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Original poster

Husband downloaded "casual meetups" app

61 replies

ghastly01 · 03/10/2024 16:07

Been having marriage troubles for a while. Two young kids, overworked mum, husband who wants more sex than I want. That's the rough story.

I found out today that he has downloaded a "casual meetups" dating app and had a good browse. Apparently seen some women he "liked the look of" and gifted a few items on the app.

I've royally got the ick. Would you bring it up with him straight away? I don't even know where to start.

OP posts:
GreenFields07 · 09/10/2024 14:19

So sorry OP. I personally think this would be unforgivable in my relationship, id class it as cheating. But we all have our own boundaries. What are yours?
This isnt some random porn site hes using for abit of fantasy and a wank. I dont know the app but sounds like hes actively looking for someone to meet up with, maybe he already has?
The things hes said about you would be enough for me to leave. Totally disrespectful and doesn't give a shit about your relationship. Its always the womans fault, she's stopped giving me sex, blah blah blah. No accountability for their part and why you may not want to have sex with him.
Id have a serious think about what you want to do, do you want to stay with someone like this? Obviously you need to confront him even if you decide to stay. He needs to know that you wont accept being treated like this. If you leave, which I would advise, then good luck and I hope you find someone who treats you how you deserve.

Griff1963 · 09/10/2024 14:21

Get your exit strategy all worked out before you confront him, the relationship is broken!

rainydays03 · 09/10/2024 14:23

Pinkchicken75 · 09/10/2024 14:06

Make an account on the app yourself & message him! What Knob.

Absolutely do this!!! Then he can’t even deny it!

Oh you don’t get enough sex, boo fucking hoo, try birthing 2 kids and sacrificing your whole body, mind and life for them. What a dick, sorry OP you deserve better x

1HappyTraveller · 09/10/2024 14:31

Tell him to F* off.

Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking this isn’t cheating.

YouveGotAFastCar · 09/10/2024 14:43

Oh grim.

If anything was going to make me never have sex with him again, it'd be this...

babyproblems · 09/10/2024 14:43

God he sounds like a complete twat and how predictable of him. Really op you deserve better. I agree with pp I would be collecting as much evidence as I could, seeing if I could log in or download the app myself and log in with his info and then seeing what I find. He clearly has no respect for you or your kids based on what he has written on the forums. That is bad enough let alone the cheating, emotional definitely and potentially physical.
i would spend some time gathering evidence and then working out how I could manage without him and then confronting him. What a scum bag. Sending you strength xz

waterrat · 09/10/2024 14:50

the ick??? that's a bit low key isn't it?! the marriage would be over for me

BaconMassive · 09/10/2024 15:00

I imagine what happened is he dropped his phone on the floor and the jolt made the app download and then when he picked it up he accidentally pressed the fingerprint recognition and it accidentally logged him in and handed out loads of gifts.

Emptyandsad · 09/10/2024 15:06

ghastly01 · 03/10/2024 16:22

The way I know he has it is I came across a message board where he had posted, spotted his regular username so then I searched it (perhaps this was not a good idea) and found a post of a review of this app. Pure dating app I think it was called?
Also found all his posts moaning about me and the lack of sex in our marriage saying things like he craves attention and is desperate for someone to speak dirty to him.

I would talk dirty to him! Tell him to get fucked...

Mrsgreen100 · 09/10/2024 15:07

Empty any joint accounts!!
and Chuck him out

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 09/10/2024 15:11

Why any woman with any sense, who wasn’t being paid, would find him attractive and have a desire to talk dirty to him I have no idea. He sounds absolutely desperate and pathetic.
So sorry you are going through this.
I know you mention finances are a real challenge. Please check out how things stand because you will need to know if this relationship is now done for you.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 09/10/2024 15:18

ghastly01 · 03/10/2024 16:22

The way I know he has it is I came across a message board where he had posted, spotted his regular username so then I searched it (perhaps this was not a good idea) and found a post of a review of this app. Pure dating app I think it was called?
Also found all his posts moaning about me and the lack of sex in our marriage saying things like he craves attention and is desperate for someone to speak dirty to him.

I’d willingly speak dirty to him. Is ‘fuck off you cunt’ dirty enough?

Secondwifenotsecondbest · 09/10/2024 15:27

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 09/10/2024 15:18

I’d willingly speak dirty to him. Is ‘fuck off you cunt’ dirty enough?

Show quote history

😂appledumplingwithcustard you nailed it!

Devon23 · 09/10/2024 15:33

Get your finances in order, and then kick him to the kerb. Men like that always cheat and blame the women. You deserve better.

sorrythetruthhurts · 09/10/2024 16:28

ghastly01 · 03/10/2024 16:23

Honestly I am not sure, I assume virtual because we are very poor 😞

Show quote history

Googled it and sounds like real money is involved.

"Pure requires a monthly subscription to access the platform. You can cancel the automatically renewed subscription at any time. You will retain access to Pure for the remaining days you have paid for, but the subscription won't renew once it expires. You can resubscribe whenever you wish.

In addition to the subscription, Pure offers in-app purchases for features like Hats, Crowns, Gifts, Instant Chats, and Chips."

Apparently Gifts are a way to send images and audio too...

Edit:

Doesn't sound cheap either.

"The Pure dating app offers in-app purchases that range from £1.99 to £24.99 per item. Some of the in-app purchases include:

  • Pure Membership, Weekly: $13.49
  • Compliment bundle (5 items): $11.99
  • Monthly Membership: $29.99

Some users have reported poor customer care and being refused refunds for in-app purchases"

Hydenseek78 · 09/10/2024 16:46

I would print off everything you've found twice, one copy for you and one for him, pack up his shit into black bags, have kids stay with a family memeber or friend, phone on record ready for when he gets home. Once he gets home say you want someone to talk dirty to you, Hears you go, I know everything, your bags are packed so you fuck off to your online women, you have to pay to even speak to you, you dirty cheating cunt, I'm done, we're done. I dont want excuses or a sob story, If getting your dick wet it more important than our family then off you pop as it's not that big anyway. Men like him will never change. You deserve so much better.

AW24 · 09/10/2024 17:18

I couldn't forgive it. What's next? There will always be something more he's looking for.

caringcarer · 09/10/2024 17:49

It would be the end for me. I wouldn't tolerate it.

twentysevendresses · 09/10/2024 17:54

Jesus! WTAF is wrong with fucking men??? 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 Christ they are abysmal sometimes!

Sort yourself out first OP (financially) and then tell him to sling his rotten fucking hook! Dirty bastard!

EPN · 09/10/2024 20:15

What a fucking knob jockey!!! Are we allowed to say that on here. Why are there so many utterly selfish juvenile inadequate fucking poxy dickhead men in the world. Yeah make sure you have evidence he can't deny. Be ready for him to blame you. But walk away from this sorry excuse for a man. Sorry you met this guy. Dont let him use your anger against you, cos he will try to play the victim. They always do Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life to help you calm down and deal with it xxx

DaringFawn · 09/10/2024 23:30

If you go on a site called cheaterbuster.net type in partners name age location and a picture of him it will scan every dating website he's on and your be able to see them all it is a legitimate site you do have to pay for 1 search its like 19 pound but in that 1 search your be able to see every site he's on and when he was on last. Hope this helps. It is legitimate

EPN · 09/10/2024 23:44

rainydays03 · 09/10/2024 14:23

Absolutely do this!!! Then he can’t even deny it!

Oh you don’t get enough sex, boo fucking hoo, try birthing 2 kids and sacrificing your whole body, mind and life for them. What a dick, sorry OP you deserve better x

Show quote history

Yeah and why do men think that sorry ass men who complain the kids are getting more attention and start sabotaging the family unit are gonna be found remotely sexy by the woman doing all the fucking work!!!

Copperoliverbear · 10/10/2024 00:10

I'd pack his bags and leave them at the door for him, when he came home he'd be told to get them and go.

PumpyUmpyUmpkin · 10/10/2024 06:17

DaringFawn · 09/10/2024 23:30

If you go on a site called cheaterbuster.net type in partners name age location and a picture of him it will scan every dating website he's on and your be able to see them all it is a legitimate site you do have to pay for 1 search its like 19 pound but in that 1 search your be able to see every site he's on and when he was on last. Hope this helps. It is legitimate

Helpful if the cheater uses the correct info. But when I found my H had a hidden phone, linked to every dating app under the sun, they were all under different names/ ages were a few years younger etc so I don't think it would work if he's extra sly and doesn't use the right information. Unless it can work by the picture only.

MadRapper · 10/10/2024 07:24

From a guys perspective if he's already gone through the motions then he's gonna cheat on you. If you wanna be in a relationship with him then don't bring it up. But me I'd dump his ass. I'm in a marriage where my wife wants sex more than I do and if i caught her on dating app that'd be the end of it