, at the very least, not make the same mistakes again, be honest about what happened and your role in it and how you can make sure it doesn't happen again.

OP this sounded familiar so I looked back on your post history. I mean this kindly but you have an extremely high level of drama and dysfunction in your relationship- in recent months you've posted very highly strung and emotional threads about problems with your parents, sister, BIL, workmates, ex, new friends, old friends.. I'm not saying all these people are upstanding citizens but is it time for perhaps a little self reflection and awareness about why you find relationships with others so problematic? Maybe counselling to explore this?

But OP everyone has the right to end relationships for numerous reasons. Of course "what they decide goes"! It's non negotiable if they choose so. A clean break, no more contact.

You're struggling with this concept so much I wonder if some therapy would help you get to the root of Why, and help you change your extreme reaction to something sad but part of normal life.

Ahhh, you're one of those people!

Understandable why she's decided to end the friendship.

Yes, it's very manipulative isn't it?

Her making the decision to block you isn’t really any different to you choosing to pursue her. You are both making decisions that you feel are right for you. Sadly you have lost by making your choice. She might calm down and resume things with you, don’t write it off yet. But leave the ball in her court, don’t pursue her otherwise you will push her away further.
I find the idea that someone has blocked you being treated as so final quite strange. Presumably you live relatively near each other so might see each other in the flesh at some point. That might be the point she changes her mind. As quickly as she has blocked you, she might unblock you. Give it her time.
Its all quite childish so what ever happens in the long term is probably for the best.

OP I have read this thread and your previous ones about this issue with your friend.
It is very clear that this friendship has meant a lot to you.
You are clearly struggling over being blocked. It is one of the things I hate about modern technology.
Whatever is going on for your friend, I think she wants to move on. Being the person being moved on from feels horrible.
I am not an armchair psychologist but being this sensitive to rejection is often not about the other person. People with ADHD can be very sensitive in similar circumstances. People who have been abandoned at some point suffer from trauma and can go into a blind panic when they feel left behind. I am not saying either of those fit you, but there are a whole host of reasons why someone can feel this way.
Whatever the reasons, you need some help with how you feel and how you react, because you are becoming poorly with worry and that’s not good for you.
I have struggled in the past and it was only when I got some therapy that it became apparent why I was so sensitive and reactive.
Not saying I am ‘cured’ but I have learned to value myself more, not overreact as much, and as a result all of my relationships have improved.
Here is the advice I would give to you if you were my friend is this - tying so many emotions, and your own worth, to whether this lady wants to be your friend or not is not good for you. You are worth more than that.
There are lots of positives to take from this friendship. You have clearly shared a lot.
That means you can share again. It’s time to keep building on the life you have now. You clearly have lovely DC and are making newer friends. It will take time but it’s better than feeling stuck.
Some people do leave our lives without much of an explanation. But they do have every right to leave.
It doesn’t make you a terrible person.
Try if you can to be kinder in the way you speak to yourself. If you can send a thoughtful message to a friend then be as thoughtful about yourself.
We don’t always get what we want or deserve but the only person who can really provide the care and love you need lies at home in you.
Once you have directed some of your energy to that, and you can start small by watching a favourite film, just baby steps, then you will find friends add something to your life rather than become people you measure your self worth against.
Please know my words come from some experiences of my own, not from a place of any judgement.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP. I had something similar years ago. As painful as it is, it sounds like she has signed off from the friendship and you need to let it go for the sake of your own sanity and self esteem. Keep chasing this and you will feel even worse as she clearly doesn't want to hear from you full stop.

Please do not waste any more time on this friendship and focus on your own needs.

@PeggyMitchellsCameo thank you very much for writing all that. I appreciate your thoughts. I have done a lot of "talking therapy" over the years . I think I need something a bit different. But I am aware that other people don't seem to have these overwhelming emotions. My dc for example. They are both very stable . They don't have these huge ups and downs. I'm on anti depressants

I honestly don't feel like trying to make a close friend again. It's too painful. And like so many people have said she doesn't owe me anything it's her right to block me. I would say that morally it's not a nice thing to do but are we saying everyone has the right to. What if I get close to another friend and she blocks me. Thx for all the messages

OP if you get blocked by another friend in the future you do what everyone else does - you feel hurt, you grieve, you move on.

It's just a normal part of life. Meeting new people, making a connection, it can change over time or arguments happen, friendship ends.

Certainly upsetting but not the utter disaster it appears to be for you, your reaction is abnormal.

Therapy could help you discover Why and fix it.

So many threads on this female friendships subject in the last few days!

OP I read your reply - you need something a bit different.
So I am just thinking out loud - one of the best ways to get out of your own head is to help others. I know you already do activities, but it’s worth looking into something where you can really be of service.
Think about just an hour a week. Helping at something like a local food bank. Not only does it help others it allows you to meet others, too.
Allowing your happiness to rest on other people’s feelings about you locks you out of life. Your happiness lies in your hands. If people sense that weight upon them, and I’m speaking from personal experience, it’s too much. I lost a very good friend in this way, I was very hurt. But years later on reflection I could see why, and we moved forward.
Even if people seem stable and sorted they have the same fears as you do - we all want to be loved and accepted. We all have others to care for, jobs to do, and I think pretty much everyone feels like an impostor at times.
If you can do just one thing and commit to it, I can guarantee your confidence will change. And when that happens you will meet and make friends with others.
Please know my words don’t come from a place of judgement just life experience.
(My own personal background came from a series of traumatic events that meant I couldn’t cope with losing anybody. I had a treatment called EMDR and trauma focused therapy. It really helped me!)

OP as I've said, I've read many of your threads. That makes me sound creepy or trying to find fault with you, I'm not. I just want time help. You have a very fixed mindset about morality and your expectations of all kinds of relationships and how you think people should behave. If this doesn't happen, you plummet very badly and totally dissolve. I'm not a professional- I don't know if it's mental health or ND etc. My most salient point is that you also catatrophise and take on your older DC's struggles as your own and you are clearly a very loving mother and I would highlight the potential for impact on your DC. You talk a lot about leaning on your DD for security during social interactions. No. You're the mother- you protect and look after your children. They aren't there to facilitate your life. Life can be really hard- people are shits but your extreme irregularity tells me there's something else going on- either your meds aren't right or an additional diagnosis is needed. You're a parent, you can't have this high/low car crash trajectory to life. You always think the problem is someone else but you're the common thread OP. Time to look you.

Thanks @PeggyMitchellsCameo

I must be naieve as all my friends keep their friends for years. I don't know anyone who has blocked a friend of nearly 20 years. They have ups and downs but they always seem to be able to resolve and move on again. So you're all correct. It's me that's the problem. That's why I don't feel like making friends any more. It's too painful. I wouldn't be able to be genuine and what's the point then if you're just pretending .

I think that's a bit unfair the part about leaning too much on the dc. I haven't even told my son about my friend blocking me I have mentioned it once. I spoke to my dd about it once or twice but only when she rang me. I try to never contact her as she is at uni and she knows she can ring me or text me but I purposely don't bother her. I consciously keep things from them. So I to j that's unfair.

That should say I have NOT mentioned in once to my ds

I think your message was dramatic. Using words like "mean" and "ghost" are emotive. You should have tried something neutral like 'wondering how you are' Or ' do you think we could talk now?'. Or was she waiting for an apology? (I have no idea what the circumstances were.)

You say you've already antagonised her and she's asked for space, so maybe she just sees it as more evidence as to why you are difficult to be friends with.

Having said that, I think blocking is extreme, childish and very inconsiderate from a long standing friend. A simple message saying that she no longer wishes to be your friend would have been kinder, if still unpleasant.

Btw, I notice you said you tend to have strong emotions - that can be related to poor mental health or arise from early traumatic experiences. Have you tried asking your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist, rather than a therapist? (Someone I know has received good support from such a referral and had a change to their meds which has really helped).

Your reaction and reasoning is OTT and, TBH, rather childish.

You're a grown woman, not a toddler having a flounce.

I'm getting exasperated with you now.

I’m going to fess up and admit I ended things with a friend of many, many years.
It was after repeated attempts to ask her to
stop doing something which was distressing me. She didn’t stop and so I had no other option.
OP you want some help and advice and some of it may feel fine and some of it won’t.
Please stop viewing other people as these fabulous beings who have long standing friendships and then speaking about yourself so poorly.
If you decide making friends is too hard and don’t make any then over time you will have none.
And I think you would like some friends. You certainly deserve some, we all do.
One thing I am learning too is to give people lots of space. Give them time. Leave a gap for them to get in.
It is tough I know but if you write yourself off and call yourself names then you can’t expect anyone to treat you well.
It is a cliche but you have to be your own friend first.

Be glad. It sounds like the friendship was one sided if not dead anyway.