Feeling hurt! WWYD?

[SpookySN]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. It has been a very fast paced and intense relationship from the beginning. I am still going through a divorce after falling out of love with my STBXH 2.5 years ago.

My boyfriend and I are in our 30's. I have a 16 year old and he has no children.

Our relationship from the beginning has been very sexually charged. It's a very important thing for the both of us. He has taken a few photos of me giving him oral sex in the past few months and kept them in a secret folder.

Last night when we were out drinking with friends, we were all discussing sex quite openly. One girl showed a video of her having sex with another man which then prompted my boyfriend to show others the photos of me in his secret folder. I told him to put them away but because we were all quite drunk, didn't really react any further. Later that evening, the subject of sex came up again when talking with a couple of friends and then a younger girl who told us she is a lesbian. My boyfriend then proceeded to pull out one of these photos on his phone again, tap this young girl on the shoulder and then show her. It shocked her, she gasped and walked away. I was then very upset and again asked him to stop, which he did.

I mentioned it to him again this morning and said he needed to delete the photos because he can't be trusted with them. I feel degraded and hurt. He didn't protect my privacy or my dignity.

He apologised.

I just don't know how to move forward here. Is an apology enough? I am not sure.

Any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Absolutely this ^^

It sounds like you’re trying to ‘understand’ why he did this OP. What difference will that make? What possible reason would warrant him humiliating you in this way?

Please stop trying to figure him out - focus on yourself and how you can remove yourself from this abuser.

Why are you settling for someone who clearly does not value when you have stated this is exactly what you do not want?

This man is vile, he has zero respect for you. I'm astonished you did not immediately walk away!

And you can break the cycle by WALKING AWAY from this guy and acknowledging that you deserve a man who protects you and values you ❤️‍🩹

Before you decide anything, he deletes those photos in front of you. Ask him very bluntly, if he has any further copies and make sure he deletes them in front of you too. Unfortunately, if he says he doesn't have any further copies, there is no way of truly knowing if he's being honest. Once deleted, I would end the relationship. He's shown you that he's untrustworthy and has disrespected you. As others have said, it wouldn't surprise me if he's shown his friends these pictures. He was quick to whip his phone out and show others, with you being there, so I can't imagine he'd have any reservations of doing the same if you weren't!!

He sounds nasty. Not only for breaking your trust and showing round private photos of you (and of course that’s not the first time if he’s done it so casually!) and also for how he enjoyed shocking and using them to harass other women.
i think he’s not the person you thought he was and after only 5 months you’re still getting to know who he really is. It sounds quite love bomby too.

I'm not seeing anything about this relationship worth saving. Take it as a wake up call to get rid.

And just don't let anyone take pictures of you like that, in which your face is recognisable.

It just isn't worth the risk. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Your friend is absolutely correct. Having read your update I'm wondering why you are hesitating.

@SpookySN How awful for you. You trusted him with something intensely private and he has betrayed you.
In my eyes this is as bad a betrayal as cheating on someone. It’s so callous and disrespectful.
I worked in a male dominated environment for many years and heard on that grapevine that one of my colleagues would show videos of his wife in compromising situations to male colleagues. Why none of them ever reported him to a manager is beyond me. It’s unforgivable.

Get rid asap

How do you move forward? Without him.

He's vile. There was no shortage of dick last time I checked OP. Take some time to process what happened in your marriage, what you're going to do to avoid repeating past mistakes, and to work out what you want in a future relationship, this rebound one was a bad bad choice. Get rid immediately.

OP after you’ve dumped this loser don’t beat yourself up.

Many of us have made dreadful choices for a rebound after our marriages broke up often blinded by getting regular sex again.

All you can do is learn from it and don’t repeat same mistakes.

I recommend taking time to be single and really work on understanding yourself and what you really want from your future.

I'd request he deletes them and if he doesn't, police involved. Remind him revenge porn is a crime. Dump this arsehole.

He truly is vile scum.
How could you want him near you and your life, your child?
Unbelievable.
You should consider involving the police.
Would you like your daughter in this type of situation?
Being used by such scum?

😐 id definitely be furious . Did he take the photos with your permission? If not I'd be furious about that too. He sounds awful, immature and disrespectful. Tbh this whole group of 'friends' sound like a bunch of morons. As soon as you said you were uncomfortable they should've stopped looking. It all seems quite inappropriate to me but maybe I've just led a sheltered life!
None of this is your fault. I hope you're okay and manage to put this terrible experience behind you.

I never gave him permission to take the photos, he just did it. However, I never asked him to delete them afterwards because he told me he put them in a secret folder, which is my mistake.

It’s actually quite difficult to completely delete an image as I found out once after sending a photo to my dh.

I had to delete it from my camera roll,
then go into the deleted photos file where it sits for 30 days and delete it again.
it was also stored in the memory cache of whatever I’d sent it on (possibly WhatsApp)
then I had to repeat the steps on his phone.

It was about 7 or 8 steps in total,

Don’t assume that if he deletes them in front of you that the job is done.

If that’s how he treats your image when you’re his gf and sitting right with him, I hate to think what will happen if you break up.

Was he pushing your boundaries when he took the photos? Was that really something you were cool with, or something you went along with to avoid being uncool?

So he took photos without your permission? Along with everything else you’ve posted he’s absolutely fucking vile and abusive.

Please please please dump this disgusting creep.

OMG he took and stored sexual images of you without your consent?

This is truly shocking.

And also illegal.

You need to get rid of this one, that is so disrespectful get him to delete the photos first then make sure they are permanently deleted from the deleted folder

I'm sorry that's horrible. I would be concerned about what he does with your pictures when you aren't there. I would have a long think about whether this is a man you can trust to spend your life with. x

Come on now, OP,

• he took photos without your consent,
• he showed these photos around without your consent,
• he bullshitted you about "taking you away" and paying for it all but you ended up paying,
• he finds money to gamble while claiming to be skint

You don't have much to look forward to with him, you really don't.

He's dreadful,
Get rid.

He doesn't respect you