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Original poster

Weird phone behaviour

61 replies

Dodgybehaviour6666 · 10/10/2024 23:19

I dont live with my bf. Together over 4 years. He's started turning his phone off when he's at mine and pretending it's dead. One morning I put it on charge as he hadn't bothered and it was already on 98%. He had missed calls and texts.
He's only just recently unblocked me on WhatsApp due to a similar event several months ago where he was not answering my messages but what online on WhatsApp.

Today he went home after 2 days at mine with his phone off. I messaged him at 8am. No reply. Went on my break at work. He was on WhatsApp. All day this has been the case. Usually he calls me at 3pm when I walk home from work. Today he didn't. I heard nothing for an hour. He claimed he'd been out for a couple of things. Usually he would say if he had gone out. This evening he's barely engaged with me. So I've asked him
He claims he's been messaging his adult daughter all day. He's still online now. I called him and he hung up and he's gone straight back on WhatsApp after we had a small disagreement about his lack of interest in me today.

He's usually in bed asleep by 9pm.

I am not demanding of his attention at all. But he goes out of his way to tell me he doesn't talk to anyone etc.

What would you think? He has no friends he keeps in touch with and has a history of cheating online in his last relationship.

OP posts:
Attelina · 10/10/2024 23:23

He doesn't seem that keen on your or the relationship.

neilyoungismyhero · 10/10/2024 23:26

Sounds a bit like history may be repeating itself. He doesn't sound like much of a catch or a very nice person.

offyoujollywelltrot · 10/10/2024 23:29

Dump him.

Original poster
Dodgybehaviour6666 · 10/10/2024 23:31

I sat and watched earlier and he was online for 12 Minuites without coming off. I dont normally do that but I was proving to myself that someone is clearly getting his focus. You only go on WhatsApp to speak to someone. The fact he's not rang me or said goodnight or asker what I'm doing like normal.
When I charged his phone the other morning and it was on 98%. It turned on and it was pinging several times. Before I left for work another missed called was on the screen. He's turning it off for a reason surely.

OP posts:
raydavis · 10/10/2024 23:31

Even if the is no OW I'd still dump him

Original poster
Dodgybehaviour6666 · 10/10/2024 23:33

I feel like I look psycho to him having ago at him. I use it. I use it for my mum, sister and 3 female friends. So I do go on and off the app. I'm very open about it. But he despises his phone allegedly and speaks to nobody. He digs at me if I touch mine when he's here.

OP posts:
Colalola · 10/10/2024 23:36

Ask if he minds if you look on his phone. If he says no you can't ... there's your answer! Sorry, it does sound like he's up to something and making you feel crazy for being suspicious. If your gut is telling you sometimes up, trust it. BiscuitFlowers

Wilson79 · 10/10/2024 23:41

I think if you feel he’s changed behaviour then you should talk to him about it. But I think the phone situation is not a big deal. I am often busy and can’t respond to calls or messages. Then remember later. I would be astonished to think anyone was counting the time I’d looked at my phone last and would feel a bit put out if someone pressured me about that.

Original poster
Dodgybehaviour6666 · 10/10/2024 23:58

Wilson79 · 10/10/2024 23:41

I think if you feel he’s changed behaviour then you should talk to him about it. But I think the phone situation is not a big deal. I am often busy and can’t respond to calls or messages. Then remember later. I would be astonished to think anyone was counting the time I’d looked at my phone last and would feel a bit put out if someone pressured me about that.

Yes I agree. But he literally claims he talks to nobody. This is a late 40s year old male with no friends around him who hates his phone. Hates apps. Never messages anyone. He's not busy. He's not currently working. He isn't replying to me but he's using WhatsApp and he's showing online. Then going off for 5 minutes. Then back on for 10.he hasn't said goodnight to me or rang. He hasn't asked about my day. But he's online until midnight. Who would he be on WhatsApp to at midnight. The same person he's been online all day talking to. Something tells me that's a not a man who's got him talking that much. It's got to be a female.

OP posts:
Treesnbirds · 11/10/2024 00:02

This rings multiple alarm bells for me I'm
afraid. 😕

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/10/2024 00:07

Sounds like he's leading a double life

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 11/10/2024 00:21

OP I wouldn't even bother trying to find out what he's doing. He's showing you where you are in his list of priorities. Get rid and find someone who doesn't drive you crazy lying to you about what he's doing when he's not with you, and then criticising you when he is.

teenmaw · 11/10/2024 00:25

No job no friends tells lies has form for cheating....any redeeming features?? 👀

Guavafish1 · 11/10/2024 01:12

You’ll never know the truth. The guy is a liar

Dump him

Ladyof2024 · 11/10/2024 01:23

teenmaw · 11/10/2024 00:25

No job no friends tells lies has form for cheating....any redeeming features?? 👀

This. He's cheating and she's welcome to him.

GoingDizzy · 11/10/2024 01:28

Hardly sounds a catch op. Why are you so desperate to stay with him? He clearly isn't prioritising you. Dump and get someone better.

Sweetnessandbite · 11/10/2024 01:34

I would disengage completely. I am sorry OP but it does sound like there is another woman. Blocking you previously from whatsapp is a huge red flag. No friends, no job, poor communication and untrustworthy. Madness lies in watching for online on whatsapp. I have done it before too and then realised that if someone is making me do that then it is already broken
As hard as it is now I wouldn't contact him in any way. Leave him to it.

Original poster
Dodgybehaviour6666 · 11/10/2024 05:39

I'm so down this morning. He keeps claiming it was his child and he kept clicking on it to see if she had replied. She's lying as he would not be that invested. He was still using it at 5am. We've had a blazing row on the phone and I just said to him that I think he's met someone else. I just need to go to work and keep my mind busy.

He's told me this accusation is wrong and I need to sort my head out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dodgybehaviour6666 · 11/10/2024 05:39

He's lying*

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 11/10/2024 06:02

It's really unhealthy to keep tabs on someone like this.
No one admits to cheating or messaging other people.

Either end it or grey rock him.
Don't message him and see when he contacts you.
Plan some nice things for this weekend and get on with your life.

Something or someone has his attention right now and it doesn't look good so start mentally preparing yourself for it to end and start building up your life.
If no contact from him after a week you can end it then (if you don't end it now)

Gettoachiro · 11/10/2024 06:38

It just isn't working for you whether he is cheating or not. You should be treated better, be asked how your day went, how you are and wished a good night.

Leave him, be good to yourself and find someone much better.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 11/10/2024 07:12

Why are you checking his WhatsApp at 5am? You are driving yourself mad. You already know he's lying.

Armychefbethebest · 11/10/2024 07:35

Even if there's no ow, op please end this watching to see how long someone who seems very uninvested in you is a waste of your life. He only behaves like this as you show him he can dump his shifty arse and find someone worthy of your time who returns it even when they are not there x

AnImaginaryCat · 11/10/2024 07:58

Dodgybehaviour6666 · 11/10/2024 05:39

I'm so down this morning. He keeps claiming it was his child and he kept clicking on it to see if she had replied. She's lying as he would not be that invested. He was still using it at 5am. We've had a blazing row on the phone and I just said to him that I think he's met someone else. I just need to go to work and keep my mind busy.

He's told me this accusation is wrong and I need to sort my head out.

A relationship where you are so obsessivly monitoring another person's WhatsApp that you are up at 5am checking, is not a healthy relationship. Are you narurally this agitated and paranoid? If not, I think you are better off without him and retuning to your normal self. And that's before you even get to how he might or might not be behaving.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/10/2024 08:02

You will literally drive yourself insane with this checking and speculating - though I 100% understand the compulsion. I did similar when I was in a similar situation.

but you will never find out the truth unless he tells you. Which seems unlikely.