Exactly, people often focus on true love like it is only a sacrificial thing, like you forfeit the desire to shag a load of other people out of some kind of dutiful obligation. The deepest love is more than dutiful obligation, you literally wouldn’t want to do anything like that, you are totally invested in the person you love, you want THEM. This is why it’s important to understand a partners definition of love. I was with a man who said he was so crazy about me, had never felt that way blah blah blah, and I felt all that for him. But, I only wanted him, I only had eyes for him and nothing would have compelled me to look outside of what we shared, in fact it would have sickened me. Not so for him, he considered commitment to mean he was essentially giving up his true desires which would have been to shag a load of other women. Some are happy to settle for someone that thinks that way, I’m not.
so your husband is likely one of those, and he has stumbled and fallen and given in to his true desires. Whether he “loved” her too or was just shagging her, we don’t know, perhaps you know more OP? But his definition of love is not a love worth having anyway, he’s better left to be with someone whose definition of love matches his own, both struggling with their desires for others and out of dutiful obligation trying not to give in to those desires. I don’t buy that definition of love, for me, anyone who feels that way, just hasn’t met that one person yet that would be all consuming for them.
If your husband was shagging her and shagging you, and likely saying he loves you and saying he loves her, then his definition of love likely doesn’t match yours, and so your question “could he still love me”, is essentially meaningless. The only thing that matters is this. Is his love worth having? Is it the highest form of love, does it define how you want to be thought of, desired and loved? If not, then no, he doesn’t love you with the definition of love that is meaningful to you.
was it love when he was shagging her, holding her and saying thing to her that implied he felt all for her? Was that loving you? As someone said, these men usually work off a script and he will have made your relationship out to be boring, not sexual, like you had separate lives and like you were just together for practical reasons, and the fact is, that most of that is the truth. But now he has lost the security of that, it means more to him, he likely has a lot to lose here, not your romantic love, but the practical things that are tied to that. While he was having his cake and eating it, I can guarantee that’s when he was at his most content, once you take him back, he will think of her and what could have been. If he’s just a player doing this with multiple women, he will miss the buzz of cheating and having his cake and eating it. The remorse these guys feel is because they lost their home life and the practical things that come with that, and wish things could be like they were pre discovery. That generally the case. If he generally is remorseful and only wants you- well who wants to be with a guy that had everything he ever wanted but still went and screwed someone else, that shows that he has compulsions he has no control over and it would happen again. Most of these guys lie to the affair partner and then lie to the wife when they are discovered. They are very good at lying which is why they could do this in the first place- a lack of conscience, integrity and moral values.