Feeling hurt! WWYD?

[SpookySN]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. It has been a very fast paced and intense relationship from the beginning. I am still going through a divorce after falling out of love with my STBXH 2.5 years ago.

My boyfriend and I are in our 30's. I have a 16 year old and he has no children.

Our relationship from the beginning has been very sexually charged. It's a very important thing for the both of us. He has taken a few photos of me giving him oral sex in the past few months and kept them in a secret folder.

Last night when we were out drinking with friends, we were all discussing sex quite openly. One girl showed a video of her having sex with another man which then prompted my boyfriend to show others the photos of me in his secret folder. I told him to put them away but because we were all quite drunk, didn't really react any further. Later that evening, the subject of sex came up again when talking with a couple of friends and then a younger girl who told us she is a lesbian. My boyfriend then proceeded to pull out one of these photos on his phone again, tap this young girl on the shoulder and then show her. It shocked her, she gasped and walked away. I was then very upset and again asked him to stop, which he did.

I mentioned it to him again this morning and said he needed to delete the photos because he can't be trusted with them. I feel degraded and hurt. He didn't protect my privacy or my dignity.

He apologised.

I just don't know how to move forward here. Is an apology enough? I am not sure.

Any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

He sounds like the type of pervert that would post naked/sexual photos of you on the internet. He might already have done. If he is willing to violate your privacy right in front of you what is he capable of when you're not there?! You need to get away he has no respect for you.

You also have a thread about his gambling/money, he's a scummy waster, get rid

I never gave him permission to take the photos, he just did it

This is illegal.

OP I’ve just read your other threads and I can’t believe you were planning to possibly uproot your 16 year old to move in with this low life after 4/5 months and talking about having a baby with him.

Sorry to say but you’ve rushed head first into a completely dysfunctional relationship, you’ve been absolutely love bombed and the sex has blinded you to reality.

Please OP get some therapy and prioritise your DS rather than your sex like with a man who has absolutely no respect for you or your boundaries.

Putting all your threads together this man is absolute scum. Hes abusive, a liar, a gambler, a freeloader and he’s broken the law by taking photos of you in sexual positions and sharing them with other people.

Maybe look at the freedom programme to understand why you’ve ignored so many red flags with this one.

Good grief OP, raise your bar off the ground and dump this piece of shit. Then report him to the police, he took and shared indecent photos of you without your permission, that’s illegal.

I hope that young girl has reported him to the police.

OP, surely you can see that this isn’t normal or acceptable?

Get some therapy, OP.

Put your child first

@SpookySN, 5 months in and you are being emotionally, sexually, and financially exploited by a predator.

Your several threads tell a very disturbing story:
(1) BF takes photos of your intimate moments without your consent and then shows them to all and sundry like porn, making you an object of gossip and pity. As his degradation of you is off the charts, I hope he hasn’t posted the pictures all over cyberland.

(2) BF is a gambling addict who reneged on covering your birthday weekend after arriving at the venue, and manipulated you into subsidizing his gambling at the casino, arcade and pub. He has blamed being short of money for nixing other activities with you, but somehow always finds the funds to gamble instead. [Be aware that hitching your wagon to a gambling addict is hell on earth.]

(3) BF is pressing you to buy a home with him and move with DS to his town (25 minutes away). You were a military family who moved frequently and have been in your current location for a year+. Understandably, DS is against being uprooted again — away from his college friends and GF. [Please prioritize your son and his well-being. Buying and moving in with this guy would spell disaster.]

(4) BF wants to have a baby, but his much younger Ex wasn’t ready. You agreed that you’d love to have a child with him and move in together in the near future. [Having a baby with this toxic criminal would be an absolute train wreck.]

@SpookySN, after only 5 months you rushed into an intense relationship with a man you didn’t even know due to sexual chemistry. He has shown himself to be a manipulative, love-bombing, lying gambling addict who has abused you sexually and financially. I would never knowingly allow my child to be around such a low life.

I strongly advise you to access IC to raise your self-esteem, strengthen your boundaries, and learn what a healthy relationship looks like. You and your son deserve so much better.

This is one of the worst "men" I've seen on MN, and that's saying a lot because there are some real shockers here. Surely even just taking the picture without your consent is a criminal offense.

This. His actions were also criminal. Your relationship is over. Please get some help for yourself and work on protecting yourself.

@SpookySN - he sounds vile and you need to get rid of him.

Given what you have tolerated from him so far and that you can say you and he have so much to look forward to, when he’s clearly not a good man, you sound vulnerable to me. Please look into having therapy and building your shark cage before you consider dating anyone else. Just focus on your son.

You've been love bombed. Listen to your mate and kick this sleazeball to the kerb. He's a bad'un.

This

End it. He is absolutely vile and has no respect for you. Being drunk is no excuse.

He has no respect for women full stop a young woman tells him she is a lesbian and his response is to show a picture of him having oral sex - look at how truly awful that is for you and for her

walk away

I just don't know how to move forward here. Is an apology enough? I am not sure.

The only possible way to move forward is away from him as rapidly as you got into this in the first place.

He sounds like a complete sleaze.

Taking and sharing intimate photos of the two of you was bad enough.

Showing them again completely unprompted was worse.

Responding to a girl telling you she was a lesbian by showing her an unsolicited oral sex video is utterly vile.

He's vile you deserve better

This.

Why are you giving a man you hardly know the power to humiliate you in this way?

You need to work on your boundaries. This is not a requirement of a relationship. Who are the people showing videos of themselves having sex? That's so weird. It's really not what most people do. You sense of reality and what's normal is being distorted