Would this bother you?

[MmPlumPorter]

Will keep this brief 🤞🏻

I have a small group of friends (there's 5 of us in total). We have known each other for around 4 or 5 years.

We all used to met up with each other on a fairly ad hoc basis but it was tricky so we recently (a couple of months ago) decided to formalise the meet up a bit. We now have one evening a week where we meet in a local pub.

It's not a big night and everyone drives so we meet around 6-8pm it's pretty loose, everyone has a drink, stays as long as they can and then goes home to do family stuff.

A few weeks ago, my husband came to pick me up (I'm without a car at the moment) and we hadn't quite finished so he sat with us for about 20 mins before we left.

Every week since, one particular woman has asked if he's coming and told me to tell him to get there earlier so he can join us properly.

He hasn't and still arrives 20 mins before we leave and chats with all of them. But I've noticed that, over the past 3 weeks, she will ask about him beforehand, save a space next to her for him, is always very pleased to see him, is quite tactile with him and has made more of an effort with her appearance than she normally does.

Last week, he was later arriving and didn't get there until nearly 8. She never stays beyond that (a couple of us linger for a bit longer sometimes) but she stayed another half hour and then hugged him and told him how lovely it had been to see him again and spend a bit longer talking.

I don't know if he's noticed this but ignores it if he has and always respnds appropriately. I'm possibly more aware of it because she has a particular characteristic that I know he finds attractive and so, if he were to be attracted to any of them, it would be her.

I must admit, I do feel a bit uncomfortable with it.

I'm also not feeling all that great about myself at the moment.

1. Do not mention it to your husband. Men are oblivious in the main to things like this. You don't want him to suddenly be aware he has an admirer!
2. Get DH to wait in the car outside
3. When this women finally mentions she hasn't seen him for a few weeks (which she will), I'd mention to her and say something like, You have an unhealthy interest with him, whats your problem. Embarrass her.

It does seem odd he's coming in. Nip it in the bud both ways.

@isItgreenerontheotherside you don't have to quote the whole of the OP when responding to it, especially if you're the first.

@MmPlumPorter I'd just ask your husband if possible to get there at say 8.10pm and then leave with him straightaway, after talking it over with him. She sounds completely cringe. Unfortunately there are some women who seem to love this sort of shit.

Or preferably wait in the bloody car! Bit weird he wants to see your friends.

I would find this irritating. It’s not that she fancies your husband, it’s the disrespect she is showing you and your marriage.

I would make a few pointed comments, so she knows you are aware and won’t tolerate it. Things like, “there’s no need to leave a seat beside you for my husband, he would obviously prefer to sit with me”, or you could say he doesn’t come earlier because he finds her chat tedious and his favour to you only stretches so far.

I definitely couldn’t sit there and say nothing!

I once saw someone say "For gods sake - put him down, you don't know where he's been". It brought the unwanted behaviour to an abrupt halt and made the others aware of it

Please don’t do this 😂

Some people on here are so immature!

My DP and I wouldn’t go in if we were picking eachother up from somewhere. Just do that. If she asks where he is, say he’s busy

what characteristic about her does he find attractive?

sorry just being nosy.

Perhaps she’s just digging you out about the fact your husband always comes in and kills the dynamic before the evening is over. Why doesn’t he just wait for you in the car for you?

Ask DH to pick you up at 8ish and say you’ll come out to the car. Then just say bye and leave quickly each time. It’s odd and inappropriate behaviour from your “friend”.

I thought that.

It would get on my tits if my ladies night kept getting gatecrashed by a husband!

I think he is doing it deliberately. Controlling and keeping you in your place as heknows you are insecure.He knows the woman fancies him.

Men like this, well, it is all about them.

I've watched amused by how many women have had a crush or flirted with my DH over the years - I never felt threatened or worried, honestly most of the time he's completely oblivious! He's big and handsome and very kind and funny so it's not surprising that other women notice 😂

If you're secure in your relationship, I wouldn't let this bother you OP. Just carry on as normal or gently tease her if she asks if he's coming - 'Anyone would think you've got a big old crush on him Cathy!'

True. He might just think she's just an over the top extrovert who's like that with everyone / being friendly. Don't plant the seed in his head that she fancies him just pull her up on it alone. It might go straight to his head and he will start enjoying the attention more, knowing it's more sinister on her part and who knows where it will lead. Rather, try to put him off her as PP suggested. Miss a week of the gathering and tell him you're all not attending as "friends" incontinence has flared up and she can't stop shitting her pants. "Friend" also had to get her reoccurring genital warts frozen off again and not feeling up to it, so you're all giving it a miss this week and won't need picking up. Just keep on telling him disgusting things about her 😂

what is your main concern? If it’s them developing a romantic relationship then you can’t really avoid that - you can try to de-escalate, ie he waits outside to pick you up or you get a taxi home to avoid them crossing paths. I’m not sure if having a word with him at this stage makes sense, because he hasn’t done anything wrong and if you make him feel like he is then it could weirdly, send him into her lap. In terms of her, just change the subject whenever he is mentioned in conversation and don’t engage with it. But again, if they’re that way inclined, I’m not sure you can stop them from having an affair

You can’t stop other people fancying your husband. If you think she’s taking it too far, being too tactile etc you could have a quiet word that you think she is being little inappropriate. But really I think I’d just ignore her. Other people will think she’s a bit pathetic and clearly your OH isn’t phased nor is reciprocating.

I was wondering this too. The most obvious thing would be big boobs, of course.

I reckon it’s blonde hair

FGS you didn't need to quote the whole OP.
Yours was literally the first comment.

Isn't she just being friendly? Its nice to change the dynamics and she obviously enjoys his company.

You are there.... its unlikely shes interested in him

When she's flirting/making room next to her catch her eye and laugh

OK.

The group isn't all female. There's one male.

The characteristic isn't appearance based.

He isn't "rilly, rilly good looking" 😅 but he is one of those people that others warm to easily. He's just one of those people that people like.

I'm still going this week but I'll just make my own way home. That will avoid any questions about why he's waiting in the car.

I'm not going to say anything to anyone. I just wondered whether others would pick up on this and also think it was odd.

No, I don't think he'd have an affair with her!

I think it just bothers me that she'd be so obvious (in my eyes). Like I'm not deserving of loyalty or that I could be worth so little that she thought he would engage.

To some people, 4/5 years of friendship may not warrant loyalty. She might not see you in the same way as you see her (someone to not overstep boundaries with) as she might do with a childhood friend for example. (Or maybe she just has different morals with everyone and the length of friendship isn’t relevant!)

Why don’t you give the evening at the pub a miss this week and have a date night with your husband instead?

Ultimately if you think someone is being disrespectful towards you, then it makes sense to take a step back from the friendship. What do your other friends think, have they commented or noticed this? I actually think the easiest way out of your problem is if one of your friends jokingly called her out.

Waiting9

You might have a point about the loyalty thing. I suppose I don't really know her that well. I just know that I wouldn't do it.

actually think the easiest way out of your problem is if one of your friends jokingly called her out.

I don't suppose anyone else would say anything. People don't like to get involved.

Maybe I'll suggest to him that we have a date night instead. I'm just finding even that hard at the moment. I'm in a bit of a slump if I'm honest.