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Original poster

Small things that have given you the ick when online dating

356 replies

idontknkowwhyibother · 21/10/2024 12:47

Does anyone else fancy a laugh about the traumas of online dating (lighthearted) and that feeling of getting the ick mid-date?

I had a really silly one recently where I went on a third date with someone. I was already in the minds about him.

Anyway, we'd done an activity then went to get food afterwards and it was ordered on screens. The previous date I had paid and so it was already agreed that he was buying me lunch.

All good.

So, we got to the bit where the screens to order food were. I'm used to doing this in McDonald's for my kids 🤣 and always usher them to go ahead and put their food order in. So I suppose unconsciously I was expecting him to let me go first?

What he actually did was RUSH to the machine ahead, of me JAB in his order so hard he nearly broke the machine and just kind of....stood there. I sort of waited for him to offer me the screen and he didn't say anything. So I silently put my order in.

It seems such a small thing, and it is a small thing. But it took me back to being a child ans having a sibling who will rush to get on the swings before you 🤣

Thankfully I never slept with him but I can imagine how it would have gone.

Has anyone else got the ick from something as petty or is it just me?!

OP posts:
Lonelylonelylonely · 22/10/2024 23:02

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 22/10/2024 22:55

I got asked if my periods were regular as he wanted children. Apparently the last woman he'd dated had wasted his time as she had endometriosis.

Arrived for a dinner date. He was already half way through eating a dinner. He'd been too hungry to wait.

He pissed all over my bathroom floor. I trod in it... in my socks.

What on earth was he doing in your bathroom given his earlier behaviour?

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 22/10/2024 23:03

@Lonelylonelylonely different date... period guy was never seen again!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 22/10/2024 23:05

@Lonelylonelylonely sorry I wasn't clear... they were 3 different men...

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 22/10/2024 23:07

Another date... he told me that he didn't 'do cleaning' so he paid his sister to do it. I'm not sure who was the bigger fool!

thiscantbemylife · 22/10/2024 23:20

He was a nice guy but … on the date he got up to order more drinks and he did this awkward little waddle to the bar and he was wearing light blue jeans and I just wanted to go home after that. 🙈 the waddle looking at the back of his bald head was giving duckling.
I tried to ignore the thoughts then we got out of the bar and he was walking behind me and was like can I have a hug again please and it felt like it was my toddler at home.

He was older too and I was hoping for them daddy vibes 😂

Aroastdinnerisnotahumanright · 23/10/2024 02:14

PumaKinPie · 22/10/2024 13:15

On a date at the cinema I went to the toilet. Bloke said he'd come with me and waited right outside the ladies loos (?!). I think he thought I was going to sneak off home. Instant ick for being creepy and insecure. Luckily, watching the rest of the film meant I didn't have to talk to or even look at him much again😁

I was 'double icked' in quick succession by a rather dim boyfriend. He thought that medical advancements meant they could now do a C section with keyhole surgery. I said, I was fairly sure they still had to cut a hole big enough to get the baby out. He was shocked....

Same bloke didn't know that the toe post on flip flops was supposed to go between the big toe and the next one. He'd been wearing them between toes number 2 and 3 up to that point. There are no words......

Ladies, the lesser known 'double ick' may catch you at a weak point. In fact, if you're not careful the latter ick may neutralise the former ick. Do not second guess yourself. Your first instincts are correct. Both the first and second events are legitimate icks and you must take action accordingly. This is a code red. Stay low and move fast. This is a non recoverable situation.

Imagine a man so useless he can't even wear flip flops 😂

niadainud · 23/10/2024 05:29

ShouldIEvenBother · 21/10/2024 17:02

Years ago I briefly dated a bloke who would ask me so many times each time we went out anywhere "do you need the toilet?" at every venue. IT WAS FUCKING WEIRD, and really infantilizing.

He also could not get hard unless we were shagging in the shower - he needed warm running water to be incorporated in order to get close to getting hard. UGH UGH UGH I want to go back in time and shake myself and end it sooner than I did. There were other florescent red flags with this one, but I cringe so bad I can't bear to type them!

The last bloke I dated, once I'd been seeing him for a number of weeks I went back to his. HIS FUCKING BATHROOM OMFG. I don't think he'd cleaned it in years. The inside of the toilet bowl was covered in shit bits.

Oh god, the floodgates have opened with the horrors of online dating... there are so many bad memories.

One guy was lambasting me because I didn't want to get into the sex talk online. He was rather driven to have a conversation about anal and how amazing it is. I'd never even met him. MASSIVE ICK.

A (sort of) funny one - dinner date with a guy who couldn't be arsed to check the menu so he ordered the same as me (tapas place, so we had identical dishes, lots of them), he barely ate anything once the food arrived, then suddenly got up and announced he had finished his dinner and was going back to the pub and he'd see me there! He chucked a bunch of notes on the table and waltzed out the restaurant. Well let me just say that I took my sweet ass time, ordered dessert, and another large red wine. Paid using the cash he very kindly left, and got the bus home! Whilst I was on the bus this bloke calls, wondering where on earth I am! He couldn't believe I had vacated the restaurant after finishing my meal and not gone back to the pub to meet him...

There are so many stories. Just thinking about them - I need a gin on the rocks right now

Edited

The one who couldn't get hard will be because he always wanked in the shower as a teenager.

Crushed23 · 23/10/2024 06:33

NellyTheCake · 22/10/2024 21:38

I've just been unmatched by a man who seemed very nice and normal.
Up to the point where he said he was looking for a long term relationship "with heaps of naughty, mischevious fun. With someone who was sensual, sexy and tactile. Who gave great kisses, hugs and more".

I politely suggested that we might be looking for different things.
So he called me a prude and unmatched me.

You definitely dodged a bullet there.

I stupidly didn't unmatch a man whose opening message to me on Hinge was appreciating my "thirsty pics", as he put it. Then followed 4 months of games and mindfuckery. FOUR MONTHS.

Over-sexual messages from the off = massive red flag. Always.

sammylady37 · 23/10/2024 07:01

Idontjetwashthefucker · 22/10/2024 07:14

First time having sex, about to get down to it and he says "I can't wait to get my tongue on your giggling pin".

I can only presume he meant clitoris but I wasn't waiting to fond out. Instant ick

I had one who called my clit my ‘love pimple’ 🤢🤢🤢

Bittenonce · 23/10/2024 07:16

Kerkyra2024 · 22/10/2024 11:03

I know this is for mainly new dates but my ex gave me a few icks when we were together (7 and a half years looking back I think I mainly only stayed so long as I was very close friends with his sister).
When kissing there were a few occasions he full on spat in my mouth 🤮
Whenever he wanted sex he'd always ask 'wanna do it?' regardless if anyone was around
He preferred me to stay as still as possible during sex
No foreplay whatsoever
Repeatedly state he'd fuck my mum if he'd have a chance
Repeatedly ask me if he'd be able to fuck women that were on those 'real housewives' shows

7 and a half years???

Kerkyra2024 · 23/10/2024 07:51

Yup...

holrosea · 23/10/2024 07:59

Just remembered having the contraception chat with a new guy and I said, "I have an IUD". He looked confused so I gave him the simplest rundown of "a t-shaped piece of plastic and copper that sits inside my uterus to prevent a fertilised egg implanting". He replied, "ah cool, so do you just pop it out and rinse it now and then?".
He was already a dad. Surely, he knows where/what the uterus is?

Which brings me to another anatomy related one: a boyfriend at uni announced that he had a pain in his cervix. Confused, I asked him to show me where it hurt, and he pointed to his sternum!
He was 22-23 and his mum was a practicing GUM nurse.

OhDearMuriel · 23/10/2024 08:16

First ever online date and he asked me if I would come off the dating site, now that I had met him. Ended up stalking me. Police warning, so he stopped. I think because he was a college lecturer.

Another, blatantly lied about his height. He had lost 6 stone, but had the audacity to put his ex-wife down for being anorexic. Must have been really weird at meal times in their house.

Another sending sexual images before I had met him. Wanting to come to my house on first date. Also a lazy bum without regular work.

Humanswarm · 23/10/2024 08:25

Back when I was in the throes of OLD, I met a guy who actually seemed pretty decent. We got on well, had some great fun dates. Decided to take it to the next level..

In bed, foreplay was pretty good, and then he said 'call him William' so I'm like,'Who?', to which he responds, ' just call him William' again. By now, I'm confused and looking around the room to see if anyone else had slipped through the door..like, who? What?

Anyway, he was referring to his penis. Who apparently he referred to in the 3rd person and whom he liked people to 'talk to' separately to him.

So that was that. No place for a 3rd of any kind, thank you very much.

TwistedWonder · 23/10/2024 08:43

Some of the first contact messages are absolutely grim. I hate the ones who just say hi or even worse send a 👋 but there’s some that are so cringey.

Had one recently where his first message was ‘hi TW I’m Dave and I’m an extremely enthusiastic and energetic lover. Call me on 07Xxxxxx’

I mean seriously is anyone going to go ‘oh ok I’ll call a random bloke’

TwistedWonder · 23/10/2024 08:44

sammylady37 · 23/10/2024 07:01

I had one who called my clit my ‘love pimple’ 🤢🤢🤢

Show quote history

I guy I dated told he he loved rocking my man in a boat 🤢🤢🤢

AngelaChasesBestLife · 23/10/2024 09:25

Oh god, I thought of another one. We went to a pub on a Saturday lunchtime and sat at a table by the window. The window looked directly out onto a busy side street of shops. It was warm so it was open. He said, "that window really makes me want to put my head out and yell boo at people to scare them." I pretended not to have heard. He had an air of a student in Freshers Week stealing traffic cones to be ironic and impress their mates, except he was nearly 40.

He did it several times whilst we were having our drinks. My friends still refer to him as Boo Man.

Serendipidee · 23/10/2024 10:33

1st OLD the guy turned out to be at least 5 years older than his profile, more like 10. Some dumb excuse that he didn't want scammers to know his birth year! I was so nervous I didn't notice for a while.

A guy who didn't want to tell me his hobby initially who turned out to be totally obsessed with air guitar?? WTF

A guy who talked about himself through the entire chat/date. At the end I asked him if he wanted to ask me anything and he couldn't think of anything to ask.

A guy who told me he'd asked a 17 year old friend's daughter when she told him about a guy she liked 'if she left a snail trail'.and that he often said things like that. He was late 50's. 🤮

A guy I'd reconnected with who apparently demonstrated his huge liking for me at age 16 by kissing me. I had no idea at the time and didn't remember. He was now mostly running around for younger teenage kids at the beck and call of his ex wife (good lad really) but no good for me of course. Despite the professed adoration when I said sorry its not happening, he just said "oh ok" and toddled off.

One who I got to know a little better who had left his big thick cut toenails on top of his toilet seat when I went to use the loo.
Same one who sulked and shouted at me because I wasn't available when he arrived early (was in the bath).

One described himself as "fit", to whom I thought I would have to administer CPR as we went up a hill very slowly with the sound of extremely hard and laboured breathing.

One who on the first date/chat suddenly after being very polite, appeared to be using euphemisms about gardening and bushes, with a weird and creepy glint in his eye.
It took around a year of those to find someone who seems to be the right one. I still can't believe my luck!

Disturbia81 · 23/10/2024 10:49

Any man who shows interest in younger women, instant ick as it shows he hasn't grown up and is a youth chaser.

RaspberryBeretxx · 23/10/2024 10:55

Disturbia81 · 23/10/2024 10:49

Any man who shows interest in younger women, instant ick as it shows he hasn't grown up and is a youth chaser.

So true. I had a first date who said his ex wife was a year older than him and that "women don't age as well as men" within the explanation of why they split 🙄. He was 39 short, balding and the hair he had was grey (none of that really mattered to me but did matter in the context of saying men age better!).

Stradlater · 23/10/2024 11:20

thiscantbemylife · 22/10/2024 23:20

He was a nice guy but … on the date he got up to order more drinks and he did this awkward little waddle to the bar and he was wearing light blue jeans and I just wanted to go home after that. 🙈 the waddle looking at the back of his bald head was giving duckling.
I tried to ignore the thoughts then we got out of the bar and he was walking behind me and was like can I have a hug again please and it felt like it was my toddler at home.

He was older too and I was hoping for them daddy vibes 😂

Cackling at this 🤣

StrawberryWater · 23/10/2024 11:22

Disturbia81 · 23/10/2024 10:49

Any man who shows interest in younger women, instant ick as it shows he hasn't grown up and is a youth chaser.

Sadly. I find that a lot of men on OLD are looking for women aged between 18 and 25.

Yeah sure Gerald. You're 53, wear socks and sandals and live in a converted bachelor pad in your mother's basement. You're really going to entice a 23 year old with that!

Nothing worse than a man who won't embrace middle age and date appropriately. It says a lot when a man has more in common with a 23 year old than a 53 year old. He knows a 53 year old won't put up with his bullcrap.

TwistedWonder · 23/10/2024 12:00

StrawberryWater · 23/10/2024 11:22

Sadly. I find that a lot of men on OLD are looking for women aged between 18 and 25.

Yeah sure Gerald. You're 53, wear socks and sandals and live in a converted bachelor pad in your mother's basement. You're really going to entice a 23 year old with that!

Nothing worse than a man who won't embrace middle age and date appropriately. It says a lot when a man has more in common with a 23 year old than a 53 year old. He knows a 53 year old won't put up with his bullcrap.

Show quote history

Ain’t that the truth.

Irecently saw a profile of a bald, overweight 65 year old who dresses like man at BHS and looks every minute of his age. His profile reads - I’m only interested in women under 50 who are very attractive (no less than a 8), slim(size 10 or smaller) who don’t have children or any barriers to meeting up as often as possible for fun and maybe more. Please do not swipe right if you don’t meet this criteria thank you.
Now I know we all have our preferences but get real mate 😅

NellyTheCake · 23/10/2024 12:40

My date last week had paid to hide his age on tinder.
And had managed to lose 7yrs in the process. Meaning that he was more than 10yrs older than me and approaching 70.

Tbf he didn't look his age.

But he was looking for "slim women, 55yrs or younger" and thought I was perfect match for him.
Couldn't understand why I wasn't happy about the date.

BlastedPimples · 23/10/2024 13:39

@TwistedWonder so do these blokes get anywhere then with their wish lists?

Or do they find reality bites hard and then they start to seethe about it??

Many men I've encountered on OLD have a hugely inflated sense of how attractive they actually are. It's astonishing. And adds to their overall ugliness.