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Original poster

Message on DP’s phone

62 replies

ChickenWine · 19/10/2024 01:49

DP has form for cheating- we broke up and are now back together. Maybe I shouldn’t have forgiven him, but I love him and he has put a lot of effort into making our relationship work. I use his phone, we share locations etc.

Last week, I was using DP’s phone when a message appeared from an unknown number ‘good afternoon! We’ve finished our shopping for the day and have booked for the tourist attraction in Italy tomorrow. How is your day looking?’
DP is Italian, so the mention of Italy seems coincidental.
i replied saying ‘who is this?’ And the person said ‘sorry, wrong number’. I tried to call and they didn’t answer.
DP is insistent this text was not meant for him and he doesn’t know who it is. 2 months ago he worked away for a few days and I had a bad feeling about it then- I had a thought he was with someone there.
Am I being paranoid? I don’t know how to cope

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 19/10/2024 01:53

No I don’t think you are being paranoid

Can you ask a friend to call the number?

have you put it in google?

Danioyellow · 19/10/2024 01:58

Dp has form for cheating, I have form for forgiving him. He’s cheated again, what should I do?
What do you want us to say? The reality is leave him or accept the constant cheating

ThatsNotMyTeen · 19/10/2024 01:58

I doubt you are being paranoid and I think you know it too

amiold · 19/10/2024 03:41

Have you checked his phone bill?

tolerable · 19/10/2024 05:00

babe,hes blew it-you dont trust him.
that isnt patch up able(italian for its fukt)sorry.rekon you know this.xxxxxx

Prettydisgustedactually · 19/10/2024 05:13

I don’t understand why you’d be using his phone. Surely you have your own phone? Would he be that dim, knowing you use his phone? Weird they didn’t reply though, but I guess if it was a mistake they’d already messaged ‘wrong number’ and if it was a woman she may have been concerned you were some weird guy.
hard to say, but this is the issue with cheaters. You can never trust them. Not a way to live!!

GreyCarpet · 19/10/2024 05:33

Danioyellow · 19/10/2024 01:58

Dp has form for cheating, I have form for forgiving him. He’s cheated again, what should I do?
What do you want us to say? The reality is leave him or accept the constant cheating

Well it's this really, isn't it?

No one here can tell you whether it was a genuine wrong number or someone he has hooked up with.

But you don't trust him because he has a history of cheating. It's always going to be like this.

UKMARRIEDCPL53 · 19/10/2024 05:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

baytreelane23 · 19/10/2024 05:49

You need to get smarter if you stay with a cheater. If this was ow and knows about you then you blew it the minute you replied who is this- it's clear it wasn't him. Next time (as I feel there will be) reply as him and you will get more info. Example..' sounds great. My day is going okay, a bit boring. What are you up to now/ got planned for later?'....

You should have also saved the number and check the WhatsApp photo attached.

Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 19/10/2024 05:58

Whether this is a wrong number or something else, the main issue I see is the lack of trust. I think that this man has ruined any trust you had in him a long time ago with his cheating. A relationship won't work without trust.

This whole thing could be perfectly innocent...it could be a wrong number. It is due to his past actions that you and others (including me!) suspect otherwise. Only you have to carry suspicion - wondering where he is/what he's doing - daily though. Innocent or not, is he really worth it? Personally, I couldn't be with somebody who I didn't fully trust. It's too mentally draining.

I hope that you find out what that message is, but that message isn't really the problem as far as I can see - he is. Him and his cheating tendancies. I'm sorry that he is causing you to distrust him and I am even sorrier that you are very probably right in distrusting him. All the best.🌸

changedlife · 19/10/2024 06:02

I don't actually agree with most posters. I think it was a wrong number. Unless your partner is really really lacking in the brain department. He surely wouldn't give a ow his phone number when you routinely use it. Perhaps he is that dim witted - reason enough to look for someone with at least 2 brain cells..

However the issue really isn't this is it ? How much of your time is spent in emotional turmoil, wondering what he is doing and with who ? No one needs that level of anxiety in their life. An anxiety that will never end. Because you don't trust him.

Heavier · 19/10/2024 06:36

With numbers stored in a phone I don’t really see how you can text a wrong number. I mean it could be someone he knows but they didn’t mean to send the message to him but then they’d own up if it was innocent. Who sends that sort of text and manually types the number in?

Fridaysgirl17 · 19/10/2024 06:40

Obviously the trust is already gone so even when something like this happens (& honestly to me this just seems like a wrong number situation,you don't even know the person messaging was a woman) you are automatically going to think the worst which is no way to live I've been there & tried to make it work as we had a child & I was already expecting baby 2, I shouldn't have stayed as i was miserable , 3 years on after kicking him out (after trying for months) & im so much happier, my life as a single mom is not a walk in the park & he's so hard to co parent with but my kids are happy & healthy with a mom who is so much happier

whatsappdoc · 19/10/2024 06:41

As a stand alone I wouldn't give it a second thought but knowing his history and the Italian connection I can see your concern.
This message sounds weird though. If it was actually as you have written it I would assume it's just generated text. Do lovers say Good Afternoon? No kisses?
I can understand why you don't trust him and whether you will ever get past this is something that needs a lot of consideration.

Changeyourfuckingcar · 19/10/2024 06:47

I don’t believe for a second it was a wrong number and nor do you, deep down. It’s pretty impossible to text a wrong number these days particularly when it’s clear that’s the middle of a conversation (albeit probably one with gaps, but an ongoing chat nonetheless). You know he’s a liar and a cheat and he’s lying and cheating now. This is no way to live.

Original poster
ChickenWine · 19/10/2024 06:53

Thank you all for the replies- it’s so hard.
I know it’s his past which makes me distrust him and feel as though there is something wrong. We have a great life together otherwise- a huge circle of mutual friends, our families get along etc.

The message was odd, it seemed to be a mid conversation message but the ‘good afternoon!’ Is how I would address my boss!
I wouldn’t say that to a friend, relative or lover to open a message.

The Italian connection has really got to me- it just seems too coincidental. I would like to sync iMessages to both of our phones, is that possible?
I’ve checked the number on WhatsApp and there isn’t a profile picture or name. Google doesn’t return anything either.
how can I find out more? He is outright denying it and you’re all correct, he will now improve his skills in hiding it

OP posts:
Changeyourfuckingcar · 19/10/2024 06:58

I actually read it as ‘[we have had a] good afternoon!’ as they go on to talk about what they’ve done, but perhaps I’m seeing it wrong!
Is this honestly how you want to live your life? Your family getting on with his certainly wouldn’t be reason enough for me.

Original poster
ChickenWine · 19/10/2024 07:01

No, the message is ‘Good afternoon! We’ve finished our shopping for the day and have booked for X attraction tomorrow. How is your day looking?’

I have no idea who the ‘we’ are- at the time the text was received, DP and I were at home
together and had been all morning so he isn’t in the ‘we’.

OP posts:
Hazeby · 19/10/2024 07:02

Oh my god woman, just get out. Why are you wasting time checking messages and figuring out ways to catch him out?

Daisys24 · 19/10/2024 07:06

I wouldn’t say you can really text mid conversation and it be a wrong number. You save numbers in your phone. To go forward you need to see his itemised phone bill. If he says no then you know it’s over. If he’s got nothing to hide you’ll be able to see it. Check it though as my ex let me see it but I did find numbers on there.

Changeyourfuckingcar · 19/10/2024 07:07

ChickenWine · 19/10/2024 07:01

No, the message is ‘Good afternoon! We’ve finished our shopping for the day and have booked for X attraction tomorrow. How is your day looking?’

I have no idea who the ‘we’ are- at the time the text was received, DP and I were at home
together and had been all morning so he isn’t in the ‘we’.

Yes, I know, I read your op, I mean, to me, it comes across as ‘good afternoon’ is used in the context of ‘we’ve had a good afternoon’ rather than a greeting.

Tiswa · 19/10/2024 07:11

Actually the other option is that it could be a scam message (the exclamation after Good Afternoon for example) and the way it is written makes it look like it could be - did you see any messages before or after it

that said your reaction either way says you don’t trust him

ttcat37 · 19/10/2024 07:20

Wanting to sync iMessage is not ok OP. You will never be happy. Even if he’s cleaned up his act, the lack of trust and this level of checking up on him is very intrusive. I understand a short transition period where you need additional reassurance but this is no way to have a relationship. You need to urgently have couples counselling or address the lack of trust. You chose to continue the relationship, you need to let the past go or leave. FWIW, the message seems completely random to me. No affection or flirting etc

Original poster
ChickenWine · 19/10/2024 07:20

No other messages before or after- he swears there isn’t anyone else at the moment. DP was previously in love with a girls when he was a teenager and he has never really got over her- she has very much moved on and lives in a different continent. Then he met me and he says he loves me (I believe him) but I know he isn’t ‘in love’ with me like he was previously. The ‘other women’ I don’t believe he has loved- they’re an escape and he enjoys the attention.

We share phones 1) because I ultimately am always worried he will meet someone else 2) a lot of our WhatsApp’s are family group chats where we message the same people
anyway
Sorry, this is circular. I don’t have anybody in real life who I can talk to- I am ashamed to tell friends this has happened again.

OP posts:
2Old2Tango · 19/10/2024 07:21

If this person was someone he was messaging with, would he not have their number saved in his contacts, rather than as a random number he'd have to look up each time?

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