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Original poster

Lying about the past to your partner

68 replies

Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 01:02

Just wanted advise please
If you just met someone and started talking to them and slept with them but weren't boyfriend and girlfriend if u made a mistake and slept with an ex twice who you was used to being used by so wheh they messaged them two times in the first 2months of talking and sleeping with the new man is it classed as cheating

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:55

So my question is would you do a lie detector test to show your telling him the truth about your past now

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:00

I said to him when we weren't talking you went on dates and slept with someone but I always said to him we weren't to know we would talk again and i said I understand you u always thought about me in that time like you said and said to him its ok but with me he says but you wouldn't of met others in that time if u felt that way. I said to him but I thought u didn't want me around back then, I said I neber blame u for what u did but u do with me

OP posts:
Pashazade · 22/10/2024 08:01

OP this person is controlling and unpleasant. DO NOT pursue a relationship with them it would be a very bad idea. Lie detector tests are not a feature of a healthy or normal relationship. Let him go!

category12 · 22/10/2024 08:02

Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 07:55

So my question is would you do a lie detector test to show your telling him the truth about your past now

No.

  1. They're inaccurate.
  2. They won't solve your problem. He'll find some other hoop you need to jump through.

Just end the relationship. It's too far gone.

PinotPony · 22/10/2024 08:07

Your ex is a controlling arsehole. He’s persuaded you to get back together with him but is now punishing you because you had relationships with other men whilst you and he were separated.

Don’t do a lie detector test. Don’t apologise.

Tell him to fuck off. He’s already ruined your self esteem and it’ll only get worse.

TheMauveTiger · 22/10/2024 08:10

@Ang1231 you must find the strength to run away from this man. Men like this can be very dangerous and it won't end well.

Waterboatlass · 22/10/2024 08:13

I can't understand all of that, sorry.

I will say, it's not necessary or conducive to a good relationship to discuss previous sex lives. We certainly do not have a right to know these things and it doesn't bring anything particularly useful to the table. Any divorces, any children, incurable STIs, maybe if there was anyone contentious involved like a close friend so they don't feel made a fool of later on, yes of course. Anything that may affect the present.

End this relationship, it is not healthy.

However, lying to keep someone is manipulative.

You need to respond honestly and allow someone to make their own decision. That may mean a full response, or saying 'i don't discuss past sex lives'. It's up to them what they do.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:14

PinotPony · 22/10/2024 08:07

Your ex is a controlling arsehole. He’s persuaded you to get back together with him but is now punishing you because you had relationships with other men whilst you and he were separated.

Don’t do a lie detector test. Don’t apologise.

Tell him to fuck off. He’s already ruined your self esteem and it’ll only get worse.

So we stopped talking in 2020 after he said he wanted to be on his own and in that time both met other people he only went on dates and slept with one person but I slept with 3, I reached back out to him in 2022 bevsuee I couldn't stop thinking about him still and been together ever since but where I told him he says well you couldn't of been thinking about me as u met others but I said when u opened up in this relarionship and told me u did always want me around and what I said back then was I just couldn't give u a relationship back then but still wanted u there I said I would of stayed if I knew thst and would not of met anyone else he dont understand thst

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Waterboatlass · 22/10/2024 08:15

Lie detectors are nonsense anyway. Very inaccurate. Part of why the police don't use them and why the Jeremy Kyle show was so unethical. Don't go down that route. If a relationship is at that point, cut your losses. You have lied, they sound controlling. What's the point? Move on and learn lessons.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:24

Waterboatlass · 22/10/2024 08:15

Lie detectors are nonsense anyway. Very inaccurate. Part of why the police don't use them and why the Jeremy Kyle show was so unethical. Don't go down that route. If a relationship is at that point, cut your losses. You have lied, they sound controlling. What's the point? Move on and learn lessons.

I just wanted to put things right with us as we have spent 2 and half years together and built a future together, I messed up with lying and I have taken responsibility of that and told him I should never of lied to him as I said I never would

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Daschund · 22/10/2024 08:25

Stay away, he's toxic.
Stay single, get some counselling to help you learn what a healthy relationship looks like with strong boundaries.
You are worth so much more than this clusterfuck.

CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:27

Absolutely not to all of this. He's hypocritical, power tripping and controlling. This isn't a good relationship.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:27

Daschund · 22/10/2024 08:25

Stay away, he's toxic.
Stay single, get some counselling to help you learn what a healthy relationship looks like with strong boundaries.
You are worth so much more than this clusterfuck.

Sad thing is we had the most amazing relationship I just blame myself becsyse I know I messed up with lying but I have been trying to put it right but every time u do he says no do test to prove I csn trust what ur sayinf is the truth now

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CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:30

Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:27

Sad thing is we had the most amazing relationship I just blame myself becsyse I know I messed up with lying but I have been trying to put it right but every time u do he says no do test to prove I csn trust what ur sayinf is the truth now

Show quote history

How did you have an amazing relationship when you broke up and got back together? You need to stop blaming yourself. You didn't owe him anything when you weren't together and I bet you lied because you knew he would react crazy.

Waterboatlass · 22/10/2024 08:33

You absolutely didn't have an amazing relationship. It sounds depressing and grim to tell you the truth. Why not broaden your horizons a bit?

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:33

CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:30

How did you have an amazing relationship when you broke up and got back together? You need to stop blaming yourself. You didn't owe him anything when you weren't together and I bet you lied because you knew he would react crazy.

Show quote history

So when we stopped talking in 2020 we wasn't together we was seeing eacother i wanted more but he couldn't becayse of what he had been through in the past with his exs but if he was to of told me that back then I would of stayed and kept pursuing, but I reached back out and we have been together for 2 and half years but brings up the past wishing we was together before

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CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:40

he couldn't becayse of what he had been through in the past with his exs

oh god this man is a walking cliché. Don't tell me all his exes cheated or hurt him too badly for him to trust again and now you have to tell him every thing about your past and do everything he tells you to reassure him you aren't cheating because he needs that because of what his exes did? Nooooo. He's just a controlling jealous guy. Please open your eyes.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:50

CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:40

he couldn't becayse of what he had been through in the past with his exs

oh god this man is a walking cliché. Don't tell me all his exes cheated or hurt him too badly for him to trust again and now you have to tell him every thing about your past and do everything he tells you to reassure him you aren't cheating because he needs that because of what his exes did? Nooooo. He's just a controlling jealous guy. Please open your eyes.

We been together for 2 and half years and been loyal whole time bevsyse I love him but when we met in 2019 we was seeing eacotber and I slept with someone twice in first two months of seeing eacother we was not boyfriend and girlfriend back then but says I cheated on him when every one tells me I didn't and they don't understand why he brings up now, ok u didn't tell him that only till recently but they said this was 2019 when u first met him. You been together 2 and half years so why would he say u cheated back then when u weren't togetber

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:51

CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:40

he couldn't becayse of what he had been through in the past with his exs

oh god this man is a walking cliché. Don't tell me all his exes cheated or hurt him too badly for him to trust again and now you have to tell him every thing about your past and do everything he tells you to reassure him you aren't cheating because he needs that because of what his exes did? Nooooo. He's just a controlling jealous guy. Please open your eyes.

Is he controlling then

OP posts:
CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:51

He brings it up because it's a way to control and destabilise you. He wants you feeling anxious and defensive and bending over backwards to reassure him all the time.

CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:52

Yes he absolutely is controlling

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 22/10/2024 08:55

He sounds awful. You've done nothing wrong. What you did when you weren't in a relationship is absolutely none of his business. He shouldn't have asked about any relationships you had. When he did you should have seen it as the massive red flag it is and walked away.

He's a controlling arsehole making you second guess yourself. He's enjoying keeping you on the back foot all the time. He's cruel and mean. Do not do a lie detector. Run, run and run as fast as you can away from this vile specimen. This is not a good 'relationship' - it's only 'good' when you do as you're told.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:58

CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:52

Yes he absolutely is controlling

I know I messed up and lied but I have tried to talk to him do I keep apologising which I have done wrote letters everything to show him I shouldn't of lied

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:58

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 22/10/2024 08:55

He sounds awful. You've done nothing wrong. What you did when you weren't in a relationship is absolutely none of his business. He shouldn't have asked about any relationships you had. When he did you should have seen it as the massive red flag it is and walked away.

He's a controlling arsehole making you second guess yourself. He's enjoying keeping you on the back foot all the time. He's cruel and mean. Do not do a lie detector. Run, run and run as fast as you can away from this vile specimen. This is not a good 'relationship' - it's only 'good' when you do as you're told.

He said he had right to no

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/10/2024 08:59

CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 08:51

He brings it up because it's a way to control and destabilise you. He wants you feeling anxious and defensive and bending over backwards to reassure him all the time.

Is that what u think why can't I see that then and blame myself

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