Page 3 | DP and social media

Needachange02 · 2024-10-10T18:04:37+00:00

DP has a TikTok account that he set up recently. He sent me a video today and I had a look on his account. He is following an account called gothic brat, along with a couple of other accounts of women who I estimate are late 20’s/early 30’s. Women on there to just get the likes and comments from men, showing their cleavage, dressed in an overly sexy way. Obviously that is their choice, I have no issue with the women on the accounts. Just why though? It’s disrespectful. Surely he knows that I will see this.

SnapdragonToadflax · 17/10/2024 17:09

But how is it in your face? It's on his account, on his phone?

Disturbia81 · 17/10/2024 19:56

@Twinmaker I'm trying to convey that he is a sleazy one, he won't change and she feels like it's all sorted but it never will be. He's shown himself and she will be in for a life of insecurity.

Bookworm20 · 17/10/2024 20:09

FFS here we are again. The op asking asking about the behaviour of her DP which, lets face it, most of us would be on the exact same page as her and shes being described as controlling or having an issue with it, or being insecure.

For what its worth OP, you don't sound insecure OR controlling. You sound like a perfectly normal woman who was a bit WTF about her DP following scantily clad younger women on social media.
And honestly i'd feel exactly the same. And I am NOT controlling or insecure!

Thankfully you've told him why its a bit WTF and he's done something about it, off his own back, to reassure you that that was not his intention.
I hope that is the end of that and he is sincere and was just another clueless bloke clicking on something he probaly shouldn't at some point and has realised that you are worth more than anything to him and he wouldn't jeopardise that for the world.
I think there are men who deliberately blindside their partners for this type of crap, but I also think there are some who click something because they are curious and then think nothing of it afterwards and it was a total one off. And are suitably mortified about it all.

I hope OP has the later.

The fact he took her concerns onboard, unfollowed the account without being asked to and apologised for upsetting her I think speaks volumes.

I hope you have one of the good ones OP (if perhaps a little clueless, but then which of them aren't?)

And don't for one second think you are controlling or insecure for voicing your concerns to your partner about basic, bare minimum respect in a relationship.
Good for you. And good for him for not gaslighting you into thinking you are unreasonable.

Original poster

Needachange02 · 17/10/2024 21:33

Bookworm20 · 17/10/2024 20:09

FFS here we are again. The op asking asking about the behaviour of her DP which, lets face it, most of us would be on the exact same page as her and shes being described as controlling or having an issue with it, or being insecure.

For what its worth OP, you don't sound insecure OR controlling. You sound like a perfectly normal woman who was a bit WTF about her DP following scantily clad younger women on social media.
And honestly i'd feel exactly the same. And I am NOT controlling or insecure!

Thankfully you've told him why its a bit WTF and he's done something about it, off his own back, to reassure you that that was not his intention.
I hope that is the end of that and he is sincere and was just another clueless bloke clicking on something he probaly shouldn't at some point and has realised that you are worth more than anything to him and he wouldn't jeopardise that for the world.
I think there are men who deliberately blindside their partners for this type of crap, but I also think there are some who click something because they are curious and then think nothing of it afterwards and it was a total one off. And are suitably mortified about it all.

I hope OP has the later.

The fact he took her concerns onboard, unfollowed the account without being asked to and apologised for upsetting her I think speaks volumes.

I hope you have one of the good ones OP (if perhaps a little clueless, but then which of them aren't?)

And don't for one second think you are controlling or insecure for voicing your concerns to your partner about basic, bare minimum respect in a relationship.
Good for you. And good for him for not gaslighting you into thinking you are unreasonable.

@Bookworm20
thank you for your understanding.

and has realised that you are worth more than anything to him and he wouldn't jeopardise that for the world.

That is pretty much what he told me. And I believe him. He is one of the good ones, up
until this he had never given me any reason to think otherwise. He is the most open man I know.

OP posts:

Disturbia81 · 17/10/2024 23:01

Bookworm20 · 17/10/2024 20:09

FFS here we are again. The op asking asking about the behaviour of her DP which, lets face it, most of us would be on the exact same page as her and shes being described as controlling or having an issue with it, or being insecure.

For what its worth OP, you don't sound insecure OR controlling. You sound like a perfectly normal woman who was a bit WTF about her DP following scantily clad younger women on social media.
And honestly i'd feel exactly the same. And I am NOT controlling or insecure!

Thankfully you've told him why its a bit WTF and he's done something about it, off his own back, to reassure you that that was not his intention.
I hope that is the end of that and he is sincere and was just another clueless bloke clicking on something he probaly shouldn't at some point and has realised that you are worth more than anything to him and he wouldn't jeopardise that for the world.
I think there are men who deliberately blindside their partners for this type of crap, but I also think there are some who click something because they are curious and then think nothing of it afterwards and it was a total one off. And are suitably mortified about it all.

I hope OP has the later.

The fact he took her concerns onboard, unfollowed the account without being asked to and apologised for upsetting her I think speaks volumes.

I hope you have one of the good ones OP (if perhaps a little clueless, but then which of them aren't?)

And don't for one second think you are controlling or insecure for voicing your concerns to your partner about basic, bare minimum respect in a relationship.
Good for you. And good for him for not gaslighting you into thinking you are unreasonable.

Good post

BobbyBiscuits · 17/10/2024 23:07

You find it disrespectful, so you must tell him so. If he cares about your feelings then surely he'll stop. I would find it pretty grim if my 40-something yo partner was following and chatting/flirting with much younger women who are clearly not friends in a platonic, non sexual way. Sone people accept this type thing. I personally wouldn't. I'd associate it with very much younger, more immature men.

Lennon80 · 19/10/2024 11:27

I’d start looking at his search history - bet it’s not pretty!

Original poster

Needachange02 · 19/10/2024 22:44

Lennon80 · 19/10/2024 11:27

I’d start looking at his search history - bet it’s not pretty!

I’ve seen his history, we often look at stuff on the internet together. He goes to his history to click a website he/we have been on previously.
I realise he could have deleted anything he doesn’t want me to see.

We spoke about porn use, if that’s what you are referring to, during a conversation and he told me he had never been interested in it.
I have no reason to doubt him, and to be honest, I don’t have an issue with porn.

I’m not going to be drawn into different scenarios. If we doubt men when they are talking to us who we believe are otherwise truthful and have given no reason to doubt them then how do we ever move forward?

OP posts:

jsku · 19/10/2024 23:58

Oh, he is one of the men with healthy libido who tells women that he had never been interested in porn. Right…

OP - the more you protest having a problem with porn, etc, or not being insecure - the more it sounds like a mad person shouting ‘i am NOT crazy’…

Of course you have a problem - it is quite clear. But you prefer not to deal with your feelings by asking him to do what he does online out of your sight, and chose to believe the ‘not interested in porn’, etc.

Why shouldn’t we believe men when they say it - well because maybe they know that women are also lying in those sort of conversations.

Women who have no problems with porn - don't discuss ‘porn use’. There is only one reason to bring it up in a conversation. And once the conversation like that has started - there is only one way for the men to keep the peace and that is to tell a white lie.