Would you be hurt?

[Pickingmyselfup]

So last year my husband got home from work on my birthday without even a card let alone anything else. He normally gets flowers and prosecco as a standard so when he couldn't even be bothered to get them I was like wtf. Then he goes to the shop and I asked him to pick me up some gin for the weekend...the next morning he hasn't even put it in the fridge or even taken it out of the shopping bag.

Huge argument and he says he will make more effort from then on.

Fast forward to 8 months later I send him a message and say this is what I would like you to buy me. Gave him all the details so he didn't even have to think about it, all he had to do was follow instructions.

Friday just gone I ask him if he has organised the present and he looks at me blankly and he's like you didn't tell me what you wanted and then tried to tell me I hadn't sent the message until I showed him the proof.

He ordered it in front of me but the standard shipping meant it wouldn't arrive until after my birthday. Ordinarily I wouldn't care but it felt a bit like a slap in the face because I had to remind him and the only reason I did was because I didn't want to end up disappointed again. As it happens it's arrived, he thinks I'm now overreacting because "he was going to order it this weekend anyway" yet he he couldn't remember what it was.

He's supposed to be booking us a night away for 2 weeks time, he hadn't organised anything last week so I was like why don't you want to organise anything with me then he's all like oh I thought we would do xyz.

Obviously a week later with 2 weeks to go nothing has yet been organised (definitely hasn't because he hasn't confirmed childcare with his mum which I told him to do) and he says I'm overreacting again, there is plenty of time blah blah blah.

I just feel like an afterthought, he isn't bothered enough about me to pull his finger out and organise stuff in good time. I book everything for us, organise all the childcare with our parents and I freely admit I'm a control freak and can get on his case a bit but I left it in charge of this because if it doesn't go ahead then it's just a disappointment, we don't lose money or anything.

I just feel like what's the point, I now don't want to go because I feel like he's being forced into it.

Some threads on here suddenly just go weird from the start. I've read hundreds of times that husbands should make efforts to corral the children to do a Mother's Day gift, Xmas presents, birthdays, if DW would like them and it's important to her and she has clearly asked.

Why is this one different? OP has been called a control freak and told that men don't communicate, and she should let things go, read Surrendered Wife etc etc... Where are the clear comments saying that he needed to have a plan to give her a gift or do a weekend away, if that's what's been agreed?

Yes OP you are stepping in a tiny bit early to "rescue" him and you probably need to let him fail so you know if this is an effort he's prepared to make. You're not wrong to expect him to do these things.

Would you be hurt? Oh my goodness give yourself a serious talking to and work out what really matters. A birthday is one of 365 days in the year. What happens on all of them. Do you feel to be as entitled as you sound?

Well yes, it's one day of the year when I feel if someone wants to celebrate then they absolutely should!

Fair enough if you don't but you don't get to say if other people should want a celebration.

I've expressed my feelings several times and they didn't get listened to so 🤷

I get that some people don't do birthdays but I do and I think that's absolutely fair enough.

Plus it wasn't just the birthday but the reluctance to spend time with me.

Seems to have been resolved for now though so no need for the thread anymore.

Thanks for those who have inputted.

It was actually a lovely day, I spent it doing exactly what I needed to which was not a lot!

They got me some very "me" presents which actually shows that my husband does pay attention and he cooked a proper dinner for the first time in our 18 year relationship!

That's the thing, I don't want a huge amount of stuff but just little things that show he does think of me.

I didn't order him to buy it, I asked if I could have it as a birthday present and yes it did.

I’m with you OP.
It’s the one day your OH should make a fuss of you. He’s falling very short and it isn’t OK.

💐

So here is what happened...

A few months ago I saw a post advertising something on Facebook and thought oh I would like one of those, maybe I can get it for a birthday present.

Thus I asked my husband if he could get it for me and then I sent him all the details because it was very specific. He needed to know the races I have taken part in so far and the dates and I did them otherwise it wouldn't be specific to me which is the whole point.

Exactly what I would do if my mum asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I would send the link and give her all the details she needed.

It's perfectly normal amongst everyone I know and he was absolutely fine with agreeing to it. What the issue was that he had forgotten he had agreed to get me it until I reminded him.