I've been seeing my boyfriend for just over a year but it's been quite off and on because I just keep feeling so stifled and pressured by him...
He thinks he could be autistic - my eldest son is and I think I am too and I do recognise some of the social awkwardness stuff in my boyfriend, but something about him doesn't feel quite right, although I'm not sure what that something is....it doesn't feel quite like autism, or only autism, that's causing his 'issues' (if they even are issues - maybe it's just me over reacting and he would be another woman's ideal of an ideal man!)
If you average out the amount of times we've spent together over the year it probably averages out to seeing him once a month or so.
Although I do love him, I feel like as we haven't seen each other much we should be acting like we're still in the first flush of dating; just going on fun dates, not declaring love every day, just...chilled and relaxed. He knew me as a friend prior to dating so to him, we're a long term, serious couple in love.
We've talked about this and he says he'll chill but whenever we meet up, he will kiss me for hours at a time (literally, just an hour of kissing, staring into my eyes, giggling then kissing again), sit on the bed with me but hold my hand the whole time or rest his head on my shoulder (which always feels a bit weird to me, like that's something my kids would do), the minute we walk anywhere out of the house he grabs hold of my hand... We went to the cinema last night and it was so awkward the whole time - I'd had a stressful evening anyway so turned up a bit harassed, but wanted to make sure I kept the date and not cancel. Gave him a kiss to say hi, walked into the cinema and went to get some snacks. He said he'd pay but we've spoken about this before and he knows I prefer to pay my own way so I said no need, I'll get my own.
We then went to pay and he spent so much time mithering me about whether I wanted him to pay for mine that the woman serving us got the impression he was paying for it all and charged him for my stuff.
Walking into the screen I just casually mentioned I wasn't sure whether I needed the loo. His response was "yeah" Which I found odd. He does that a lot, when I mention something I've done or would like to do, or just anything I'd expect a bit more of an answer he just says yeah and I'm not sure whether he's heard me or not. I wasnt wanting a full conversation over my toilet needs, but if he'd said he same I might've just said something like "oh, do you wanna go now then before we head in?".
We got into the cinema and he started saying I should go to the toilet now. I told him I'd decided to wait as I wasn't that desperate but he mentioned it a couple more times. Then as we sat down he went to do what he always does which was hold my hand. I've told him before that I don't feel the need to hold his hand all the way through the film but whenever we come, he always tries. I just find it quite restrictive and we've usually held hands on the way to the cinema and on the way home anyway, plus that day he'd come round at lunchtime and we'd had sex and cuddled for an hour so I thought he might've been able to last 90 mins without feeling the need to hold me.
I could tell he wanted affection though, so I shuffled over so our arms were touching, and a bit later in the film I rested my leg over his - but then he made it weird (imo) but crossing his leg back over mine! I thought he'd maybe put his hand on my knees or something but not turn us into a game of twister!
I then felt him look over at me (a good ten seconds each time) and smile about five times during the film. Everytime I moved he kind of twitched his hand towards me like he thought I was going to hold his hand and then when we came out of the cinema he started walking in the direction of my car - opposite to where he was parked. I asked what he was doing and he said he'd walk me to my car so we walked hand in hand the five mins to my car, then he stood there like he was waiting for a kiss and a cuddle. I went for a peck and he started snogging me in the middle of the car park. At one point I went to open my car door and he stood side by side with me, with his arm round my shoulder.
It just all feels so awkward and unnatural and I either have to put up with it or spend my time constantly telling him he's being affectionate wrong, which sir what I say but must be how it comes across when I jokingly point out something and tell him he could've acted less awkwardly and more natural (for example don't stand side by side with your arm round my shoulder, maybe put it round my waist and face my more if you really want to cuddle while I'm unlocking my car).
We bickered slightly after that, with me saying I don't believe people really hold hands at the cinema, he told me other people he'd been with had seen that as normal, then I said all the overtime affection feels a bit claustrophobic and kind of all puts me off him a bit, to which he replied "I think at this moment in time, anything would put you off me". So I told him not to be so blamey, said goodbye and went home.
By the time I'd got home ten minutes later he'd messaged saying "honey, sorry I was rude to you. I love you more than anything and we maybe slightly incompatible with how we show affection, but what I'm saying is that I'm wanting to get to know you more and want to treat you the way that's good for you because you're worth it to me. I've had a great time seeing you twice in one day... You're amazing. Thank you 😘".
I then mentioned that I just feel it's a bit needy and claustrophobic and that in secure enough in myself and us as a couple to be able to make it through a 90 minute film without needing to hold his hand and wonder whether he'd be more compatible with someone like his ex wife who loved the idea of him being obsessed with her (I was tired and hungry by this point so lashed out a bit).
His reply was "Oi, shush! We're in this mess because I like you too much and I'm kinda going over the top making sure you're happy because I never quite believe my luck! Every single time i just need to know you're fine. So... Yay?! 😆
Ugh.
Anyway, I love you loads and I've had a rainbow of emotions today so exhausted! Definitely feel like I'm gonna enjoy my sleep tonight x"
That sort of felt like he thinks I should be grateful that he's forcing unwanted affection on me but I left the conversation there and said goodnight.
This morning he's trying to message and speak like normal but I just can't snap back to I love yous and stuff l because he's soooo over the top with his affection and words, it almost feels fake!
Am I just being horrible or is he a little bit too needy and clingy?