Too sensitive or are these red flags

[Gymbunny89]

I'm just looking for advice. I am having trouble in my relationship and when I've tried to bring up how he has treated me, he turns things round to what I have done wrong or justifies the behaviour because of whatever I have done. I've wrote down some examples to try and gain clarity of the situation but wondering if I'm just being too sensitive. These things have all been over the last 2 years.

• driving my car aggressively after I told him not to get out the car and start shouting at another driver who pulled out on him. Told me not to speak to him that way/ tell him what to do
• telling me that I'm crazy and don't live in reality when I bring up things that have upset me
• frustrated at me for how I train the puppy and asking if I had something wrong with me because I couldn't walk her the way he told me to
• saying if I didn't do stupid things all the time then he wouldn't have to correct me
• we have split finances but comments on how I spend money ie. if you think you are buying a new car next year we need to have serious words, telling me I won't be going on holiday with family.
• Guilting me into having sex by giving me silent treatment when I say no even when ill
• not wishing me happy birthday
• shouting at me at a restaurant to sit up and eat properly
• punched a wall on 2 different occasions when we were arguing but blamed on me for how I spoke to him

I don't know if these all just sound like petty arguments but I feel he's not really treating me like his partner and like he is speaking to a child. We still have good times but any time he speaks to me poorly it just reminds me of all these incidents and I can't seem to let go but I don't know what to do

None of this is petty, they are all red flags. Run for the hills.

Not one of those red flags is petty. In combination they are frankly terrifying. Please, please, end this relationship and do it carefully, with support from friends and family if you can. He's dangerous and men like this tend to become even more dangerous when you start to pull away. Have you got support IRL to help you get away from him safely?

I think you know in your heart this isn’t right. I think you need to get away from this man asap and take the puppy with you.

He sounds like an utter bastard. You deserve better.

These are more than red flags. Leave him

Yes at least I have family who I can stay with who are aware of most of these incidents

I am so sorry to hear this.
If you love yourself first, you will be able to walk away from this which by all means is not love.

You do not deserve to be treated this way.
No!

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Are you married? Do you have children together?

You are not being too sensitive ! He is controlling and these are not petty arguments . He is not treating you like a partner or a child come to that ,he is treating you like a lesser being get rid of him you can do better x

Please leave him. This is abusive and absolutely unacceptable. People who love someone don't correct and belittle them, talk down to them and guilt them into sex while refusing emotional warmth and comfort.
You deserve so much better. I hope you can get out, or kick him out?

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Leave him before it gets worse

RUN!!

really sorry you are going through this op. 💐

I would recommend reading why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft. It will help give you insight into abusive behaviours and unhealthy dynamics in relationships.

Those aren't Red Flags (meaning behaviour that act as warnings of the potential for abuse in the future) - they're active Domestic Abuse.

You are already being abused - mentally, emotionally, financially, sexually and physically (the dangerous driving and punching the wall).

Go and go now.

Run run. Next time it won't be the wall he puches but your face.

Sexual coercion ( the silent treatment when you say not) is a type of rape

Come on OP he’s a nasty bully. Get out now, if you aren’t married, pls don’t do it! All the things you have described are controlling and bullying behaviours and he will just get worse. He’s punching walls now, but it could be you in the future. I can tell he has worn down your confidence but pls don’t believe him when he says you are stupid or useless!! You aren’t!!! You sound lovely and can do loads better. A normal and lovely partner would be supportive and say kind words and give you reassurance, not this. Please try and make a plan to leave. He won’t make it easy though, you need family/friends to look out for you. Good luck

Run away and take the puppy with you.

as a benchmark, if my dp did or said one of those things to me, he’d be gone.

Did you grow up in a family where this behaviour was normal?

I'd also like to know if you'd tolerate these behaviours from a friend, and what you would think if your friend told you she was going through this?

I think you're in bad territory because you are in a situation where you are doubting yourself, not trusting what you know and feel are loving vs nasty behaviours. It's like you're in a fog and he's muddled you up.

Yikes. Glad you're thinking of leaving. Talk about walking on eggshells.

Op this isn't just red flags this is abuse.

"punched a wall on 2 different occasions when we were arguing but blamed on me for how I spoke to him"

Punching a wall and being physically intimidating around you is assault even if he doesn't actually touch you.

The other examples are clear emotional abuse and gaslighting. Coercion into sex is as others have said a form of sexual assault.

Leave him tonight. Get yourself counselling to unpack why you are questioning any of this as maybe being normal. Take the puppy with you if you can or give to a friend to look after. This guy is dangerous.

You can get help from womens aid. Please don't wait until he physically hurts you.

Emotional abuse, and coercive control 💐

Usually, when someone asks if they are being too sensitive , it is because they are being gaslit and questioning their own reality .
OP please leave ,trust your inner gut feeling.
He is seriously abusive.

Yes I agree with a previous poster these are not red flags but deal breakers

CrikeyOP he sounds dangerous. The fact that you can't see this shows he's done a number on your psyche. I think the term for it is spaghetti head - as in your thoughts feel all tangled.

I'm glad you're considering staying elsewhere. Once you've done that you'll be able to see this for what it is. It's difficult to do that whilst in the grip of an abuser.

Yes I am definitely feeling messed up in the head from it all so it's really not great and he's been very good at twisting it all when I raise anything. Things have been better recently but I can't get over the past and worry it will go back to punching walls etc