Would this bother you?

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Will keep this brief 🤞🏻

I have a small group of friends (there's 5 of us in total). We have known each other for around 4 or 5 years.

We all used to met up with each other on a fairly ad hoc basis but it was tricky so we recently (a couple of months ago) decided to formalise the meet up a bit. We now have one evening a week where we meet in a local pub.

It's not a big night and everyone drives so we meet around 6-8pm it's pretty loose, everyone has a drink, stays as long as they can and then goes home to do family stuff.

A few weeks ago, my husband came to pick me up (I'm without a car at the moment) and we hadn't quite finished so he sat with us for about 20 mins before we left.

Every week since, one particular woman has asked if he's coming and told me to tell him to get there earlier so he can join us properly.

He hasn't and still arrives 20 mins before we leave and chats with all of them. But I've noticed that, over the past 3 weeks, she will ask about him beforehand, save a space next to her for him, is always very pleased to see him, is quite tactile with him and has made more of an effort with her appearance than she normally does.

Last week, he was later arriving and didn't get there until nearly 8. She never stays beyond that (a couple of us linger for a bit longer sometimes) but she stayed another half hour and then hugged him and told him how lovely it had been to see him again and spend a bit longer talking.

I don't know if he's noticed this but ignores it if he has and always respnds appropriately. I'm possibly more aware of it because she has a particular characteristic that I know he finds attractive and so, if he were to be attracted to any of them, it would be her.

I must admit, I do feel a bit uncomfortable with it.

I'm also not feeling all that great about myself at the moment.

I hope you are not walking home in a dark after pub!

Reading that he's one of those lucky people that everyone warms to, it could be she's just being friendly and try to be incusuve. On the other hand, doesn't explain why she's been dolling herself up...

It sounds like you and this lady are acquaintances/pub mates as opposed to close friends. So she might be the sort to ignore your boundaries. I definitely have acquaintances that are more friends of friends - we get on, but we wouldn’t be friends if not for the others.

I understand the others might not want to get involved, do you think any of them have noticed her actions though? Are you close enough to any of the others to see what they think?

I get that you feel you’re in a bit of a slump, but tell yourself that you’ll basically be doing the same thing with your husband that you would have done with your friends. Getting out of the house, have a chat, something to eat/drink and go home together. It doesn’t have to be a full blown hot date night. Just a change of company from your original plans.

Honestly the date night is the best idea. Get yourself out of this cycle. It doesn’t sound like you have dc so I would just do this and sometimes miss these pub nights tbh. Might do you some good to get your confidence back and pull you out of the slump.

I think you are right to nip it in the bud. Agree with posters saying don't say anything to him regarding her. Doing date nights, and him not coming in to pick you up, sounds like a plan.

She is clearly flirting, I've had a best friend of many years do this to me, openly in front of me. Incredibly hurtful. I went NC with her.

And this woman is not even a good friend of yours, so all the more reason to focus on yourself and you relationship. Also try and do things that focus on you and make you feel better. Less of these pub nights, and definitely make your own way back (if you can) or you go out to car to meet him.

Wow, I'd be so tempted to tell her keep her mitts off! This is no friend.

Are they “friends” on social media?

This would infuriate me. It is really disrespectful - and rather pathetic.

I am sorry you are not feeling too good about yourself. Certainly this sort of behaviour does not help.

From what you say, your husband has no interest in this woman whatsoever but I can quite understand it being unpleasant for you. Perhaps he could wait outside when he picks you up and you can make sure to be ready to leave immediately. That should put a stop to it.

If this was a friend of mine I'd ask her outright in a jokey way if she has a crush on him. Then I would tell her in no uncertain terms to back off and find her own man. It's completely disrespectful and out of order. She is making a play for your partner subtly and doesn't appear to care whether you realise or not. Totally out of order, yes you could say its up to your man to be faithful to you and for him to ignore her, but the fact she knows he is with you but does it anyway is just hard faced. Put her straight and nip it in the bud x

First of all, men either pretend not to see this or are really dumb to it. I had a similar situation years ago where we had this woman working with us and she exhibited this behavior and she had the gall to tell me, “He must be fun to cuddle up in bed with”. That did it, she sealed her fate and got canned.

Everyone is saying to have a word with the hubby, no one has said have a word with your friend because a true friend wouldn't make you uncomfortable.

I think if it was me (so not necessarily the right thing to do lol) I would make a joke out of her saving him a seat and liking him more than you or something just to gauge her reaction. If she said oh but I love to hear about xxx straight away maybe there is a innocent reason. If she looks arkward or gets defensive or anything, maybe she is flirting?

See what others think. Just I think that's what I would do in addition to asking him to sit next to you.

Put much better than I did! 100% this!

I agree call out your friend in a loud jokey way. “OMG friend do you fancy my DH?! Sit down! You are showing yourself up!” Haha haha etc..
or “oí missus - hands off - he’s my husband ha ha haha”
good luck.

Wow, what did you reply to her?

she caught me by surprise. I didn’t say anything but she was let go shortly after. I saw a lot of signs that she was

Rikitiki78

Wow. i think that someone got a little too comfortable, didn't they? What a thing to say!! I'm glad you got rid.

I've thought about this a couple of times this week. I didn't go in the end this week. I haven't really thought about next week yet. I'd get a taxi home (it's 10 mins in the car but an hours walk away so I wouldn't contemplate that.)

I know everyone thinks their husband wouldn't cheat but I'm as confident as I could be that he wouldn't. He's friendly with everyone but not flirty and I've never seen him behave inappropriately. So, even if he fancied her a bit too, he wouldn't do anything. I'm confident about that. But I also think that if someone is going to, that's on them, and so it's not worth worrying about without good reason.

And, no, they're not friends on SM.

It's after work drinks so she isn't glammed up but I've just noticed that she makes more of an effort to look 'attractive' now. She's just put together more 'thoughtfully' I suppose. Like she hasn't just thrown on the nearest thing that day and has done her hair. I can't really explain. It is noticeable though.

I spoke with her earlier this week (via text) but I do feel a bit differently towards her now. So I'm not sure how I feel about joining the group in the future. It just feels a bit different.

I also wondered if she's being flirty with him because he feels safe because he's married. Like it's a safe way to flirt when you're married because no.ones going to expect it to go anywhere and it doesn't mean anything other than you've found a bit of a connection with someone and it's just nice to be a bit flirty sometimes.

Either way, I'll change things going forward.

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts and advice. It helps to hear other people's perspective.

You can't allow her to dictate your friendship group though, push you out.

Just stop DH coming in, perhaps mention he felt a bit uncomfortable while looking at her...

If you enjoy these after work pub meet ups then I don't think you should stop going to them. You seem confident that your husband wouldn't cheat and he might not even think anything of her being a bit touchy feely, so I'd carry on as you were. Maybe sit next to her to piss her off!

She clearly likes your husband and is a bit of an obvious flirt but l wouldn't worry as your husband seems oblivious.
I wouldnt mention it to him as it's your friends problem not his.Sorry if l've missed it but does she have a partner?
I wouldn't drop out of the group because of this but maybe only go when you feel like it if you are feelinga bit low. Then either get a cab home or leave 10 mins early so its not worth him coming in.
lf she comments just say you have plans that evening and let her think what she likes!
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