How many us us don't mind our dh's/dp's looking at porn? How does it affect your relationship?

[DrNortherner]

Dh always has from the day I met him. In fact all my previous boyf's did too. (not sure what that says about me!)

I have no issue with it at all. I have always said that, dh can use it openly and I don't object.

With all these threads from women who are distraught cause they find porn on the PC, it gets me thinking.

We have a good relationship and a helathy sex life.

How about you?

He looks at porn sometimes. I saw a video clip saved to his desktop when he was showing me something a couple of days ago and I said "Give us a look then", he did, and we both had a giggle. I didn't feel betrayed or hurt or not good enough.

The reality is, he's never going to meet these women he perves at in the porn films. And I know i'd much rather him perve at them, than find someone else in real life to perve at.

I've always said that as long as it's not hidden and done on the sly, then I have no problem with it.

i would not like it

sometimes we discuss it - maybe we could look at it (watch a film) together but we never do

just not his bag i guess

i don't care unless I'm not getting any myself and then it pisses me off (my ex DP)

My Dp does too, I dont care, I let him get on with it!!! Its mainly boobs anyway, I have plenty of that!

me and dh watch porn together and apart .theres nothing wrong with it .

DH isn't into it on his own and doesn't have any porn in the house / on computer etc. He will watch it with me occasionally if I suggest it, but to be honest, these days that's very rare. I've never had a problem with previous boyfriends being into it, but I'd keep an eye on it. men who are obssessed with porn are creepy.

My DP looks at it online on a not too regular basis.
Its all pretty 'normal' stuff he looks at and he doesn't cover his tracks very well.
I don't even mention it to him anymore as he gets a bit embarassed about it (especially since I slagged him about how tame it was).
I don't like to 'watch' like he does, but I like to read online filth which gets my mind going.
We don't watch/read any together because we like different things.
Not really any issue with it, although maybe because its just 'tame' stuff he likes, I don't know if I would have an issue if it was something more vile iykwim.

If you'd asked me a few years ago I would have said that I didn't mind, that it was harmless. But after becoming involved with the whole violence against women agenda throug hwork I am now totally opposed to porn and if I found my DP using it I would be very upset. Not so much re the "he does't love me, I'm not enough for him" but more re the abuse against women that the porn inductry causes and perpetuates.

I dont have a problem with porn i have a pbroblem with hiding it if he was open and didnt deny it i wouldnt bat an eyelid tbh

Maybe I'm being unrealistic but I would hope my dh gets all the pleasure he needs from me!!
I would have to question our sexual relationship if he felt the need to watch other people at it!

A lady on another post said that she found Asian girls and all sorts on her husbands PC, and it belittled her because obviously she can never be Asian, so she got the idea that she could never be the type that he was really turned on by. I agree with this, as it happened to me. So it depends what they are looking at and how much it threatens my self-esteem, I suppose, but I don't object to porn per se.

It's not so much watching other people at it, it's watching other people at it in situations/positions/fantasies that you wouldn't neccessarily engage in.

And dittany - very naive view of porn. Women are very often 'fucking' men, not the other way round. Women in porn nowadays are very strong and well paid women. Not poorly paid housewives getting tossed around a porn set and disrespected at every chance someone gets.

I know someone who used to text and be the girl on the 'chat'line it just makes me laugh when i think aobut these poor men being 'tricked' into thinking what is going on. I bet some of the woman in the movies are thinking about their shopping lists or other such mundane strff - just sad really but if people want to pay for it and think its real so be it.

How do you know what your dhs are doing online then?
Do yuo go and check?
I have no idea what mine is doing and frankly couldn't care less. Same is true of me i am sure.

I agree with little woman,

But its more my insecurities.

Whereas my DH doesn't look at a specific type of woman such as asian I still feel hurt because I dont look ANYTHING like those women

I think how can he look at them and get visually turned on, slim women with perfect bodies, large pert breasts ect ... then slip into bed with me and feel the same arousal when Im nothing like that?

I used to be, but Ive really let myself go after the 2 babies and now Im pg again Im only going to get worse

I have no idea but i really wouldn't mind, unless it was aesthetically bad porn, you know with the orange ladies with the really crispy bleached hair. Then i'd be cross and insist he keep searching until he finds some ladies with normal skin tone and better conditioned hair.

I don't think that's unreasonable.

Actully before we got together he said he always imagined he would marry a japanese woman because the are petite, pretty and loving.

Thats always played on my mind and I have an image in my mind of the woman he wanted to marry and Im nothing like that,

perhaps this is my hormones talking

There's porn and porn. Online can be "risky" for some relationships because some men find it to cross the line into more interactive stuff. Or some allow themselves to be drawn in. Others getting addicted.

Relationships (and trust) can get damaged, sometimes irreparably, over something that might have started with "a little dabbling with online porn".

Why is just women who are hard done by? I'm pretty sure that the last time I saw porn - men were in the scenes too. Not prostitutes? Or just manly pimps? Hmm.

Look at Jenna Jameson, Chasey Lain - yes, very hard done by prostitues.

It's a multi billion pound industry. Women are more powerful than you think as ultimately, without them, we'd all be watching men on men.

They are not being forced into it. They are not being held at gunpoint and told to spread their legs. They choose that career, nothing stops them from working 9-5 stacking shelves, anyone can walk into that. Sadly most women are sucked into it for the glamour and money, but end up on low budget film sets making cheesy porn flicks with men old enought to be their dad. They still have the choice to walk off set, but they don't. Wonder why...

Anyway, back to OP's topic.

mine does and it's no bother.