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Original poster

Don't want my GF sharing a room with colleague....

108 replies

iminsecurez · 19/10/2024 22:04

Both female
Live together ,4 year relationship.
She's started a new job and in 2 weeks going away with her work mates for a company works party.
They have been told they will be sharing a room with a colleague.
My partner sharing with her boss
I know it makes no sense but I don't like the idea.
I can't say anything because I know I'm being silly.

Would you feel this way ?

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 19/10/2024 22:57

Clamfoo · 19/10/2024 22:54

I can understand where the OP is coming from, can't you?

Would you let your husband sleep in a twin room with a woman from work? It's the same deal.

Show quote history

I'm gay, as I said.

Hence, no husband.

I don't understand where the OP is coming from.

9ToGoal · 19/10/2024 22:58

iminsecurez · 19/10/2024 22:36

If I had a boyfriend and it was him sharing with a female colleague...people would understand but because it's a woman people think it should be okay.

The situation would be the same if your boyfriend was sharing a room with a gay man. If the female colleague refused to share with your gf because she was gay HR would rightfully drag her over the coals.

You shouldn't be with your gf if you can't trust her not to hit on any woman in proximity. Which is what you are implying.

SarahAndQuack · 19/10/2024 22:59

And, frankly, anyone who interprets their place in a relationship as having the right to 'let' their partner make decisions about who they share a room with, needs to think about their behaviour.

It is totally understandable if you worry about someone's safety or comfort. It is not ok to think you are entitled to 'let' or 'not let' your partner decide who they share a room with in a platonic context like this.

SarahAndQuack · 19/10/2024 23:02

9ToGoal · 19/10/2024 22:58

The situation would be the same if your boyfriend was sharing a room with a gay man. If the female colleague refused to share with your gf because she was gay HR would rightfully drag her over the coals.

You shouldn't be with your gf if you can't trust her not to hit on any woman in proximity. Which is what you are implying.

Show quote history

I'm sorry, but it has fuck all to do with anyone's sexual orientation.

Either the OP is worried that her partner will be sexually assaulted, or she is worried her partner will cheat. Right? Those are the things we are discussing.

People who commit sexual assault may be gay or straight. Statistically, it is more likely that a man will assault a woman, and I totally get that many women might not like to share a room with a man - and it would be the woman's choice. Not her partner's choice.

People who cheat may be gay or straight.

Gay people are not magically attracted to every single individual of the same sex, just as straight people are not all attracted to every individual of the opposite sex. It is pure paranoia to jump from 'these two people will be in the same room overnight' to 'OMG they might have sex!' Unless the OP has a truly massive backstory here, she is out of line.

PickAChew · 19/10/2024 23:03

Following the thread of your mistrust, do you not "allow" your partner to have friends?

Noseybookworm · 19/10/2024 23:06

Either you trust your girlfriend or you don't, it sounds like you don't 🤷‍♀️

Righteouspuppy · 19/10/2024 23:07

No you’re being weird. Having said that I wouldn’t know of any company that would make employees share a room anymore. It’s really not acceptable

puppyparent · 19/10/2024 23:09

I know this is missing the point slightly, but requiring colleagues to share bedrooms is pretty shitty. And with the boss??

ShowerOfShites · 19/10/2024 23:13

So you don't 'allow' her to sleep over at any of her female friend's houses?

Iamwhoiamwhoareyou · 19/10/2024 23:17

I'd absolutely HATE the idea of this if it was my partner. i can't think of a resolution, but forced room sharing shouldn't be a company thing, they wouldn't make a man and a woman share and a gay woman is the same deal. You have the right to feel how you do!

BubbleGumSplit · 19/10/2024 23:17

puppyparent · 19/10/2024 23:09

I know this is missing the point slightly, but requiring colleagues to share bedrooms is pretty shitty. And with the boss??

I agree. This is very weird. What industry is she working in where this is normal?

OakleyAnnie · 19/10/2024 23:23

Icanttakethisanymore · 19/10/2024 22:19

Hard to say because I’m not gay and I think it is different to sharing a room with a person of the opposite sex. Are you typically jealous in relationships?

edit to add, sorry I quoted, I know that’s a bit of a MN etiquette disaster 😬

Edited
Show quote history

Ah don’t worry, because you’ve also asked the mumsnet favourite question ’ are you typically blah blah blah’ to make the OP feel really bad about her perfectly reasonable question.

saraclara · 19/10/2024 23:51

iminsecurez · 19/10/2024 22:36

If I had a boyfriend and it was him sharing with a female colleague...people would understand but because it's a woman people think it should be okay.

So the boss is gay too? Because that's the only way that your example of a straight woman sharing with a straight man would work as an equivalence

GarrynotsoGorilla · 20/10/2024 03:08

Can't say i have read all the responses here. However i feel that it is incredibly insensitive of the employer to expect this and surely is in contravention of a number of DEI rules. It completely fails to recognise same sex relationships. If it was a married male and female being expected to share there would be understandable complete uproar. Just because someone of the
same sex doesn't meN they are the same sexuality. The company have got this very wrong

That alm said there is a question you raise about the trust in your partner here, and i think that raises a bigger issue. If you truly trusted your partner would this still be a concern? Or at least would you express it the way that you have?

offyoujollywelltrot · 20/10/2024 03:10

Oh for god's sake. Get a grip and stop being so bloody controlling.

Monty27 · 20/10/2024 03:19

@iminsecurez ýou don't seem to trust your gf very much. Any reason or is it just you?
I'd never share a room with a colleague male or female

CheekyHobson · 20/10/2024 03:23

Wow, bi people are really fucked in this situation, aren’t we?

It’s amazing how we go through life not screwing every single person we are left alone in a room with.

Guavafish1 · 20/10/2024 03:24

Your being over the top and controlling

if you don’t like it… why don’t you pay for another single room

Quitelikeit · 20/10/2024 03:33

Does her boss like women?

If so then I can sort of understand your jealousy but if she’s straight then I think you are being truly ridiculous

CheekyHobson · 20/10/2024 04:03

OP, if you don’t believe that your partner is capable of spending a night in a room with another woman without some kind of attraction or sexual interaction happening, your relationship clearly doesn’t feel secure to you. Why is that?

Although I wouldn’t be jazzed about having to share a room with a colleague, I wouldn’t really give a thought to whether it would be a compromising situation as I have no interest in cheating on my partner.

Likewise I would trust my partner to share a room with a colleague (or one of his female friends) without being worried about whether he was going to cheat on me. If he wanted to do that, he could do it any time, really.

Delphiniumandlupins · 20/10/2024 04:18

I think it is strange the company is insisting everybody has to share a room although it will be cheaper. It sounds really rubbish for someone who has only worked there for a few weeks.

It's not up to anybody's partner to allow or otherwise. Perhaps if your GF is unhappy she should speak to HR but presumably she is comfortable around women in changing rooms etc. Should people only share rooms with someone they are incapable of being sexually attracted to or attracting? GF then needs a gay man roommate and bi people are definitely getting single rooms (celibate are in a dormitory to balance the cost).

autienotnaughty · 20/10/2024 05:16

Is the boss also gay?

I get the point, if she was a man sharing with his female boss it would be seen as a big problem

Icanttakethisanymore · 20/10/2024 05:33

OakleyAnnie · 19/10/2024 23:23

Ah don’t worry, because you’ve also asked the mumsnet favourite question ’ are you typically blah blah blah’ to make the OP feel really bad about her perfectly reasonable question.

Show quote history

It was a genuine question actually (because I think it does help to understand if the problem is the situation, or if the OP is likely to be jealous anyway). She’s also since said she is quite jealous in relationships.

LoudSnoringDog · 20/10/2024 05:49

You are being ridiculous

Angela59 · 20/10/2024 05:55

Maybe pay for a room for her ?