Message on DP’s phone

[ChickenWine]

DP has form for cheating- we broke up and are now back together. Maybe I shouldn’t have forgiven him, but I love him and he has put a lot of effort into making our relationship work. I use his phone, we share locations etc.

Last week, I was using DP’s phone when a message appeared from an unknown number ‘good afternoon! We’ve finished our shopping for the day and have booked for the tourist attraction in Italy tomorrow. How is your day looking?’
DP is Italian, so the mention of Italy seems coincidental.
i replied saying ‘who is this?’ And the person said ‘sorry, wrong number’. I tried to call and they didn’t answer.
DP is insistent this text was not meant for him and he doesn’t know who it is. 2 months ago he worked away for a few days and I had a bad feeling about it then- I had a thought he was with someone there.
Am I being paranoid? I don’t know how to cope

@ChickenWine if there were no other messages then that is pretty much a scam message designed to get you to reply - it’s phishing at its best - the punctuation of ! and the ? And the sentences really do say that to me

but it really doesn’t matter this is no way to live this message is a Schrödinger message to you - the actual truth doesnt matter if it is another woman or a scam because your reaction and the level of trust in this relationship is no way for either of you to live

Forget what's happened with this message because it's irrelevant.

Stick to the facts

He has cheated before
He doesn't respect you
You do not trust him (with good reason)

You need to do some soul searching here. Why do you love a man that treats you this way?
You want to trust him but you just know he is lying.
Get out now and save yourself.

I had a bf like this, he was super hot, Intelligent etc but he did cheat, was totally untrustworthy but would always lie and I was never sure if I was going crazy or not. I went so far as finding his sat nav in his bag and searching recent trips. Sure enough he had been on his way to his ex gf house when his engine blew up and he called me for help! Phone numbers written on paper money etc I went through hell but nothing concrete so I stayed. And he cheated...

If you know, you just know.

Honestly OP you need to be brave here. It’s a fucker as you are being held back by the great life, families etc but this is going to WRECK YOUR LIFE and you are going to wake up one day and just be so bitterly angry with yourself that you got into this.

The die is cast now - he’s cheated and you’ve taken him back. More than once by the sound of it. So this is it - he may be charming and enjoy your life together but at the end of the day, l you’re the shit on his shoe. You’ve shown him that you will lie down and be disrespected, so that’s that for a selfish man - he just thinks, aha. Great. I can have it all!

He won’t stop if you have children. He won’t stop for ‘love’ because this IS his love. You know that he’ll put himself first and that will go right up to the point he leaves you and the kids because he finally ends up in the bed of someone who won’t be second, or at the point where your relationship is much older, and much less ‘exciting’.

You are basically on a one-way road to completely fucking up your life. You need to dump him before this goes any further, and be free to meet someone who isn’t a snake.

And this is what my ex did too!

Leave op. In fact....run!

Break it off, get in touch with your friends and family and start making fun plans!

Read the first five words of your post. Re-read. And read again.

You are worth MORE than this.

You're getting yourself into bits for a man you can't trust, a man who treats you like absolute garbage. That is what a cheater is. Take back your forgiveness, take control and don't settle for anyone who doesn't dote on you and stay loyal to you.

My Spanish DIL uses an exclamation mark after Good Morning.

"It seems a lot of hassle to me type a number each time on his part! I have no idea of the lengths people go to in these situations"

Jesus Christ. These situations never fail to amaze me. He willingly sticks his nob in vaginas that aren't yours, and you allow him to do it without fear of reprimand..... and are shocked when he still carries on doing it on the sly? And you think he won't type out a phone number to avoid you finding out? Like what.... typing ten digits is a step too far? But not shagging around like some sad stereotypical Italian Romeo? Honestly I feel really sorry for you. It's such a shame you can't see that you are worth more than this. You are worth more than the constant vigilance and suspicion because every person in this thread knows he's at it apart from you who is living in la la land imagining you have a great life with this dirty dick loser.

It sounds like it could be the start of an investment/romance scam although usually there will be a follow up message pretty soon of the oh I accidentally got the wrong number but do you want to chat/here is a picture of me type.

He doesn’t need to write it down surely? He deletes as soon as he’s replied. Then waits for the next one to arrive replies and deletes again?

How often have you had a mistake text from someone you don’t know?
I would say it’s very rare.

Agree with PP. If you want to stay with this cheater, you’ll need to get cleverer. Learn how to look for deleted messages. Don’t text back ‘who’s this?’. Keep your powder dry for longer. Etc.

Buy why bother? Just move on.

I know you don’t trust him (understandably) but to have his messages synched to yours is really incredibly controlling.

Ask him to log on to his phone bill

I’ve just looked at mine and it’s not itemised. I didn’t think they produced them like that anymore? It might be different on other networks.