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Original poster

Bored boyfriend expects me to entertain him

77 replies

Peachy0097 · 05/10/2024 07:57

Hi, I'm 28 female. Boyfriend is 30
We have a 8 month old baby together. We do not live together at the moment, I have my own place with baby. And he still lives at his mother's house.

My boyfriend seems to always be in and out of jobs (one of the reasons we don't live together) recently he lost his job again due to his attitude in work.

He manages to find work rather quickly mind, but the few weeks that he is unemployed he seems to expect me to entertain him. He sits there repeating how "bored" he is over and over. He gets annoyed if I say I have plans. Or an appointment for baby etc. It's like he thinks because I no longer work due to having the baby thay I have all this free time that should be spent with him.

He will even ask "well can I take the baby to my mums house for a few hours" when it's a monday morning and we might have heath visitor or a sensory class that day.

I've made me own routine with the baby monday-fridays when he was at one point in work (and usually is in work) but he's starting to get annoyed now that I've even said no your not having the baby today as I'm doing this and that with her.

He would usually see the baby after work hours, so from 4pm-8pm

Then weekends he gets whatever hours he wants

Am I being a b
Or is he being inreasonable

OP posts:
redtrain123 · 05/10/2024 08:00

Can he come to the appointments with you? Or classes?

I get you have your own routine, but he’s the dad as well. It’s great he want to spend time with the baby. Not great he’s in and out of jobs.

DustyLee123 · 05/10/2024 08:02

YABU. He is the dad, he should be able to take her to see her grandparents. If it’s a HV appointment he can have her before/after.

LittleGreenDragons · 05/10/2024 08:02

Let's go back to basics before commenting on baby responsibilities.

My boyfriend seems to always be in and out of jobs (one of the reasons we don't love together) recently he lost his job again due to his attitude in work.
Why is he still your boyfriend? This man will not give you a stable or happy future.

Thfrog · 05/10/2024 08:02

Tell him to take the baby out to a cafe or something and he can make some friends

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/10/2024 08:03

He sounds like an utter loser.

LochKatrine · 05/10/2024 08:03

Why isn't he living with you and the baby? Why aren't you a family?

Notmynamerightnow · 05/10/2024 08:07

LochKatrine · 05/10/2024 08:03

Why isn't he living with you and the baby? Why aren't you a family?

Because he can't even hold down a job, as the OP said. The OP is being very sensible.

Pillowfights · 05/10/2024 08:07

LochKatrine · 05/10/2024 08:03

Why isn't he living with you and the baby? Why aren't you a family?

Because she'd then be looking after a baby and a man child

Op as a pp has said, your bf can have baby after the appointment or come with you. If it's a baby group (toddlers etc) maybe suggests he takes her

Sounds like you're doing a brilliant job on your own

Sugarysugar · 05/10/2024 08:07

Are you sure he is 30 and not 13?

Lives with his parents, can't hold down a job, doesn't understand what parenting a baby involves, and expects you to " entertain" him when he is bored. What are his good points? He sounds absolutely infuriating.

You should continue to prioritise your baby and be the good and responsible mum you are obviously being. But honestly you should reconsider you relationship with your bf. He is not an adult.

Original poster
Peachy0097 · 05/10/2024 08:08

LochKatrine · 05/10/2024 08:03

Why isn't he living with you and the baby? Why aren't you a family?

We don't live as a family as its me mainly that isn't ready for that.

He's not the best with money management
He's in and out of jobs due to his answering back/attitude
He's clingy, as in... if he seem me getting ready to leave the house he would just incite himself and tag along with me

I personally just like my own space if I'm being honest.. we got pregnant within a few months of being together so it wasn't exactly the perfect planned story that most people have

We are both great parents, but I don't want to live with him just yet. I need to see some kind of improvement

I mean am I suppose to support myself a baby and a grown ass man on my pathetic amount of money, whilst he's in and out of work

OP posts:
LochKatrine · 05/10/2024 08:09

Pillowfights · 05/10/2024 08:07

Because she'd then be looking after a baby and a man child

Op as a pp has said, your bf can have baby after the appointment or come with you. If it's a baby group (toddlers etc) maybe suggests he takes her

Sounds like you're doing a brilliant job on your own

Show quote history

Maybe he should stop being a man child and being given a pass. He's a father and should be a contributing parent. I've no idea why some men just get excused their responsibilities.

TheCultureHusks · 05/10/2024 08:11

Please tell me you didn’t saddle your baby with this useless man’s surname instead of giving her yours!

LochKatrine · 05/10/2024 08:11

Thanks for the update, @Peachy0097 . I can see where you're coming from. However, you're not being supported enough - in any sense. He sounds very immature and needs to step up, though. Good luck!

Thfrog · 05/10/2024 08:12

Peachy0097 · 05/10/2024 08:08

We don't live as a family as its me mainly that isn't ready for that.

He's not the best with money management
He's in and out of jobs due to his answering back/attitude
He's clingy, as in... if he seem me getting ready to leave the house he would just incite himself and tag along with me

I personally just like my own space if I'm being honest.. we got pregnant within a few months of being together so it wasn't exactly the perfect planned story that most people have

We are both great parents, but I don't want to live with him just yet. I need to see some kind of improvement

I mean am I suppose to support myself a baby and a grown ass man on my pathetic amount of money, whilst he's in and out of work

Show quote history

Is he a great parent? Really? He's bored and has nothing to do in the day - he could be taking baby to these classes etc.

Personally I'd stop calling him a boyfriend and end it now.

Original poster
Peachy0097 · 05/10/2024 08:12

TheCultureHusks · 05/10/2024 08:11

Please tell me you didn’t saddle your baby with this useless man’s surname instead of giving her yours!

Unfortunately I did

OP posts:
Kosenrufugirl · 05/10/2024 08:12

Thfrog · 05/10/2024 08:02

Tell him to take the baby out to a cafe or something and he can make some friends

Terrible idea. It's mostly women in those cafes. I do think you might offer some flexibility. Are you trying to stick to your own routine Monday to Friday as you are consciously or subconsciously trying to nudge him into work? I don't see how it's going to work. Whatever you do, don't come to an arrangement that he provides the bulk of childcare when you go back to work. I have seen quite few women falling into this trap. The man never grows up to be useful and separation is difficult for all sorts of reasons. I would be more flexible for now to let the father-child bond grow. Babies don't take much in terms of finance. However later you can start dropping heavy hints - our child needs a coat, I need to book a birthday party etc. Then see where it leads too. Sometimes young men just need to discover what they are good at.

Thfrog · 05/10/2024 08:13

we got pregnant within a few months of being together so it wasn't exactly the perfect planned story that most people have please don't let this even be a thought in your mind. There are LOADS of people who haven't got a "planned story". This is life. You can do this by yourself if that's what you choose.

Thfrog · 05/10/2024 08:15

Kosenrufugirl · 05/10/2024 08:12

Terrible idea. It's mostly women in those cafes. I do think you might offer some flexibility. Are you trying to stick to your own routine Monday to Friday as you are consciously or subconsciously trying to nudge him into work? I don't see how it's going to work. Whatever you do, don't come to an arrangement that he provides the bulk of childcare when you go back to work. I have seen quite few women falling into this trap. The man never grows up to be useful and separation is difficult for all sorts of reasons. I would be more flexible for now to let the father-child bond grow. Babies don't take much in terms of finance. However later you can start dropping heavy hints - our child needs a coat, I need to book a birthday party etc. Then see where it leads too. Sometimes young men just need to discover what they are good at.

Show quote history

And?? He can have coffee with women with babies. Show he's serious about parenting. It doesn't have to be coffee it could be these classes like OP is doing. It's not up to OP to entertain him. If he's serious about parenting he needs to realise being at home with a baby can be boring. I was so incredibly bored on my maternity leave.

1apenny2apenny · 05/10/2024 08:23

Presumably you're on maternity leave, what are you going to do when you go back to work. Perhaps he could be Sahd?

Hoppinggreen · 05/10/2024 08:24

Is there an actual point to him?

Original poster
Peachy0097 · 05/10/2024 08:24

1apenny2apenny · 05/10/2024 08:23

Presumably you're on maternity leave, what are you going to do when you go back to work. Perhaps he could be Sahd?

He wouldn't like this either, he would be bored with that. He actually does like working but can't seem to hold a job down for more than a few months

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 05/10/2024 08:28

1apenny2apenny · 05/10/2024 08:23

Presumably you're on maternity leave, what are you going to do when you go back to work. Perhaps he could be Sahd?

So the IP support him indefinitely. Have you read the OP's posts? Does that honestly sound like a good toning?

LochKatrine · 05/10/2024 08:29

Peachy0097 · 05/10/2024 08:24

He wouldn't like this either, he would be bored with that. He actually does like working but can't seem to hold a job down for more than a few months

Show quote history

He likes working, but can't manage a job?
Is this for real?

Haroldwilson · 05/10/2024 08:32

What kind of work does he do? Is he a tradie like builder etc? I can't imagine other jobs where you only last a few months but the work keeps coming.

He's wrong to expect entertainment but the problems are worse than that really. If I were you, I'd want to know what stops this situation from going on forever. Is there some trigger for him to grow up, move in with you, sort yourself out, or you to break up with him?

I guess for now you can drift along but you can't go on forever like this. You're basically living in the adult world and he's in the teenage world.

Original poster
Peachy0097 · 05/10/2024 08:34

LochKatrine · 05/10/2024 08:29

He likes working, but can't manage a job?
Is this for real?

Show quote history

Yes lol, he does genuinely like working

I can't call him lazy or a slob as he really isn't, he loves waking up going to work and having a routine

But if somthing in work annoys him he will make it clear.. and that's how he loses Jon's

He doesnt know how to bite his tongue

OP posts: