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Original poster

Don't want my GF sharing a room with colleague....

108 replies

iminsecurez · 19/10/2024 22:04

Both female
Live together ,4 year relationship.
She's started a new job and in 2 weeks going away with her work mates for a company works party.
They have been told they will be sharing a room with a colleague.
My partner sharing with her boss
I know it makes no sense but I don't like the idea.
I can't say anything because I know I'm being silly.

Would you feel this way ?

OP posts:
Skate76 · 20/10/2024 05:56

It wouldn't be safe for her to share with a man which is why HR have a same sex policy. I understand how you feel OP and I wouldn't like it either. I'd refuse to attend any event where I had it to share a room.

CarlaBird · 20/10/2024 06:35

I'm a lesbian and I've shared a room with female colleagues lots of times. It's never been a problem.
I wish people wouldn't say or suggest there's any similarity to sharing with a man. That would be unsafe, because he's a man no matter his sexual orientation. A lesbian is a woman, so can be presumed to be as safe as any other woman ffs.

Sandysoles · 20/10/2024 06:35

If the boss said she wouldn’t share a room with your gf because she (your gf) was a lesbian and she (the boss) wouldn’t feel comfortable I think most people would be pretty appalled and find that to be deeply homophobic and think it would be very discriminatory.

Simonjt · 20/10/2024 06:41

Your girlfriend really needs to know she is in a relationship with someone who is both controlling and jealous, they’re things no one should expect as part of a healthy relationship.

niadainud · 20/10/2024 06:43

Clamfoo · 19/10/2024 22:42

This is what I asked above.

Can you not get her to share a twin room with a guy then instead?

Show quote history

Logically he would have to be gay.

jefl011 · 20/10/2024 06:55

I'm as straight as they come however once had to share a cabin (ex-submariner) for 6 months with my boss who was a lesbian. She was in a committed relationship and it was never any different to sharing with another female colleague.

Never felt uncomfortable etc with it and never thought to.

StarlightLady · 20/10/2024 07:05

I really don’t see an issue here.

l’m a bi woman in my 40s and this reminds me of those “can men and women ever be friends” type thread. Because on that basis, l can’t have any friends.

Your partner may be lesbian, but that is not a reason why she can’t share a room with another women, without difficulty.

lf this is really causing such difficulty, you are going to find life a hell of a slog.

Boredlass · 20/10/2024 07:08

It wouldn’t bother me. I wouldn’t care if my DH had to share with someone of the opposite sex as I’m not a jealous person and I trust him. We are very secure.

Completelyjo · 20/10/2024 07:09

iminsecurez · 19/10/2024 22:35

I don't like the idea of her sharing a Room with a random woman she's known for a month.
Not a friend ,she's just a woman she works with.
I don't like it
And yes I'm a bit jealous

This is really weird.

LouiseTopaz · 20/10/2024 07:11

I'd never share a room with a colleague I feel like it crosses too many personal boundaries, I'd never want my manager to hear me on the toilet or snoring etc. but I like to keep work and friendships separate as it's caused issues for me before.

littleburn · 20/10/2024 07:20

Well a woman should never be asked to share a room with a man because that's a safe-guarding risk so that's not a true comparison and a whole separate issue to being jealous. Would you rather your DW share with a man and be at risk in that way?

DoIWantTo · 20/10/2024 07:35

You’re not ready for a relationship if this is the kind of shit you give a crap about. You don’t trust her, let her go.

MayaPinion · 20/10/2024 07:45

Women and men don't share rooms for reasons of dignity and safety, not to prevent them from having sex. If people want to have sex on a work trip they will find an opportunity to do so regardless of whether they are sharing a room or not.

purplebeansprouts · 20/10/2024 07:47

iminsecurez · 19/10/2024 22:35

I don't like the idea of her sharing a Room with a random woman she's known for a month.
Not a friend ,she's just a woman she works with.
I don't like it
And yes I'm a bit jealous

How does she feel about it?

saraclara · 20/10/2024 07:54

If the boss is straight, what do you have to worry about? She's not going to come on to your partner.

category12 · 20/10/2024 07:54

Dunno why people are talking about her being made to share a room by work - it's a work social, so presumably optional.

But if you make it an issue, OP, you really shouldn't.

It's not a double room, it's a twin room, and if you don't trust your partner alone with another woman, then you need to get out of the relationship.

If you start being controlling about this, trying to limit her and police her, you're
a. more likely to drive her away
b. going to become someone you (hopefully) don't want to be

Either trust her or leave her.

You may have uncomfortable feelings due to your own insecurities but those are yours to manage, not hers to sacrifice to.

SiobahnRoy · 20/10/2024 07:58

OP you say yourself that I know it makes no sense but I don't like the idea.
I can't say anything because I know I'm being silly and yet you won’t accept others telling you this, having asked for opinions.

Vhp83 · 20/10/2024 08:01

I would refuse if I was told I had to share with a colleague! I am not sharing with anyone I work with if I have to go away. No way it's weird.
I think the boss is being unreasonable even asking personally. I would feel uncomfortable I don't particularly like sharing with friends like my own space so maybe I am a bit different.

AmberAlert86 · 20/10/2024 08:18

iminsecurez · 19/10/2024 22:36

If I had a boyfriend and it was him sharing with a female colleague...people would understand but because it's a woman people think it should be okay.

You have a point! I wouldn't want to share a room with a male colleague. Or for my DH to share a room with a female colleague.
However my 2 female colleagues had to share a room in the past. They knew each other well, and got on so was no issue there.
Can you afford to get a separate room for your DG? But I guess that would cause awkwardness for your DG.

notatinydancer · 20/10/2024 08:21

Clamfoo · 19/10/2024 22:47

Ah yeah that figures.

Well as long as her boss is as straight as they come then I'd not worry.

Even if her boss is gay , doesn't mean they'd automatically be having sex.

Not every gay person fancies every other gay person.

MoreCardassianThanKardashian · 20/10/2024 08:22

I'd be kicking off or not going if I had to share a room with a colleague. What kind of bullshit company is it?! Can she pay half of the cost and get her own room? I wouldn't want to spend my own money either but as a last resort before my almighty huff!

I get you! I wouldn't want DH sharing with a female- they may not even be attracted to each other but my mind would still be going wild.

burnoutbabe · 20/10/2024 08:24

iminsecurez · 19/10/2024 22:42

I'm not insecure
I just don't want my girlfriend sharing with another woman
If your husband was sharing with another woman you don't mind ?

I get you.

My sister (married to a woman) was expected to share (with another woman) on a conference and she pointed out it was inappropriate as she was married. She may have offered to pay the extra to be alone.

category12 · 20/10/2024 08:25

AmberAlert86 · 20/10/2024 08:18

You have a point! I wouldn't want to share a room with a male colleague. Or for my DH to share a room with a female colleague.
However my 2 female colleagues had to share a room in the past. They knew each other well, and got on so was no issue there.
Can you afford to get a separate room for your DG? But I guess that would cause awkwardness for your DG.

Show quote history

She shouldn't try to make her girlfriend change arrangements because she feels uncomfortable about it. That's really controlling.

If it was a boyfriend trying to interfere with work or social arrangements, it'd be plain that would be red flag city for controlling behaviour.

CrazyGoatLady · 20/10/2024 08:28

You are BU about the principle of sharing a room with a female colleague, but I also think the employer is BU asking colleagues to share. I get there are some jobs (eg military) where it's part of the job when you live and work with your colleagues, but I don't think in most circumstances it's fair to ask colleagues who aren't friends and don't know each other well to share rooms. A self catering Airbnb setup might be different where people have their own bedrooms and share bathroom/kitchen.

I would absolutely refuse if my employer said I had to share on a work trip, thankfully it's never been asked. It would feel very weird hearing my boss snore/in the bathroom etc.

Redruns · 20/10/2024 08:33

Are the rooms a work organised thing?

When I had a commute thar meant it was easier to stay over after work socials I'd share with anyone who'd have me, but that was to save me half the cost of a room. I think it's unusual for the company to ask staff to share? The large organisation I work for stopped doing that in 1989!