Sulking or am I in the wrong?

[CM97]

So I've been dating someone after meeting on line for 3 months now... messaged for a month before that but he was away with work so we didn't meet for a month. We live 2 hours apart and are both busy. Dates have been sporadic which kind of suited me initially. His daughter was moving to Australia for 2 years, and he wanted to spend time with her which I completely understood so I waited. However, she left, he had to go away for work for 10 days and then returned. We saw each other last weekend and this week he was came to my home town for work.

He suggested meeting after his work dinner on the Tuesday but it was going to be after 10 pm and I had work the next day so said let's meet on the Wednesday. Anyway - long story short but we didn't meet because his work don't go well and he wanted to get back home.

He's been really busy so we hadn't spoken all week, yesterday I messaged to say what's happened/why has he been distant etc? No response initially which is unusual for him.

Then he replied and said my texts were not what he was expecting and we'd talk later.

Then later, he said my messages have thrown him and he needs time to process. I said fine, does he want me to explain etc, he said no he is tired.

So I think about it, and this morning I text and say that I need more than meeting for dinner and a night together in a hotel every 3-6 weeks, (He's def not married, I've been to his house), and he's seen my message but not replied.

Surely this doesn't need thinking about, either he wants to date me or he doesn't? Why the silent treatment?

I think if he was bothered about keeping it going he'd have called you or messaged back fairly quickly.

I'd rather take control and go "yeah, this isn't going to work for me" and end it myself than wait around for him to do it, or for him to come back with some nonsense that will keep you hanging on longer but ultimately end the same way.

Just say the update on he's 55. Good grief.

He doesn't need time to process anything. He's expecting you to hang around waiting for his attention when he decides your worth giving it. Respect yourself more than he does.

Exactly- it's not rocket science is it? Either he wants to continue in which case he would reply and say, "of course, let's talk" etc or he doesn't... he shouldn't need to think about whether he wants to see me.

3 months OP, there's stuff been in my fridge longer than that. The first few months of a relationship are supposed to fun, seeing each other as much as possible...it shouldn't be this hard.

Throw this one back

“receiving a text saying "its not working as it is and I need more, please think about it and let me know", he should have replied with something.”

You told him it’s not working and you need more. He didn’t bother to respond. It’s over. His silence IS his response. If you keep chasing this, you’ll look desperate. He doesn’t want it. Cut your losses and just block him.

If a man wants you, he will walk over hot coals to get to you. This guy is actively turning down opportunities to see you. Walk away. He’s not worth your time because it appears you’re not worth his energy. He didn’t even reply to your messages.

Just let this funny fish back into the sea. He's not that bothered and it isn't worth the strife. If they're into you AND not into playing daft games, you'll know. Life is tooo short.

That doesn’t matter really does it, as he clearly is the sort of person who needs to process things. By processing I’d read either “how do I tell this person I’m not interested in this level of intense after 3 months as I’m not sure how I feel about them yet” or “if I just don’t reply maybe she’ll eventually get the hint and leave me alone”

Go have some casual dates @CM97 , you're too busy to be worrying about an exclusive relationship especially with someone you barely see (hot odds on he's lying anyway).

Enjoy the thrill, nerves, casual nature of meeting new people (in very public places) and have strange and interesting conversations with people you might see a few times or might never see again. Far more entertaining and less headf**king than you've got going on with this guy.

Take back the power.

At 55, he won't rush over coals for anyone. DP is a similar age, and in the beginning, he was like this. Business pressures fluctuate, and when he was involved with projects, he'd go quiet. It felt flaky to me, but he said I was being needy at an inappropriate time. We've ironed the communication out now, and it was worth it.

@ShillyShallySherbet yes you are right. It doesn't matter whether I am or I am not but it makes me wonder why he needs to "process it". However, if he can't send any reply at all to a message when I tell him that it's not working for me as it is because I actually want to see him and go on some dates, that makes me think it's not down to him needing to process his feelings for me.

@Missamyp it's definitely different at this age. I wouldn't rush over hot coals for him either but I don't want to feel like I am constantly having to ask him to meet up.

You ended it , - “its not working as it is and I need more, please think about it and let me know”

Nah just bin him off OP, why should you sit about waiting an arbitrary amount of time for him to process stuff, he’s made hardly any effort and if it’s this much hard work after only a few months I don’t see the point.

Dont let him call the shots, otherwise I’ll bet he suddenly decides in a couple of weeks to get in touch (because he thinks you’ll be up for sex) but his general lack of interest will continue.

His silence is your answer

or you could call him then come and update us on it! (Much more exciting from my perspective 😆)

OP with a long distance relationship like this, that’s only been going 12 weeks, you don’t really know each other.

I would consider his responses, both the ‘didn’t expect this’ and the silence, as your answer. He doesn’t want to make this more than it is, whatever he has said previously.

Also, you say you are both very busy and live 2h apart so there isn’t the potential really for it to be anything else.

Don’t look desperate by demanding a response. You won’t like anything he has to say. If he wanted more he would make it happen.

Archive or mute him and move on.
💐

I like to watch He's just not that into you, every now and again to remind myself how true it is. A man who wants you will make the time to see you, will message and will show you how important you are. Don't settle for scraps!

@Fs365 "it's not working as it is and I need more" - to me this isn't closing the door and ending it - it's saying I am not going on as it is, he could have come back and replied with anything - either "ok thanks for letting me know" or "ok let's talk about it"... but I've had no reply.

Sorry OP but online relationships are not really relationships at all and you hardly know this man. You don't even know how much of what he's told you is true. He may have other girlfriends even if he's living alone. There's been an awful lot of excuses to get out of meeting you in person. I hope you let this one go and find someone who wants a real relationship.

If I thought he'd answer I'd be tempted.

I've been to his house, he isn't married/living with anyone. We've met 5 or 6 times.

Well, you know it's over then, don't you? If he wouldn't answer the phone to you.

Tbh I I received that message, I’d see it as the door being closed though I’d probably reply with an ‘ok wish you well’ but maybe he just thinks you’ve ended it and he’s got no real response.

Sorry yes, I amended my post after seeing on your earlier post that he's not living with anyone. But do you know much about his private life - have you met his children, friends, work colleagues? Five or six meetings in three months really isn't much. And he won't even speak to you on the phone! You deserve more.

His silence is the answer - sorry he is just not is into you

Yes I agree