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Original poster

Lying about the past to your partner

68 replies

Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 01:02

Just wanted advise please
If you just met someone and started talking to them and slept with them but weren't boyfriend and girlfriend if u made a mistake and slept with an ex twice who you was used to being used by so wheh they messaged them two times in the first 2months of talking and sleeping with the new man is it classed as cheating

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 01:17

If you was seeing someone and they said they can see that u have love for them they can see it in your eyes but then pushed u away and said I want to be on my own I was so hurt by that as my guard came down then we stopped talking becayse I thought he didn't want me around so in that year and half of us not talking I had a one night stand with someone and had a 10month relationship that I ended becsyse he was horrible and I still thought about the man I was seeing before so I reached back out to the man I loved after year and bit of no talking anyway we got talking again he asked me did I see anyone I said only one but really I had a one night stand with 2 people too in that time but I didn't tell him that becsye3 I just wanted to forget my past, he went on dates in that time and slept with someone but when he opened up and told me he did want me around back then he didn't mean to go but he kist couldn't be with me back then but what's happened is he blames me for going somewhere else in that time we weren't talking when I neber have him, anyway he kept asking and asking me to tell him about my past and some things I denied and where he kept asking I ended up being honest about it but now says I'm a liar and left me saying you should of told me I said I was just so scared as I got u back in my life, so my question is would u tell you partner everything about your secual past or not

OP posts:
username35890 · 22/10/2024 01:34

I'm sorry OP but your post is confusing.

What I understand is that you slept with someone, then slept with an ex. You slept with two other people.

Someone asked you about your past??? There's a 10 month relationship?

I'm a bit lost but in my opinion, if you hadn't had a discussion or understanding about exclusivity there's no problem with sleeping with others.

Regarding men asking about previous sexual relationships, you don't have to answer.

theyoungishman · 22/10/2024 01:35

Your post would be a lot easier to read with some punctuation.

RawBloomers · 22/10/2024 01:56

I‘m generally pretty open as I’s prefer not to get with someone who would have a problem with what’s gone before. But I don’t tell partners everything.

If a partner tried to harass me into telling him stuff I didn’t want to (perhaps because it’s unfair on whoever I did sleep with) I’d dump him as that’s a massive red flag for misogyny and insecurity.

You are well rid of this guy. Perhaps take some time to work on yourself and why you felt so attracted to someone who isn’t worthy or a girlfriend at all.

redalex261 · 22/10/2024 01:58

theyoungishman · 22/10/2024 01:35

Your post would be a lot easier to read with some punctuation.

I can't decipher it accurately either. If you were only at the "talking" stage with a potential new partner and ended up sleeping with your ex I wouldn't really class it as cheating as such, especially as you and the new boyfriend hadn't agreed to be exclusive. Probably more of a bad choice, indicating your head isn't in the right place to be tying yourself to a new relationship.

Perhaps some time as a single person to get your head straight and decide what you want would be good? Good luck.

kkloo · 22/10/2024 03:05

This is very confusing OP.
Are you talking about 2 different things?

I understood the first post....you wanted to know if it was cheating if you slept with someone while you had just started to get to know and see someone else.

But then I'm confused by the second post.....are you saying that previously you had a relationship with someone else and when you were honest about your sexual past it was used against you?

So that's why you're confused about whether you should tell the guy in the first post the truth?

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:25

So when we stopped talking and I had a 10 month relationship with someone else and he went on dates and slept with someone when we was not talking, but when I got back in contact and we have been together ever since he says to me how did u think about me when you slept with othet people when we weren't talking I said i did but I thought you never wanted me and you went on dates and said u always thought about me too and not once ever said u weren't and understood if we was talking you would never of gone on dates, I said to him what should matter is I reached back out to you but he says no u didn't it was becsyse it didn't work out with the last one, I tell him that is not what happened he dont listen

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:29

Thats what I said I made a bad choice when I first met you but he said no your a cheater, the reason I asked is becayse this was in 2019 this happened when I first met him we was not together. I reached back out to him in 2022 and been together ever since but he left me 2months ago because he kept asking about this and I told him the truth aftwr denying it for so long but just says I'm a cheater for what u did back then, but when I say we weren't together back then he dont care

OP posts:
username35890 · 22/10/2024 07:32

It seems to me that he just wanted to get out of the relationship. In future remember that who you've slept with is no one's business.

cookiedough174 · 22/10/2024 07:33

This sounds really unhealthyz
I'm an absolute massive advocate of not discussing previous sex life with partners, it's NEVER ends well.
What you do when you're officially not together is nobody's business and you should keep it that way.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:36

He said to me i have a right to know your past and you lied to me about it but I said to him I only lied because I was so scared I was going to loose you, but he constantly blames me for going somewhere else when we stopped talking for a year but I said to him I thought you didn't want me

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:38

He wants a lie detector test because I lied about my past to prove to him thered nothing else about my past, I said to him I know I lied abojt my past when you asked me because I was scared but I did come out and ended up being honest, now he has walked away becsyse I won't do one

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:40

And I did keep it to myself but he kept asking and asking and I was so scared to admit certain things becsys3 I always regretted certain things in my past and tried to explain that to him

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Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:43

Would u do a lie detector test to prove to your partner u told them everything about your past, reason he asked is because I lied about certain things from my past when he asked before but I ended up telling him but now he can't believe me or trust me I told him everything

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AnneKipankitoo · 22/10/2024 07:43

This is too much messing with your head. Find someone else . Ditch him.

username35890 · 22/10/2024 07:43

He's very controlling. He bullied you into telling him and wants you to do a lie detector test! Then blames you for sleeping with someone else after finishing the relationship.

Please stay away from him.

Candaceowens · 22/10/2024 07:46

This all sounds very Jeremy Kyle, but from what I can work out my advice is that you should not lie and this is not a healthy relationship

Beethovensafari · 22/10/2024 07:47

Lie detectors are not accurate. No I would not agree to do one. Where would you even do that?

He's not nice and I would end the relationship.

Olika · 22/10/2024 07:47

Far too much drama and far too complicated. Just end it. Who needs this shit in life.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:47

He blames me for the time when we did not talk that I slept with other people, only reason we stopped talking in the first place was becayse I thought he didn't want me as he said he wanted to be on his own. So in 2020 we stopped talking and I met other people I reached out in 2022 and we built a 2 and half year relationship together but says to me if you did think about me in that time we weren't talking you wouldn't of slept with others I said to him but unwent on dates and slept with one other person and I said to him I've never blamed you or said u didn't think about me in that time

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Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:49

I know I shouldn't of lied to him but I knew I did wrong to lied about my past and been trying to apologise about lying about my past but he wont listen

OP posts:
category12 · 22/10/2024 07:49

If you're at a stage of lie detector tests, your relationship is Fucked. This is your life, not Jeremy Kyle.

Plus they are not accurate, so whether you passed or failed a test would make no difference. Chances are if your bf got you to take one, he still wouldn't be happy with whatever answer he got.

Just let it go. End it.

There are other men. Start over with someone new when you're ready. Take some time out in between.

Mabelface · 22/10/2024 07:49

What you did whilst you weren't in a relationship with him is none of his business. He's a jealous, controlling arse and you need to get rid asap. This isn't healthy.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:53

I have tried to apologise I lied about certain things from my past to him and every time I try to apologise and put things right he brings up the things I am trying to apologise for and I say to him how can I build that trust back up with you again when you won't every time I apologise sincerely you throw it back at me

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FrauPaige · 22/10/2024 07:54

What happens when you are separated and not a couple is not the same as what happens while you are a couple. That is not cheating.

What you did in this time when you were single was a question your partner should not have asked and sought an answer to.

Many men want to believe that when they walk away from us our lives stop and we will spend every waking moment we have pining for them at home, over our knitting - while they are quite content to be gallivanting around, sewing their wild oats.

I can't advise you on what you should do as you clearly have strong feelings for him, but his logic is off, he is operating a double standard, and I worry that this may play out in other parts of the relationship.

If he is rejecting you now because of something that happened when you were not a couple, perhaps you should consider a fresh start with another man that takes you as you are.