Feeling hurt! WWYD?

[SpookySN]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. It has been a very fast paced and intense relationship from the beginning. I am still going through a divorce after falling out of love with my STBXH 2.5 years ago.

My boyfriend and I are in our 30's. I have a 16 year old and he has no children.

Our relationship from the beginning has been very sexually charged. It's a very important thing for the both of us. He has taken a few photos of me giving him oral sex in the past few months and kept them in a secret folder.

Last night when we were out drinking with friends, we were all discussing sex quite openly. One girl showed a video of her having sex with another man which then prompted my boyfriend to show others the photos of me in his secret folder. I told him to put them away but because we were all quite drunk, didn't really react any further. Later that evening, the subject of sex came up again when talking with a couple of friends and then a younger girl who told us she is a lesbian. My boyfriend then proceeded to pull out one of these photos on his phone again, tap this young girl on the shoulder and then show her. It shocked her, she gasped and walked away. I was then very upset and again asked him to stop, which he did.

I mentioned it to him again this morning and said he needed to delete the photos because he can't be trusted with them. I feel degraded and hurt. He didn't protect my privacy or my dignity.

He apologised.

I just don't know how to move forward here. Is an apology enough? I am not sure.

Any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

The more I think about it and given your subsequent posts, its baffling that you are even considering not ditching him.
If this was a friend of yours - what would you advise them to do? Do that. ie bin. This isnt a situation that has any merit/continuing worth.

Madness allowing someone you barely know to take these photos. You need to delete them yourself and then delete him. He's probably already shown them to his mates. Hopefully a lesson learnt?

So you’ve met a man and been blinded to the fact you barely know him by the non stop sex?

And after a few short months he’s revealed himself to be a liar, a gambler and have no respect for you and you’re procrastinating about whether you should finished with this creep? Hes late 30’s yet showing off like a cocky teenager

Oh come on OP you can do better than this grubby twat. And look at the company you keep - do you really want to spend nights out seeing videos of randoms shagging? And letting a man take these photos - please be more careful ffs unless you want to be splattered over the internet giving head.

What advice would you give your 16 year old if they had a sexual partner who shared photos of their intimate moments to their friends?

Strong feelings at this stage OP tend to be physical ones that cloud your judgement.
He can’t be trusted with anything at all. He’s clearly thought he could show off in front of others by showing images which should be sacred. Vile.
Secondly, he’s a CF and using you as he clearly has gambling issues.
You must have been through a lot going through a major break up, is that what you want waiting for you at the end of all of that upheaval? A man who would do that to you?
I know images/films like this aren’t unusual anymore but I think they are so dangerous.
Please walk away from this one. The longer you stay in it, the worse it’s going to get.

You’re almost certainly right. If he can be so casual about showing photos to people he doesn’t know I would guarantee he’s already shown his mates

Your friend sounds smart, take her advice Op.

How can OP make sure they haven't been forwarded to anyone? She can't. They may have already been uploaded to Porn sites for all she knows.

He's horrible.

But 'love' isn't just feelings, hormones or lust. It is a thoughtful, committed decision and mutual respect.

He displays none of this. Get rid.

If he can casually show people in the pub he will have shown his mates, his work mates and anyone else interested. And possibly posted them on line.
Did you conemsent to making home made porn?
The only thing you can do about this situation is contact the police.
And in future work on your boundaries and self esteem and chose your sexual partners more carefully.

Gambling... £50 quid on the fruities and more in a casino? He is a regular gambler and I would imagine that he has a problem especially as he has no money to do anything.

Humiliating you...that would be it for me. Taking photos (while in a very trusting relationship) is one thing, but to show them is him telling you exactly the sort of man he is.

You don't have "so much to look forward to". Honestly, this is not a relationship to pursue, you're worth so much more than settling for this creep.

You don't have so much to look forward to. You have inadvertently got in to a relationship with someone who hasn't matured beyond the age if 12.

OP, when you think about what has happened, what do you feel you want to do in the immediate term?

What has happened to you has elements of sexual assault - so it might be best to take it in very tiny steps.

I reckon you only have feelings for the man you thought /wanted him to be.
He is a liar and happy to show your intimate pics to anyone... Is that really your worth?

What is the ‘so much to look forward to’? More disrespect, lying, gambling and you bankrolling this creep.

Look at what you’ve written here. Do you really want more of the same shit?

Absolutely get rid before you get even more emotionally attached. The girl was probably shocked he was so openly disrespectful to you sitting right there. Make sure he deletes and move on.

Get rid, he can't be trusted. A friend of mine had a similar experience, fairly new boyfriend talked her into having sex photos taken, promised they would never be seen by anyone else.
A few months later another woman he was seeing found a memory stick in his car, containing the photos. She tried to blackmail her with them. My friend still doesn't know if the pics still exist .

Whatever you decide, I would ensure that the photos are deleted and maybe share this link with him
https://www.cps.gov.uk/cps/news/illegal-sexual-behaviour-online-including-sharing-and-threatening-share-intimate-images

my goodness the more you tell us about him makes him even worse.

you clearly don't think you can do better

YOU CAN

believe me !

He laughs at other people expense!! That alone would give me the absolute ick. People that do that are nasty.

Been together 5 months and allowing sexual pics.
Going out drinking with people who openly show videos of them having sex.
He shows sexual images of you to other people.
He gambles despite having no money.

OP, What exactly is it you have to look forward to because it sure isn't a happily ever after?

FFS @SpookySN this bloke is a disaster. Gambling, being tight-fisted and laughing at people? Not to mention the sex photos and humiliating you.

Throw him back in the sea.

I wouldn't bother telling him to delete the photos. They're probably on all kinds of porn sites already.

He doesn’t respect you - he isn’t being careful about your feelings. This is a fling for him.

The woman showing everyone a video of her having sex wasn't really a friend, just someone who joined the discussion because she knew a lot of people on our table. What possessed my boyfriend to then show these pictures of us has thrown me.

I do deserve better. Walking away from my marriage was supposed to be a healing experience for me. I wanted to be with someone who would finally love and respect me. I feel like I've abandoned myself and turned to someone similar.

You also then need to make sure the trash can folder has also been emptied because you can otherwise restore deleted photos.

I'd check his inbox and sent messages folder in email as well to make sure there's no copies in there from him that he sent to himself or others.