Met a man OLD

[confuseddater12]

He said ‘let’s keep things open for now’

What does this mean?

Not necessarily. I’ve got friends who have done OLD for a couple of years but not met anyone they’ve really connected with.

This is what I thought too. I thought it was a good sign that he was positive about previous experiences

I think 'go with the flow' and 'keep it open' are modern terms for what we used to call 'playing the field' back in my day and it was pretty common, for both sexes. These days it seems that people feel the need to 'be exclusive' right away. Why restrict yourself right off the bat? If you make a friend do you automatically drop all your other friends? No. So why limit your possibilities just because ONE person comes along. Take time to get to know them, really get to know them, before you limit the other 'possibilities' out there.

Nothing wrong with playing the field, as long as one is honest about it, as he apparently has been. It might not always mean 'just sex' but these days I wouldn't be surprised if someone felt that sex was part of a casual relationship.

Personally, when a man told me he wanted to 'keep it casual' then for me that meant no sex, just 'dates'. It was one way of keeping myself from getting too 'attached'. And since this was way back in the '80s it also meant no risk of STIs. If a man liked me for my company, he'd stick around. If he felt that sex had to be part of a casual relationship, he wasn't right for me. I had non-exclusive relationships that developed into 'exclusivity' and a sexual relationship, and I had ones that drifted away after a month or so because they felt that I should sleep with them with no sort of commitment. It's up to you to decide the boundaries you feel comfortable with when someone tells you they don't want to 'couple up' right away.

He isn't bowled over by the connection that's all. Just like you're not.

He is happy to keep dating you/ seeing where it goes/ shagging if it's on offer but hasn't felt enough common ground to want to close off all other possibilities.

It's isn't necessarily nefarious, better he's clear. But if you're not happy dating more than one at once it's your cue to leave things there.

Generally I'd say you know after two dates if it's going anywhere. There's none of this consternation about being too good looking for them and them wanting to keep it open. I'd cut my losses.

People date over the course of a few years, that's normal. Have short flings and breaks then try again.

Strange to say and not to be vain but I was often described as very attractive in my faraway youth. Despite that I had lots of men who were interested in one night stands rather than a continuing relationship. No matter how attractive you might be, you have to accept that not everybody you date will be interested in a long-term relationship. If you're looking for a long term relationship, don't have sex with them for simply ages - that's my idea of keeping it casual. Most of the time as you get to know them they might not be your version of partner material so you'll have saved yourself from getting deeply involved and having hurt feelings. To my utter horror, I once discovered somebody I had a few dates with was into group sex with a bunch of pseudo intellectuals and, seemingly, not entirely heterosexual. (Now if that's what makes people happy good on them but I just wanted a partner who was not having sex with other people on a somewhat regular basis.) I just flew out of the house as if my heels were on fire. It also made me view one of my former lecturers in a whole new light.

I’m not sure you can know after two dates tho? He says he’s very excited by me, and we should keep things open for now

I’d never expect commitment and other possibilities to be closed off after two dates

All these phrases confuse me because of course you should keep things open and go with the flow

nobody commits after two dates

I’m finding this all so confusing

Mm, he's so excited, he wants to keep things open. I would not expect him to be promising anything after two dates but the fact that he is so explicit about keeping things open, makes me think he is not utterly smitten. Men who are keen want to secure you as soon as possible and are not explicitly saying that things are open for now.

Men who are keen want to secure you as soon as possible

Smitten after two dates? We are older, not teenagers…do men still behave that way well into their 40s?

😆
It always seems to me that the "ethically non monogamous" guys on the apps aren't usually the ones that look as if they're going to have luck with one, let alone multiple, women.

Have you still got his number? 😆

This made me chuckle

I do wonder if they get much luck

I have two very handsome male friends looking for a relationship- they are hardly getting any matches

I don’t think OLD is working for anyone really

I agree. If a man is keen on you then he’ll let you know. None of this ‘keeping things open’ nonsense

Some people are happy to multi date others aren’t. Just as long as everyone is honest and open and on the same page then that’s fine

Why don't you ask him, OP? Just say you'd like to know what he meant when he said 'he’s very excited by me, and we should keep things open for now'.

That is open to interpretation, and you can ask for clarity without sounding clingy or implying you want things to become more serious. Just what did he actually mean by that?

@crackofdoom I can say he was at least very good looking but alas I no longer have his number. He might be online though if you hunt hard enough. I believe he went into academia.

I always wonder if the ones who say they’re in an open relationship have actually told their wives that 🤣🤣

op, you have only been on 2 dates, this angst isnt worth it and not to offend, but you do come across as incredibly naive, maybe its best to come off the apps until you have done some work on your self?

Sounds like he wants to keep looking online and making dates with other women. He wants to keep his options open. I’d probably leave him to it and move on.

Just like the men OLD - his thinking well if I attract this woman, I wonder who else I can find better, perhaps I can 10 gorgeous women fighting over me. 😂 sadly not even joking.

even my very good looking male friends struggle to get matches and go on dates though...so they can think that, but I don't think the reality supports their delusion?

Just like the men OLD - his thinking well if I attract this woman, I wonder who else I can find better, perhaps I can 10 gorgeous women fighting over me. 😂 sadly not even joking.

THIS! WITH BELLS ON

Ain’t that the truth. Overweight pensioners who resemble Mr Potato Head are messaging women 20+ years their junior and get arsey when they get a polite no thank you. The delusions are strong.

So out of curiosity...how do I know if this guy isn't into me or if he's just not looking for anything meaningful with anyone? outcome is the same, sure, but I am curious...my friends have told me there are men just looking for sex and no relationship...could this man be one of them?

Keep seeing him then - what’s the problem??

If you’re happy being casual & knowing he is dating you while still dating others / keeping his options open, then carry on?

If you want to date someone who isn’t having sex with other people then bin him off.

They all say “can’t believe someone like you is talking to me,” btw

because people here are saying to bin him off, that he's not after a relationship etc and 'They all say “can’t believe someone like you is talking to me,” btw'

it seems nothing is real or honest