DP and social media

[Needachange02]

DP has a TikTok account that he set up recently. He sent me a video today and I had a look on his account.

He is following an account called gothic brat, along with a couple of other accounts of women who I estimate are late 20’s/early 30’s. Women on there to just get the likes and comments from men, showing their cleavage, dressed in an overly sexy way.

Obviously that is their choice, I have no issue with the women on the accounts.

Just why though? It’s disrespectful. Surely he knows that I will see this.

If you were to use these platforms would you follow any accounts of younger or attractive men etc? Is your relationship quite open in this way? I'm asking because some people have that set up.

I do think it's disrespectful personally, but know plenty of men, mostly on the younger side though who do this as well as liking and commenting, it's bizarre.

Absolutely not. My social media following is celebs, influencers and friends.

DP is in his 40’s, so old enough to know better. I just don’t understand him, or as you say, men who do this.

I wouldn't be happy about this OP. It's very disrespectful to you.
Also given his age and the age of the women he is letching over it's quite disgusting.
I would be wondering if I wanted to be in a relationship.with some one who is seeking sexual gratification from other women in this way.

That’s exactly what I’m thinking about @Sundaymondaytuesdayetc. I honestly thought he was the one.

It’s giving me the creeps. So done with low value men.

"Low value" men?! This phrase is so creepy - it's really gross to declare someone to be 'low value'.

Ok, so maybe I should have said I’m so over men who hold so little value for their partners and relationships they feel it’s ok to hurt their feelings by being so disgraceful.

Either way, his actions are not ok.

I think " low value men" is perfectly acceptable. I see it as shorthand for men who have few or no moral values. They feel free to behave as suits them without regard to others.

Exactly this. TBF to him, he does have good moral values.

I’ve been thinking about it in the night and will talk with him later. I’m not so angry now, more hurt. I’ll tell him this but won’t take his, I assume, remorse at face value.

Really don’t want to throw away an otherwise good relationship, we’re planning to move in together and have spoken about marriage.

But then I come back to why has he done it. I mean, I know why.

It is low value behaviour.

if people don’t want ‘creepy’ labels, perhaps they shouldn’t do creepy behaviour.

I get this. I initially read it in an Andrew Tate/Whatshisface Samuels way, when they talk about “high value men” 🤮

Yep!

Low value is a perfect description for men that are sleazy and creeps.

OP rethink moving forward with a low value man.
You will bitterly regret it.
This is who he is.
Moving in is suchba bad idea.
You deserve so much better than him.

Thank you. As an almost 50 year old, I’ve been in some pretty crappy relationships. It’s so refreshing to be with a man who until now appears to have actually valued me.

It’s easy to say you love a person, it’s the way them demonstrate their love that matters.

I know he will hate to think that he has hurt me, shame he wasn’t thinking about that when he followed those accounts 😒

Men are boring. They're so obsessed with other women. Always. You'll realise in time that being single is the only way forward.

I have FB, all of my friends are either family or 'school mums' (kids friends mums). I do not yet allow my kids FB due to age but it allows the kids to swop holiday pics and the mums n me to arrange kids days etc.

Some I follow on Instagram and some follow me. As a single dad, does that make me a red flag or low value??

The OP specifically described the pages her partner’s following as being “Women on there to just get the likes and comments from men, showing their cleavage, dressed in an overly sexy way.”

As that doesn’t fit with the people you say you’re following, how is your comment relevant to her question?

OP - why on earth do you care?

Unless he is constantly commenting and complimenting women’s videos - what exactly is a big deal?

My instagram throws an eclectic mix of videos at me. Lots of cats. But also occasional Australian firefighters. And having clicked on them - now I get other muscular men - dancing salsa, or exercising, etc. I may have clicked follow on occasion on some that i find interesting.

If my partner who is not as fit or young as men in these videos started stalking my SM and telling me I was being disrespectful - I’d probably just laugh. And ask him if he is losing it.
What am i supposed to be doing - plotting to cheat with some random man off the internet???

Its no different when I (or he) find celebrities on TV attractive. Totally normal and not in any way a threat to the relationship.
Seriously - life is too short.

I find most of these threats are less about the men in question, and more about how we feel about ourselves as we get older.
There will always be younger women as we age. Just a fact of life.

I can understand your misgivings about him following these women on social media. Doesn't do much for your ego, does it?
Call him out, tell him how hurtful you find his actions.
Don't move in, don't marry him. If you're not happy now and he continues to do it after you've married/moved in just imagine how miserable you could be with him.

Has he left sleezy comments? Or is this purely based on following a couple of younger women on a social media account?
If it's the first I'd have a word. If it's the latter i wouldn't bat an eyelid tbh. The algorithms push these accounts on his demographic. It's not like he's actually meeting them or communicating. Unless he is? What made you want to check what he's looking at?

I personally don't see the problem 🤷‍♀️

I follow lots of people on tik tok, some may be of rather good looking men, I don't think that makes me low value... And I have no interest in who DP follows on tik tok frankly.

This 100%

It does feel like obsession doesn't it
I'm never looking around at men, following men, seeking out profiles etc

He's following them. Very easy to not follow them..

Life is too short to put up with sleazy pervs.