Lying about the past to your partner

[Ang1231]

Just wanted advise please
If you just met someone and started talking to them and slept with them but weren't boyfriend and girlfriend if u made a mistake and slept with an ex twice who you was used to being used by so wheh they messaged them two times in the first 2months of talking and sleeping with the new man is it classed as cheating

Thats what I said to him a lie detector test is not the way to put your trust back in me and he ssud im walking away becsyse u won't do one

@Ang1231 he's wrong. He doesn't have a right to know. You have a right to privacy.

If he wants to walk away because you won't do a lie detector. Let him go. He's doing you a favour.

Yes it's easy to see from the outside but really difficult to see from inside. But think about it. What does he get out of going on and on and making you feel bad? What do you do to reassure him and make him feel impossible and special and loved?

I always tell him how much I love him and how amazing he is and how sorry I am I hurt him, I reassure him all the time and have always said to him in our relationship

It makes no difference who many people you talked to, slept with, or had a date with when you weren't in a relationship with him.

Are YOU bothered about all the women he's ever seen when you weren't in a relationship with him? And that includes before you even met him. No? Thought not. See how ridiculous it all sounds. What you did/didn't do before you met him and when you split up is absolutely none of his business.

Let him go OP. He'll get worse and worse. You're already questioning yourself. NEVER question yourself! You are worth so much more than this idiot dredging up stuff from the past to beat you with.

He's told you he can't trust you. Fine. Believe him. Walk away.

I know but at same time I blame myself because if I did one to prove I have told him the truth anoit my past and not hiding anything as I don't want him sitting there thinking I'm guilty as that's what he is sayinf. I know there's more and thsgs why you won't do one

I said no its not its becayse I know I made a mistake thst I lied but I have told you the whole truth and want you to believe me and my words and my actions not some test he said only way forward is test

I think you have posted on wrong thread @rootsandwings89

If im understanding correctly

you were with him.

then you broke up.

while you were single, you slept with someone.

You later got back together with this bloke.

And he claims you cheated on him.

becacuse you slept with someone while you were single.

But he didn't cheat on you while he was single.

Come on. This is absolutely ridiculous.

He is not worth it. He sounds like a wanker.

So when we were both single aftwr we stopped talking we both met othet people and when I got back in contact he made me feel bad becsyse he said if u wanted me u wouldn't of slept with anyone else I said but back then I thought u didn't want me, regarding the cheating when I first met him seeing him I slept with an ex 2 times within 2months of seeing him we wasn't together boyfriend and girlfriend just seeing eacother but he says I cheated on him

Yeah you should be honest, rather than making out you spent most of that time pining for him, as you were really busy, in another relationship and having one night stands. People deserve the reality of the situation. Alternatively you can say you don’t want to discuss it, and if they are ok with that, fair enough. It’s never good to lie though and act as though you pined after them so much that you could barely look at anyone else. It’s not reality, and I’m sure you want to base your new relationship on reality. To say yes you did sleep with other people but if you’d had a choice you’d have been with them, is the truth. The problem is you are trying to make it what you think he wants to hear/ how you wish it had actually been, but it wasn’t that way.

In what way is this controlling bully amazing?

To put it into context, I broke up with someone three years ago and haven’t been able to look at anyone else, because I’m not over him. Once I was able to look at someone else, I’d be over him and wouldn’t go back anyway. I don’t see the point of going back to someone when you’ve been able to go elsewhere, as the bond clearly isn’t strong enough to last a lifetime, and that’s been already proven.

Fuck me, he's not worth all this angst.

Raise your standards.

If you did this test, you do realise he'd just move onto another stick to beat you with, don't you?

If someone is demanding a lie detector test then your relationship is fucked.

who you slept with when you were not together is none of his business!

Do you want to be beaten with the same stick for the rest of your life? If you do fine go ahead.
You messed up and lied, you apologised and tried to find a way forward. He is unable to accept this. Which is his right, however he wants a relationship with all the power and you are giving it to him.
Please realise NOTHING you ever do now will be good enough and he will continue to use this error of judgement to berate and make you miserable.

He will not change, you will be a broken soul with no sense of self who lives only to do what he likes. Does that really sound like a future you want. Please leave him.