Message on DP’s phone

[ChickenWine]

DP has form for cheating- we broke up and are now back together. Maybe I shouldn’t have forgiven him, but I love him and he has put a lot of effort into making our relationship work. I use his phone, we share locations etc.

Last week, I was using DP’s phone when a message appeared from an unknown number ‘good afternoon! We’ve finished our shopping for the day and have booked for the tourist attraction in Italy tomorrow. How is your day looking?’
DP is Italian, so the mention of Italy seems coincidental.
i replied saying ‘who is this?’ And the person said ‘sorry, wrong number’. I tried to call and they didn’t answer.
DP is insistent this text was not meant for him and he doesn’t know who it is. 2 months ago he worked away for a few days and I had a bad feeling about it then- I had a thought he was with someone there.
Am I being paranoid? I don’t know how to cope

Im not even sure whether it is possible to sync iMessages? I know it’s possible to sync across devices but I’m not sure if it is between two different phones.

It seems a lot of hassle to me type a number each time on his part! I have no idea of the lengths people go to in these situations. I suppose he could have memorised it or written it down somewhere.

There’s no point synching phones. Even if you did, he’d just get a spare phone for his cheating.

You don’t need the same phone for whatsapp. Just set up group chats

This sounds like an utterly miserable and depressing existence..do you honestly want to live your life like this op?? Syncing imessages for God's sake. Get out and leave.

This conversation is now becoming all about the different ways in which he could cheat and also the ways in which he could maybe be caught cheating...BUT essentially, nobody is suggesting this man at all trustworthy. Nobody is saying: "Wrong number - don't stress it - all will be grand in life" because of his past actions. The trust has gone. It's as dead as a doornail. That is the issue with this relationship and it doesn't really matter if he is innocent because the damage has already been done. It's "broken". 😞💐

I'd get a burner phone and message the number saying... it's x, new temporary number. Don't text my other one and see what happens

This . You chose this. What can anyone say?

Yes, this. Is he worth this much misery? He's not in love with you, is hankering after someone from his past, had loads of affairs by the sounds of it and you have a bad feeling everytime he's away. How much headspace is this taking up from you? He's become the focal point in your life. Your life has shrunk to this odious man and what he may or may not be upto

What if you lavished all that tlme and attention on yourself, your career, your goals?

Ugh OP, don’t accept this paltry second best ‘not in love with you’ crap. He’s a cheater and he will cheat again, and this text means he probably is cheating again right now.

Oh dear, op, he's made you feel like second-best from the start with this cretinous shite about never getting over his first love. You've been on the backfoot from the beginning.

That sort of bullshit is just a form of negging.

You deserved better then, you deserve better now.

If he’s cheated once I would be cautious but might and that’s a huge “might” forgive if there were extenuating circumstances and we had kids.

.but it seems your partner has cheated multiple times as you use the term “women”. If that’s the case, you have to dump him as you’re just giving him permission to walk all over you and do what he wants. Including, potentially putting you at risk of STIs.

Have self-worth and get rid of him. You can’t live your life wondering about messages and if he’s cheating.

in and of itself, that text message is fairly innocuous. But the background to your relationship is making you question it and you can’t live your life like that. You’re work so much more.

Is he worth all this worry? You say he’s not in love with you, don’t you want more than that? Every time he gets a random text you are going to be all stressed out, rinse and repeat.

Possibly a scam? There is so many of these at the moment, I had one yesterday when DP and I were sat together. It was so ‘chatty’ you’d think I was part of a conversation but was factually impossible so that’s how I knew it was a scam.

Paste the number into Facebook and see if it returns a profile.

I have a female Spanish friend who I've known for decades and she speaks fluent English but she prefixes text with 'Good morning/afternoon/evening.

It looks like a formal greeting but she's the friendliest woman imaginable.

Whether you sync your phones, put a tracker in his shoes or follow him everywhere, if he wants to cheat, he will.
If your best friend was in this situation, what would you tell her!?!?!?!? I doubt you'd tell her to stay with the man...
Do you want to live your life constantly on edge and paranoid he's with another woman.
The fact you said you don't think he ever got over his teenage love and isn't "in love" with you would be enough for me (if I were you) to simply not bother anyway.
Don't be second best, don't be an option.
Gather your self respect and self love and just get out of there. I know it's hard and you'll be heartbroken, but it seems to me this relationship is unhealthy and causing you distress. Sorry you are in this situation.

If you go to his message (iMessage, not WhatsApp) the at the top left it says edit click that then it will say show recently deleted. And all deleted messages are there. They delete themselves from that folder after 30 days xx

You are putting all this effort and energy into detective work.
This message might well be innocent, but he himself is not trust worthy.

Do you really want to live like this. Second guessing everything and talk of syncing phones. Jesus!

We share phones 1) because I ultimately am always worried he will meet someone else

Ah @ChickenWine this is no way to live. You would be better off ending the relationship, you will never be able to relax. I say this from experience of staying with a cheater. I eventually dumped him, but I should have done so the very minute he first cheated on me.

The message is nonsense, it's either a scam or a wrong number so don't get yourself tied up in knots over it. The mere fact you are doing so though is why you need to end this relationship:

@category12 has it nailed OP.

Your low self-esteem is clear in your posts, he spotted that & set you (& your family by the sounds of it) up as his useful/comfortable person for now (until someone else comes along to provide an exciting affair or something more long term.)

Raise your bar. Stop wasting your energy on a man who is using you in the most appalling way. Put that energy into yourself. Make your life better, for you.

This is why I wasn't able to continue a relationship in the past after I was cheated on. It wasn't about forgiveness, more that I knew I couldn't trust him and that meant it wasn't possible to be properly happy. It sounds like perhaps you're in a similar situation. It doesn't even matter whether he is or is not up to no good, the important thing is that the trust is clearly gone.

This.

Men only learn by actions I fear. If he cheats and you’ve stayed, well it’s taught him that he can cheat again because you’ll stay.

It sounds dodgy to me this message, but it’s also evident that there’s no trust…

Absolutely this. You’ve set a precedent that he can cheat and you’ll forgive him so the cycle will continue until you say ‘enough’ and leave his cheating lying arse.