Dipping with female friend

[Lollyp2]

Is it okay for my DH to go for a swim with his guy friend girlfriend?

My DH and his friend have known each other for a while.His friend has a girlfriend of 2 years now who has also grown close with my now DH.

We even have a what's app group together but my DH prefers to text them out of the group.

Recently I saw messages between my DH and OW ( His friends' GF) asking each other whether they are free to go for brunch, a swim on different days.
On some days the OW said she couldn't as her BF had just arrived home.

What do I make of this?

Deffo suss
I wouldn't like this one little bit
Very cosy of them not inviting you or her partner to their little outings

Does your bf’s friend know ? If not then this is massively dodgy. People who are friends would tell their partners what they are up to because there’s no ulterior motives.

I think you referring to her as "OW" is likely very appropriate.

I'm amazed you are even asking OP.
You say she has already " grown close " to your DH . And now they are making an arrangement to go on a date together to go swimming. Totally not OK for a married man.
You need to talk to him about this woman and the need for boundaries.

I go swimming with male friends, but we all do triathlons so it's training swims that we buddy up for, and partners etc would always be aware, or it certainly wouldn't be kept a secret.

It's the secrecy I'd have more problem with than the activity itself.

That sounds massively dodgy. She can't meet because her DP is home? If it was all out and friendly then why would that be a problem? Why wouldn't her DP go as well.... Yea because he didn't know that's why

I think "going for a swim" is code for something else. Suspicious.

I'm suspicious.
When I saw "dipping" I feared you meant "skinny-dipping". But hopefully not - but the whole thing is weird anyway. Most importantly, does the friend know, and what does HE think?

I had a shared hobby and also liked going to the pub with a male friend years ago. 100% platonic. When we both got partners (all mutual group of friends), we carried on but partner/s were always welcome to join us nd were often invited from the outset and nothing was ever secretive.

This doesn't sound like that.

I found it weired too that GF would say to him that her BF is home hence she wouldn't make it for a swim.

Why not invite him too?

Why does your h prefer to text them out of the WhatsApp group?

I think this sounds rum.

I am not someonw who thinks men and women can't be friends if they're in relationships. BUT, I do think that as a rule, making NEW male/female friends in a relationship is a bit tricky and, more importantly, there appears to be an element of secrecy here that is weird. I mean, I have a good friend who shares a particlar interest with DH so they often chat about it when we're all together, and have been known to text each other privately when news about their interest is out there and, in theory, they would absolutely go to something linked to this interest together but haven't because they aren't members of the same club. Similarly, her DH and I both love a good shoot/kill SCiFi movie while DH and friend are less keen so over the years him and I have gone to the odd movie together.... but it's never secret. It's more my friend saying to me, "Oh god yes, you guys go to that movie so I don't have to" or me laughing at DH and saying, "At least someone else cares abotu this obscure thing you do".

Swim is code for shag. Sorry.

It is the secrecy that is the worst part, and the can't go because the boyfriend has arrived home. Why do they need to hide it?

I do believe men and women can be friends however, sensible people would go above and beyond to show this is all above board, not secret messaging back and forth.

Are they definitely meeting up to swim? At this time of year? (assuming you're in the UK)

Depends on the context. if they are ultra-triathletes going for training swim - no issue they will be too obsessed with does wearing X swimming hat reduce their time by a microsecond. if they are skinny dipping in a secluded lake that's another thing.

Do you know from the messages if they have yet met up for a "swim"? If they have where did he tell you he was at that time? Is there a way for you to mention it to her boyfriend in a casual way to see if she is hiding this from him? I think you will have most of the answers if this is something your boyfriend is lying to you about and the woman is hiding from her bf.

This is what I was going to ask
Where did you think he was when he was actually with her on previous occasions?

Sorry - your husband, not boyfriend.

Yes my DH.Not BF.
I Prefer not to stir up anything but to calmy be observant for a couple more months to see if anymore texts or secrecies crop up.

My DH is such a people's person that sometimes I don't know where he draws lines.

I have my own boundaries which I have explained to him and wait to see whether he acknowledges them.

We are generally okay but someone once said trust your instincts.
This OW is someone who lingers in our lives alot and I am yet to establish if they are onto something.

What's 'dipping' then?

@BlastedPimples my DH prefers to text each of then separately as he works with his guy friend and they have other work stuff to chat about.
As for OW, don't know why he texts ger out of the group.

Should I leave the group?

For example right now the OW has just posted in a mutual friends group that there will be a raft race on Sunday and ofcourse my DH is the first one to love the post.
I can bet you nobody else will love it.
I'll keep you posted.

I don't think it so much the actual act of swimming that would bother me if both are keen swimmers who generally...well, swim!

I agree with those who mentioned the strange secrecy around this communication however. Why is this person being PMd by your DH when you have a perfectly functioning group chat?

It is possible that they share some swimming passion and, on one occasion, she couldn't go as her BF came home and she needed to go give him attention...I personally wouldn't believe a word of my "possible explanation" however as, if that were the case, YOU would know all about these "swimming" dates. You did not. I bet her BF doesn't either.

IS your husband a keen, athletic swimmer? If not, I would start to suspect that a code as previous posters suggested. All the best, 🌸

This 👆🏽

I'm sorry that your spidey senses are on alert, op.

It's like a kind of torture.

I hope you find some peace over this matter sooner rather than later.