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Original poster

Dipping with female friend

61 replies

Lollyp2 · 11/10/2024 11:32

Is it okay for my DH to go for a swim with his guy friend girlfriend?

My DH and his friend have known each other for a while.His friend has a girlfriend of 2 years now who has also grown close with my now DH.

We even have a what's app group together but my DH prefers to text them out of the group.

Recently I saw messages between my DH and OW ( His friends' GF) asking each other whether they are free to go for brunch, a swim on different days.
On some days the OW said she couldn't as her BF had just arrived home.

What do I make of this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lollyp2 · 12/10/2024 14:20

@Ivegotaboneinmyleg my DH loves getting into the sea.He is not a swimmer but loves just getting in.

@BlastedPimples
Yes it's utter misery having to keep an eye on them coz we hangout so much.
I have no peace knowing my DH feels the way he feels for her.
I wonder why he married me.
It's very painful to watch your DH suppress his feelings for OW.

It's almost like left alone, they would be on another level.
Don't know what to do.
We are barely 1yrs into marriage. 😢

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 12/10/2024 14:52

How does he feel for her??

How do you know he's having to suppress his feelings?

I think you need to have a conversation with him about it?

Original poster
Lollyp2 · 12/10/2024 15:01

Not sure yet.
But when she is around he can't get his eyes off her.

We met today, he kept looking over at at them.
Also she mentioned the possibility of finding a house away from where we live as they are 10 minutes away from us and he asked her "are you moving away?" in such a sad tone.

He was sat next to her today when we met and you could just see how much he couldn't keep still

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 12/10/2024 15:15

OP you are torturing yourself. You have been married a year, you should not be this unhappy.

I have my own boundaries which I have explained to him and wait to see whether he acknowledges them.

What does this mean? What did he say to it? This isn't your fault at all, but you are sounding really passive and resigned about what is going on and just waiting for him to do something about it. This is going to eat away at you from the inside out if you don't either leave or put a stop to it now.

BlastedPimples · 12/10/2024 18:29

Op, this is humiliating for you.

You cannot continue like this.

WetBandits · 12/10/2024 18:34

I go swimming with my sister’s boyfriend occasionally. He’s six years my junior and we most definitely have a brother and sister relationship! My sister doesn’t like swimming, and my DP can’t swim, so they don’t come. We were both swimmers before we started swimming together, though!

I suspect your DH is not swimming with this woman.

WhatIsThisTomFoolery24 · 12/10/2024 18:39

Her intentions definitely do not seem noble & it seems your DH's ego is lapping up the attention & interest. I'd confront her, while you are all in a group setting & see what she has to say, see how she tries to explain it all away or justify herself.

StopStartStop · 12/10/2024 22:26

Dipping his wick, more like.
They're meeting up and 'dipping' that thing together.

LushLemonTart · 12/10/2024 23:33

Aw so sorry. This sounds torturous.

Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 13/10/2024 07:57

If he just likes getting into the sea but isn't otherwise a somebody who goes to the pool multiple times a week, the "swimming" thing clearly isn't really "swimming"...It is unfortunately code for something else and, as another poster said, "dipping" is a sickening but logical alternative for the phrase.

I think that, if I were you, I would straight ask him what he and she mean by "swimming". Being as it is code, this will hit him completely off-guard and - unless there is some 'unicorn alternative innocent explanation' - he will flounder and get defensive - even possibly try to put blame on you for seeing the message. There will be your proof. If he does that, a year of marriage or double figures, the result is the same: This is not a loyal man.

I am so sorry.💐

JollyZebra · 16/10/2024 13:20

Does he normally go swimming?
If so, suggest going for a swim - see what occurs.

If he turns you down, there's your answer

tuvamoodyson · 16/10/2024 13:37

Lollyp2 · 11/10/2024 13:23

I found it weired too that GF would say to him that her BF is home hence she wouldn't make it for a swim.

Why not invite him too?

Can he swim?

ForgottenPalace · 16/10/2024 13:43

Nell1974 · 11/10/2024 13:49

Are they definitely meeting up to swim? At this time of year? (assuming you're in the UK)

Indoor swimming pool. Me and my daughter go swimming on Fridays after school, even at this time of year.

SJmamax · 16/10/2024 14:25

If it's innocent why didn't he mention it? Even as a passing comment? Being secretive is always for a reason whether it's because he assumed you'd be funny about it and he couldn't be bother to deal with the drama or because he hopes there's more too it or there actually is more to it. Whatever the reason he still shouldn't be doing it behind your back. Before I'd say anything I would say that you wanna go for lunch on one of the dates they have organised and see what he says? See if he's honest then?

and......don't let him gaslight you into thinking it's all your fault or your being dramatic. They always do that. I should know 🙄

Wishing you luck and strength 🖤

ImaginativeUserName123 · 16/10/2024 14:33

JollyZebra · 16/10/2024 13:20

Does he normally go swimming?
If so, suggest going for a swim - see what occurs.

If he turns you down, there's your answer

💯
Sorry you are going through this @Lollyp2 💐

ClawedButler · 16/10/2024 14:43

It's absolutely the secrecy that's the issue here.

Anyone who hides what they're doing and gets defensive when asked about it is most likely up to no good. Especially if they try to turn it round on you. If it's innocent you'll get shocked silence or a rush to reassure you or similar.

If it is NOT innocent be prepared to hear:

  • Why are you snooping?
  • I'm entitled to privacy
  • You're just insecure
  • I don't have to tell you everything
  • I couldn't say anything because I knew how you'd react - and I was right

I think his reaction to being asked, "Are you meeting up with Mate's GF without me or mate being invited?" will tell you everything you need to know.

pubertyalloveragain · 16/10/2024 15:04

Could it be the start of an emotional affair?

alwaysmovingforwards · 16/10/2024 15:14

JollyZebra · 16/10/2024 13:20

Does he normally go swimming?
If so, suggest going for a swim - see what occurs.

If he turns you down, there's your answer

Ask on the group chat “anyone for swimming?”

CosyLemur · 16/10/2024 17:00

It's not the activity you need to worry about it's the secrecy

Jaybail · 16/10/2024 17:02

When DH picks up his towel to go swimming make sure your towel and cossie are ready packed and go with him! Say, this'll be great, we can go out for a romantic meal afterwards, once we've worked up an appetite!

lolapops1 · 16/10/2024 17:11

Don't leave the group.
Did you see messages you were not meant to see?
Could you casually mention swimming?
All sounds a bit suss.

PlantHeadNo5 · 16/10/2024 17:22

Christ OP, this doesn’t sound good. I’m so sorry. You definitely need to trust your instincts on this one, it sounds as though he has a crush on her at the very least.

ihaveliterallynoidea · 16/10/2024 18:19

Lollyp2 · 12/10/2024 15:01

Not sure yet.
But when she is around he can't get his eyes off her.

We met today, he kept looking over at at them.
Also she mentioned the possibility of finding a house away from where we live as they are 10 minutes away from us and he asked her "are you moving away?" in such a sad tone.

He was sat next to her today when we met and you could just see how much he couldn't keep still

Sorry OP, he's had his head turned

Lotsofsnacks · 16/10/2024 18:25

ihaveliterallynoidea · 16/10/2024 18:19

Sorry OP, he's had his head turned

Show quote history

But how can he do this so blatantly in front of his wife?!! And his friend. Why would he be so stupid?! Do you think he is this stupid OP, or as you said, such a people person, just being super friendly? And he’s fond of her in a matey way. Has in been like this with female friends in the past?