Met a man OLD

[confuseddater12]

He said ‘let’s keep things open for now’

What does this mean?

If this is a genuine question -

From my experience ones who are keen make an effort, even if you aren’t yet exclusive.

Communication won’t necessarily be non stop texts, but they will keep in touch with you consistently (not disappearing for a few hours / days then suddenly messaging again (this is a tell tale sign they’ve had a match with someone else and are concentrating on them, when it doesn’t go anywhere they get back in touch with you.

They’ll seem genuinely interested in you and your life and remember things you told them. They won’t pressure you for photos / sex chat & dates will allow you time to get to know one another - not just drinks in busy bars or going to one another’s homes but walks, dinners, activities etc.

ok, now im convinced this is either a joke or a kid on half term. no one can be this naive surely?!

this isn't a joke - I don't know why you are saying that

Fucking hell what is wrong with people communicating? Why don’t you actually ask the guy because maybe he just wants to keep it casual for now until he commits into a proper relationship maybe that’s what he means before anybody jumps to a conclusion otherwise or maybe he does just want sex at the end of the day why don’t you ask him and see if he’s being honest with you all these little opinions you get on here they don’t know shit either.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5170537-dating-thread-250-autumn

Read the OP of this thread and maybe have a look through as this is the thread for people using OLD to share experiences

I'd just take it as a warning to keep dating other people as well and not to put huge amounts of energy into him.

If you like him, go on a few more dates and have some fun.

If you think he's punching tho, then probably best to drop him, as if he drops you you're going to feel like poop.

Why are folks so shallow punching up etc Jesus yes she may be good looking she may also be a bitch like seriously

I'd translate that as "he likes you but is keeping his options open" & may be dating others.

I think he's trying to manage your expectations OP, just not very directly.

Having said that, I wouldn't state 2 dates as a relationship.

thanks *ProseccoOnTap *- re the following, what do you mean hanging your expectations? that I shouldn't expect anything from him?

I'd translate that as "he likes you but is keeping his options open" & may be dating others.
I think he's trying to manage your expectations OP

I don't think you got where I was coming from, tbh.

OP thinks she's a lot more attractive than he is, so couldn't credit the idea of being his fallback option, (which she might well be because he's got others on the go that he might like better, for their personalities or sense of humour or because they're a small blonde Portuguese skier Who when she's not training does abstract paintings Practices yoga and brews her own beer). If he is the first to drop her, that's gonna smart.

Alright,

The way it's generally done these days with OLD is:

few dates,

if keen at this stage then establish exclusivity. This doesn't necessarily mean you 'know' anything but you are mutually excited about the match enough to not see others whilst you see how it goes/ have sex.

If it doesn't go anywhere, call it off

If the connection sticks, it either continues as is indefinitely or some people 'make it official'

From personal experience, interest sufficient not to want to keep looking actively online or going on other dates may lead somewhere, early ambivalence generally doesn't. Others may disagree.

If he meant let's keep this open as in let's keep dating others then that's fine, it's honest. I wouldn't take it as real enthusiasm. There aren't that many genuinely strong matches. Many will give their attention to a good one even if it doesn't work out. Two dates in is early but the good relationships I've had, it's been clear there has been potential from the off and I've wanted to be exclusive, that's the thing.

If you're not sure that's what he meant, clarify.

Many people are telling you repeatedly that this is the case. You can listen or you can crack on, but don't be surprised if he doesn't want anything serious.

He’s telling you he isn’t keen enough on you to stop seeking out connections with other women while he dates you. So by all means carry on dating but he is either not that into you yet or is a serial dater.

This is a fish to throw back into the sea unless you want something without commitment.

Do people just match with one person and come off OLD? I thought you were meant to see a few people until you find your one.
Of course this does not mean having sex with mules people, unless that's what you choose.

Not everyone does things the same but IME you'd date around until you meet someone you see potential with, have a few dates and decide quite quickly whether to continue exclusively.

This isn't a long term commitment or anything.

It just allows you (IME) to get to know someone without distraction or unnecessary hurt feelings on either side.

If it's not to be then you can say 'no thanks' and move on.

When I met my DP, I cancelled other dates straight away because I had no interest in anyone else before seeing things through with him. He was the same. We also live in a much smaller city than I was previously used to and I didn't want him seeing me on a date with another bloke!

You are unlikely to get a relationship out of him. Basically "let's keep things open" means dating others. Whether he's still hoping for sex too within that, only he can answer. However, you get to choose if you don't mind seeing him on a fairly platonic basis while seeing others, want to ditch because it's going to not go as you'd like, or agree to casual no strings sex.
If he's in his 40's, he might be anything between putting it about lots, or actually just being superficial and not getting as far as sex with many becauseof ED. You can't know where he's at on that without asking. I'd of had to of asked what he ment by that, so I was clear. Also, did he just volunteer this up, or did you ask if he was dating others?
Has he asked for another date, or was that his way of putting you off and moving on?

I dont even know what that means, didn't you ask him to elaborate?

It’s not all about looks though is it, it’s about whether you’re the full package he would want to commit to. Besides that, looks can be quite subjective, and he might not fancy you as much as you fancy yourself

You’d need to understand his definition of keeping it open, it it meant shagging loads of other people I’d not be interested in a guy like that, if it means starting with friendship and seeing how it goes without initial commitment, that’s fair enough as you just met

I guess one way to find out is to carry on getting to know him but not have sex with him. You will eventually find out if he just wants sex or if he is serious about getting to know you better.
My husband married me before we had sex so I knew he was serious about me!!

OP with kindness, come off OLD... You're either very, very naive or you're expecting everyone on there to sweep you off your feet.

You're like fresh meat

After not getting a date after being on there a while, he's finally getting attention. He's probably been on a few dates, and told them all "let's keep things open" and keeps his options open, until he's had a few experiences, and selected his chosen one.

You need to wise up, take nothing at face value.

You'll get eaten alive!