Have y ever forgiven a friend

[spanieleyes22]

So my best friend has blocked me cos I sent a txt last week saying that it was a bit mean of her to ghost me for weeks at a time. I know I shouldn't have sent the txt. It's my bad. But she's taken it v seriously
And has blocked me and said she didn't know what she wanted to do. It's a week now. I'm really struggling: I'm so cross with myself. And so sad. I can't even txt her or ring her cos I'm blocked. Have u ever forgiven a friend for a spur of the moment bad text.

Oh boo hoo. Enough with the pity party! Sort yourself out and stop harassing people and they’ll be more likely to want to be friends with you!

I know it deep down but I keep thinking is there anything I can do to fix it but there isn't. I have given up hope really. Am finding it hard to live with myself. And know I caused it.

I never harassed her you're wrong

Don't you have any other friends?

I'd say you have loads of friend @horsesforcourses6 mean people always seem to I notice that

I do have some acquaintances and a few good friends that I don't see very much but who are lovely. I don't want to be needy or accused of harassment though so we don't talk much but it's nice when we do.

Didn't she ask you to give her space but you messaged her instead?

Take some accountability for yourself and your own actions. Learn the lesson from this and move on with it - be mindful in other/future friendships that you have to respect other people’s boundaries and needs whether you find it upsetting or not. Your friend has asked for space so give it to her!

Im not trying to be mean but these threads are increasingly frustrating to read. You simply have to let this go. You cannot force this woman to be your friend - she has made it really clear that she’s doesn’t want to be.

You need to work on yourself - maybe try counselling, or join a hobby or group to meet people in a group (low intensity) setting.

Don't beat yourself up about that. What's done is done. Learn from it and move on. You are being too hard on yourself here.

I think I’d let her strop and have the distance tbh. Better to not force yourself on people

I don't think so. I don't think one little message every week or 20 days is harassment? I didn't know she wanted space at first. She didn't say she said she was fine for the first 2-3 weeks. Then she said she was busy. Then the next time was when she said she was detoxing from
Her phone and that's when I sent the bad message . Then she blocked me. Then I sent an apology. Then her reply 3 days later. Since then nothing. I don't think that's harassment. I've been harassed myself and it's like constant messages and abusive and nasty messages .

Hi OP. I’m sorry for your pain - you sound like you’re hurting a lot.

a lot of your talk about yourself is extremely negative too. I wonder if your big reaction to this is about more than this friendship ending. You seem very fixated on this issue. I think that you probably need to accept that this isn’t something you can ‘fix’ in the short term.

could you set yourself a date (maybe a months time) on which you’ll send her a polite and reasonable message. And then put it down until then.

what can you work on to keep yourself busy and stop yourself obsessing over it? Are there personal goals you have? Learn something new / train for a ten K race / apply for an adult education course / work on a promotion at work?

how can you spend time with other people to beef up your support network - could you volunteer somewhere regularly? Join an evening class?

I find when I’m obsessing over something it’s often a case of me not having enough going on in my world - and ultimately, in all our relationships - the only person we can really change is ourselves.

I know it feels sh*tty. But if you can reframe this as a growth opportunity - your life could look busier and happier in 6 months regardless of what this other friend has done.

@horsesforcourses6 I know but I haven't been harrsssing her. You're impatient for me to move on. But she doesn't know any of this. Just don't read my thread as you're obviously very annoyed with me.

Sounds like she was trying to step away without offending you.

Harassment is anything that makes the recipient feel harassed OP.

If she needs space from you, what you've been sending her feels like too much to her, regardless of whether you think it’s acceptable or not.

This really isn’t a case of who is right or wrong - it’s just a case of two people wanting different things. Unfortunately you need to respect her wishes on this one. No use flogging a dead horse - you simply cannot make someone be your friend.

Thanks for the good advice x I am trying. I think it's the fact I can never message her again . I'm blocked so that's it. I'm even dreading Xmas as we always used to txt on Xmas day morn when we were cooking the din. Her dd and dh would often be working . We had such a laugh last year when I put baileys in the gravy instead of wine.

Op listen to me for a moment, you haven’t done anything wrong.

Some people - like me- find the instant and invasive nature of phone messages really induces a lot of anxiety: I simply hate receiving messages! I have always hated phone calls and letters too. Terrified of them.

I am an awful friend, as a result.

You and your friend have totally different communication preferences. It may mean you’re pretty incompatible. Or maybe you can find a solution eg have a regular “meet for a walk” every fortnight and then just a quick text “yes I can make it” or “no can’t make it this week” is all you need to communicate.

I would, btw, send a birthday card to her dd for her 21st. I think it’s a lovely thing to do and not stalkerish. To me that says no hard feelings and it would make me feel you aren’t cross with me for ghosting you.
And I might open that door and send a thank you.

@horsesforcourses6 I am respecting her wishes . It's not even a choice. She's taken that away from me . I'm blocked .

Hi @AnellaA but she loves texting we have been texting for years. But thank you.

Sending a card for her daughter would be. She has blocked you to end contact with you.

Of course it will take you a long time to move on - I’m sure you’ll probably miss her forever!

I hope you take some of the advice on this thread on board and focus on enriching your life in other ways.

Sorry for seeming annoyed with you - to be honest I really really am! I had a friend like you once and they made my life a bloody misery so I am definitely projecting!

Your relationship with her is separate from your relationship with her adult daughter, so I would say yes to sending a card to the dd for her 21st.

Stop being friends m8

I hope I haven't made her life a misery: oh god. I obviously have . This is why I feel so trrrible.

She's asked for space. Why are you so bothered about the blocking? Would you be messaging her over & over if you weren't? Sounds like she felt she needed to block you. Give it time

Her DD is an adult. I think it is OK to send her a birthday card.

I have been ghosted by a good friend. It was horrible as I didn't know what I had done. It made me feel extremely depressed and worthless. I got through it by forcing myself of thinking of something nice I could do for someone else every time I caught myself thinking about her. It was just little things at first, holding a door open, smiling at someone on the street, then I was doing more and more stuff to help other people. It forced me out of a spiral of sadness by thinking of others. As well as helping them I was helping myself. She did get in touch again a few years later, I replied nicely aaaaaaand she ghosted me again. I would focus on how you can make other people's lives nicer and not think about her at all because even if she does get back in touch, she will ghost you again at some point. Ghosters got to ghost.

No one who is 21st cares about a birthday card

stop poking the bear