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Original poster

Husband and Holland

63 replies

whsm17 · 06/10/2024 19:42

Husband wants to go to Holland for 2 days with his friends on a bachelor party . None of his friends are married and I don't really know them personally. Idk how to feel about it .. to let him go or not ....

OP posts:
hotblacktea · 06/10/2024 19:45

let him go ?

he is an adult, you either trust him or you don't, and then you have a bigger problem than what he might do on a bachelor party

tarheelbaby · 06/10/2024 19:57

Sure. It was not even a question for me but perhaps I'm naive. DH went on a stag do in the Alps and I didn't even blink.

Sugarysugar · 06/10/2024 19:59

Gosh I don't know what sounds worse: bachelor party" or the more usual " stag weekend".
Where abouts in Holland are they going?
If it's to visit the tulip fields i wouldnt be bothered. If it's to try out the night life in Amsterdam I wouldn't be happy.
But you can't stop him going.

Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 20:14

Sugarysugar · 06/10/2024 19:59

Gosh I don't know what sounds worse: bachelor party" or the more usual " stag weekend".
Where abouts in Holland are they going?
If it's to visit the tulip fields i wouldnt be bothered. If it's to try out the night life in Amsterdam I wouldn't be happy.
But you can't stop him going.

When I asked him, hehe said its not decided yet where they will be going but that's the plan . I don't know his friends and whenever they call and I'm with him, he tells them . I haven't seen them ever either and he doesn't like me knowing them, they never came home , he meets them outside or at their house . They visited our house once and my husband hid our photo . A bit weird but I didn't question him , And I have absolutely no issue with that . Until now , when he will be away with them , I just now feel bad vibes maybe they aren't good in character etc....

OP posts:
DistressedDamson · 06/10/2024 20:18

To be honest, I find the fact that you don’t know, have never met any of these friends a bit weird. And the fact that you have “no issue” with your husband hiding your photo when they did visit your (I assume) marital home…that’s more of an issue than a stag weekend away. As PP said, you either trust him, or you don’t and if you don’t then that’s the issue, not the going away.

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/10/2024 20:18

If you don’t trust him then that’s the problem you need to address, not where he’s going in a stag weekend.

PatsyPatsysaid · 06/10/2024 20:19

Holland - as in Amsterdam? No worse that a stag do to Mallorca

Sugarysugar · 06/10/2024 20:22

Given your update OP I wouldn't be happy at all.
Are you sure it is men friends he is going away with? Could it be a woman?
Have you asked him why he is being so secretive about his friends?

DappledThings · 06/10/2024 20:26

You've got as far as getting married to this man and you haven't met his friends and he appears to pretend to them you don't exist given the hiding your photo? A stag do is far from the biggest problem you have here.

Were none of these people invited to your wedding?

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/10/2024 20:31

Your posting history indicates you’re married to a serial cheater and haven’t been totally faithful yourself: agonising over a stag weekend and what is friends are like are the least of your worries. Yes, he may well cheat on a stag weekend, whether it’s in Amsterdam or Aylesbury, because that’s the person he is. You need to seriously think about why you’re staying in a relationship with somebody you know you can’t trust.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 06/10/2024 20:33

Would you be worried if he was going to, say, Doncaster?

Cosycover · 06/10/2024 20:41

He put a camera in the bathroom to watch your cousin showering. Don't think he can do much worse in Amsterdam tbh.

JumalanTerve · 06/10/2024 20:48

What do you mean 'let him go'? Would you be happy if he was pondering whether to 'let you go' somewhere? The destination and travel mates are both irrelevant here.

Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:00

DistressedDamson · 06/10/2024 20:18

To be honest, I find the fact that you don’t know, have never met any of these friends a bit weird. And the fact that you have “no issue” with your husband hiding your photo when they did visit your (I assume) marital home…that’s more of an issue than a stag weekend away. As PP said, you either trust him, or you don’t and if you don’t then that’s the issue, not the going away.

Yes , trust is the issue , the fact I don't know those men NOW putting me in a situation where I'm assuming they will be in Amsterdam for sure , none of them is married that's the only thing I know . I have seent their photos but nothing else .

OP posts:
Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:03

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/10/2024 20:18

If you don’t trust him then that’s the problem you need to address, not where he’s going in a stag weekend.

We made a joke that I don't want you to go as its not safe for a married man ! He said I will change your mind , then he said I will send you pictures of every minute, I said to him it sounds badlands I don't want you to feel pressured but I don't trust that place . He has been laughing saying he will be going but I'm just quiet for now .

OP posts:
Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:04

I'm sure he said Holland so it doesn't sound bad buy why on earth men want to go there ? To see the canal ?

OP posts:
AboutVattime · 06/10/2024 21:09

whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:04

I'm sure he said Holland so it doesn't sound bad buy why on earth men want to go there ? To see the canal ?

Don't be so naive !! You know as well as anyone with the ability to use the internet that Amsterdam has a legalised red light district !!

Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:09

They are men , they call him and I know one of them is getting married next year , but who else and what they gonna do ? Idk .
He said he doesn't like me in front of them so he keep me away , I know 2 of his other friends who are local ,both married and have kids and i have met the families. Those specific ones , just pictures , and husband definitely doesn't want me to b front of them , i find it weird but i decided to let it go as it isnt harmingy relationship .

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 06/10/2024 21:10

Cosycover · 06/10/2024 20:41

He put a camera in the bathroom to watch your cousin showering. Don't think he can do much worse in Amsterdam tbh.

Oh dear

Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:10

DappledThings · 06/10/2024 20:26

You've got as far as getting married to this man and you haven't met his friends and he appears to pretend to them you don't exist given the hiding your photo? A stag do is far from the biggest problem you have here.

Were none of these people invited to your wedding?

We only had close family at our wedding as it was a destination wedding

OP posts:
OhcantthInkofaname · 06/10/2024 21:13

Are you going to be invited to the wedding?

Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:13

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/10/2024 20:31

Your posting history indicates you’re married to a serial cheater and haven’t been totally faithful yourself: agonising over a stag weekend and what is friends are like are the least of your worries. Yes, he may well cheat on a stag weekend, whether it’s in Amsterdam or Aylesbury, because that’s the person he is. You need to seriously think about why you’re staying in a relationship with somebody you know you can’t trust.

He claims never physical , but I guess those friends are his card to the physical one now . I would not bother as I just live my life for kids but it's making me sick thinking what can happen .

OP posts:
ThaTrìCaitAgam · 06/10/2024 21:16

I get your concerns. Amsterdam for male tourists is sex and drugs. They may see a canal if they happen to cross one. I’ve lived there for a while, and the red light district and coffee shops are full with (English) men.

But forbidding him to go isn’t what will fix your problem, I’m afraid.

Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:17

JumalanTerve · 06/10/2024 20:48

What do you mean 'let him go'? Would you be happy if he was pondering whether to 'let you go' somewhere? The destination and travel mates are both irrelevant here.

I have told him I don't trust him and his friends together at that place and he laughed ,

OP posts:
Original poster
whsm17 · 06/10/2024 21:18

Cosycover · 06/10/2024 20:41

He put a camera in the bathroom to watch your cousin showering. Don't think he can do much worse in Amsterdam tbh.

Yeah I don't want another trauma

OP posts:
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