Husband downloaded "casual meetups" app

[ghastly01]

Been having marriage troubles for a while. Two young kids, overworked mum, husband who wants more sex than I want. That's the rough story.

I found out today that he has downloaded a "casual meetups" dating app and had a good browse. Apparently seen some women he "liked the look of" and gifted a few items on the app.

I've royally got the ick. Would you bring it up with him straight away? I don't even know where to start.

Sorry your going through this, how do you know he has the app? Can you monitor it at all or see any messages?

Do you want to stay with him?

Gifted items? Virtual or a new car??

These men wtaf

The way I know he has it is I came across a message board where he had posted, spotted his regular username so then I searched it (perhaps this was not a good idea) and found a post of a review of this app. Pure dating app I think it was called?
Also found all his posts moaning about me and the lack of sex in our marriage saying things like he craves attention and is desperate for someone to speak dirty to him.

Honestly I am not sure, I assume virtual because we are very poor 😞

Sending hugs, that is awful 😢

Well he is cheating on you. And at the very least spending money on other women. As well as bad mouthing you.
Yes I would speak to him about it.
I would also be considering my future with him after this betrayal.

I'm almost so livid I'm frozen.
We were on rocky ground before this and stupid me was actually considering giving him another chance.

Have you confronted him yet?

Not yet.

Do you know if he has met anyone?
This would be a deal breaker for me. He doesn't sound like he has much respect for you unfortunately if he's talking like that to other women. You are worth more than this! Take some time to process this, plan what you are going to say and talk to him - don't let him fob you off with lies/excuses. Hope you are ok, this will be a big shock x

Before confronting him can you try logging in to his account? Trying his username and a pw he might use. Then you could see if he was messaging and arranging to meet anyone. Although, given he's on there, I think it's obvious really he would have been messaging people isn't it. It's nice to see it in black and white though so he can't lie he was only looking. Also, I doubt this is the only hook up profile he has, it's probably just the only one you've found. Sorry x

Sorry you are going through this. I'd definitely bring it up and possibly say goodbye. Shows a massive lack of respect and I'd consider it cheating. I know as you've said you aren't well off. I left my partner due to him putting another woman ahead of me and my feelings. I have 3 kids/disabled and he would tell me I'll never find someone who will take me. Turns out he was wrong/so wrong. I was never short of offers prior to meeting my new partner. You can do better and do deserve better x sending all the love and luck X

Ok
What advice would you give your daughter if this was happening to her.
Now take the same advice yourself and you have found the solution.

That is total disrespect to you and I would leave him asap.

He'd be out the door. He is actively looking for someone, you don't go on those apps for no reason! I'm so sorry, even the things he has said with out the rest is bad enough.

Maybe he should pull his finger out and help you instead of spending time looking for women then you'd have a bit more respect for him and a bit more energy.

I would screen shot everything because if he gets wind you know, he might delete, but tbh he's not been very sly has he, using a name he always uses.

Get your affairs in order like money etc, because if you have it out with him, he could start clearing accounts etc, but deffo speak with him. Pick your time x

Sounds typically selfish 'poor me' syndrome. Definitely challenge him. Does he think you have to take care of house home kids him being the biggest. I would casually say do you think it would be a good idea fir me to join this app? Or actually join it and let him find you. That would give him something yo think about. Alternatively revenge can be draining. Pack his stuff in black bags change the locks throw him out.

Leave him, total disrespect, he’s pining for sex with other woman and discussing you with them! Disgusting

So sorry OP this must feel like a horrible shock 😔 he's obviously looking to cheat and if I were you I'd be making plans to split. At least you've been given a heads up so you can make plans, get legal advice and get your financial stuff in order before you confront him.

Why not set up your own account and start chatting him up.

All you got was the ick ? Really ? That’s an understatement. I’d be gone

Make an account on the app yourself & message him! What Knob.

I'd leave him. If he hasn't cheated on you he will do. Can you get past cheating?

I'd be tempted to join send him a message and then meet up...shock surprise it's me!!

What is it with men? They're so obsessed with other women. Why don't they just be single, why get involved with a relationship?
No advice here, you've got to decide for yourself what you want to do. However, he has cheated.

Do you know how to make a PDF of an internet website instead of printing it out?

On a Mac: file, print, destination. Under there you may be able to change it to PDF. Then save it to your desktop.

PDF all the messages you find under his regular username.

Email them to yourself. Set up a new gmail account that he doesn't know the username for and make sure the password is something he would never guess.

Then go to other forums he also uses and anything that would identify him as being the same person in court, i.e. if he mentions your home town, your girl age 6 and boy age 10. PDF yourself some of those messages too.

Delete PDFs from desktop, delete PDFs from your Recycling Bin.

Then lawyer up and get him the fuck out of your life.