To message complete stranger or not to message… that is literally the question!

[BloodyWolves]

I’ll try and keep this short… basically I want to know whether this is a weird thing to do or not!

So I got a very strange message of a random account on Facebook a few months ago. I don’t want to go into details on this because it’s very outing to anyone who knows me… long story short this account tried adding a lot of people I either knew or had mutual friends with. All except one person, a man who is seemingly completely unconnected to me in anyway.

As insane as this sounds I couldn’t get this guy out of my head. From his pictures I thought he was gorgeous and impulse got the better of me and I added him. I’m not normally one for adding complete strangers may I add! Anyway, he accepted and a few days later I sent him a message totally expecting to be ignored.

To my extreme surprise he replied! He seemed to think I was AI generated at first and possibly attempting to scam him but after we got passed that we had a nice conversation and then nerves got the better of me and I didn’t reply again. I started to worry that he was only replying out of politeness and I felt guilty, like I had ambushed him and he was too nice to ignore me.

I regret this though! I really would have liked to get to know him. It’s been 8 weeks and I can’t get this niggle out of my head! We are still friends on Facebook and he does view my stories. Not that it’s anything to go by really. Anyway, I’m hoping I can get some opinions on whether it would be completely weird to finally reply apologising for the disappearance/delay. Explain that I worried I’d ambushed him and panicked that he was only replying out of politeness and offer my number only if he’s genuinely interested and that there’s no hard feelings if he isn’t.

Am I being crazy?!

Please go outside.

Uhhh… I do go outside a fair amount actually!

It's probably not a picture of him.
Sounds like rhe beginning of a classic scam.

It's a well known romance scam, block and delete.

I’m not quite following who he is but it sounds like a scam.

I’ve not explained this very well and I’m not sure I can explain it without including the outing details! Never mind! 🤦‍♀️

I don't fully get the first bit with the random account but if he's local and looks like a real account plus single, no harm in asking him for a drink (be extra safe). Don't offer your number or waste any time chatting as it could be an online scam.

Be very careful - it's almost certainly a scammer. They use photos taken from people's profiles, usually male models. Can you do a reverse image search? Watch Love Rats on Netflix, these scammers are very very clever and plausible!

I presume if the OP added and messaged him, it’s probably not a scam (unless she’s scamming him?!h

Sorry OP. But if it’s not a scammer it’s likely to be a catfish.

Adding all except one guy who is seemingly unconnected…. yikes! Sounds like it’s either that guy, or his wife/girlfriend trying to figure out if he’s cheating and who with.

Why are you inviting so much drama into your life when there are plenty of dating sites these days?

Nope.

You don’t know him, he doesn’t know anyone you know, you’ll never have to actually see him otherwise, so if he’s local just go for it and say you enjoyed the chat and would he like to go for a drink. If he says no or ignores you then you’re only in exactly the same position as you currently are. Just do it quickly and don’t get involved in a load of pointless online messaging and Facebook liking and convincing yourself you’ve loads in common when you’re strangers.

No, you are asking for trouble.

I think you're being crazy because the photo won't be him and he's probably a 35 stone 75 year old living in Arizona

However, prove me wrong. Ask him for a coffee in a public place local to you

Don't give him your phone number, address or place of work yet

He’s not a scammer but I do appreciate the concern! I’ve explained this terribly! I wish I could explain it better but I don’t know how to without it being outing.

He’s a real person who according to Facebook is single. He is not the type of person whose pictures would be used to scam someone… far from the silver fox, widowed marine usually used for those purposes. Just an average looking guy who just happens to be exactly my type.

I’m veering towards the worst that can happen is he ignores me/ says no and I’m in no worse position than now so why not… he’s local enough to meet for a coffee with no great issue but not so local that I’m likely to bump into him. I’m not worried in the slightest of being scammed but I can’t deny I’d rather not be rejected!

Also I have to add, when I reached out to him he was far more concerned he was the one being scammed. It took a good few messages to convince him I was a genuine person and even then he was a little wary/bemused!

Yes, you're being crazy.

But if he's local, but not so local you'll bump into him all the time, ask him out for coffee and try to turn it into something real life.

If he says no, well, that's disappointing, but you'll live.
If he fudges it, don't get into online chatting, take it as a no and that's disappointing, but you'll live.
If he says yes, then great, go find out.

If I were a scammer I'd think this was an excellent way to make someone think I wasn't a scammer.

Textbook.

I think you'll regret it if you don't contact him again. It's like scratching an itch - it won't go away until you do something about it. Ask to meet up with him somewhere public, and tell a friend where you're going.

I'm confused. He tried to add you? Or another person tried to add you that you didn't know, and you looked all the other people that person had added and came across this guy who you then randomly.messaged?

@Wibblywobblybobbly The second one in a nutshell! He was the only person on the strange account I didn’t recognise.

So, I'm going quite a bit against the grain here but I say go for it. I say this because 14 years ago, I was sat at my computer and was browsing Facebook and the 'people you may know' section. I was scrolling through and one guy caught my eye. I didn't know him but for some reason I kept scrolling past him and then back again. A little niggle much like yours told me to add him, so I did. He is now the father of my 2 children and we are just about to celebrate 13 years together. It happens!! Good luck.

So whose was the strange account? How is that relevant or connected?

He’s a real person who according to Facebook is single

How do you know he's a real person?

I'd suggest meeting up, obviously not down a dark alley at midnight.

Agreed.

Block and move on.