Buying my own engagement ring …

[CJ98]

My boyfriend of two years has recently been hinting that he’s going to propose me and when I asked him what kind of ring he would propose to me with he chose a ring that was completely not my style. I told him I didn’t love the ring when looking online & when he’s asked what ring I would like I haven’t told him as I feel bad. He’s not great with saving money and I know that the ring I absolutely love is extremely expensive and something he wouldn’t be able to afford however I have enough savings to be able to buy the ring & would be more than happy to spend that amount of money on a ring I would absolutely love. Would it be wrong of me to buy my own engagement ring ? I am extremely grateful for the fact he’s still working and providing for us as a family & I know he’d have worked hard for the ring. I just don’t want him to feel like I’m not appreciative of the ring he’d choose if he had the option. I just don’t know how to go about showing him the style of ring I like without him thinking I want the most expensive ring.

Be careful not to emasculate him... It's not really about the ring after all (or shouldn't be). Show him the style you like then let him pick you one, you don't want to come across like a control freak

It’s the sentiment surrounding the ring that counts and the marriage afterwards. Compromise and find a cheaper version that your boyfriend can afford

I've already bought mine, and partner knows.

Has he proposed?

Yes, his masculinity is much the most important thing here. 🙄

No matter how much you want this ring and I sympathise, you simply cannot buy your own ring. Choose a ring together within his budget.

It's not something I would do. I think it's fine to not want the one that isn't your style but buying your own much more expensive ring is just a bit strange I think.

Buy a ring if you want a ring. But it's not your engagement ring.

Have a chat together about whether you'd both like to get married.

Then if you're in agreement, and you also agree that you wearing an engagement ring as a sign of your commitment is something you'd both like, then go and choose one together. Decide between you who will pay.

If I was working to provide for my family and didn't have much left to spare (as you've insinuated yours partner is) and my husband had plenty of savings but rather than use it for something for the family (even a trip together) but on something expensive for himself it wouldn't feel like much of a partnership and to me that's what marriage is about.
Choose a ring that's within your family budget.

I’m buying mine.

We chose together. Joint finances though as we already had DC. Could that be a compromise?

I find this so strange. The end goal is a happy marriage not a rock on your finger.

Is the issue you don’t want to for ever wear something you don’t love, or alternatively or that you see this as a chance to get the mega rock you’ve always dreamed of and don’t want him cramping your style?

The easy solution to the first is to be direct, and say you like to choose your own jrwllwry and frequently dislike things others pick for you (or just suck it up because he has chosen something he genuinely thinks you’d like)

if it’s all about the ring again… just be direct. You like this one from this jewellers etc.

Chose a ring you like, I hated mine, and never wear it.
We looked at rings together then he chose something entirely different, probably due to the budget at the time.
I don’t wear my wedding ring either as he doesn’t wear his.

But I do have other rings, that I wear.

Have a proper discussion about finances and what he or you could spend on a ring. As a proposal and the cost of the ring are 2 separate things. Unless you have disposable income which by your posts doesn't sound like he has.
If he wants to propose then he should. Doesn't matter if he proposes with a jelly haribo sweet as its the meaning behind it that should be important. And if you are ok with that then go for it.
If you have a specific ring in mind then that should not be an issue as you are the one who has to wear it (for the rest of your life) but if he can't afford it then yes buy it yourself or help to buy.
Too much is focused on the cost of a ring rather than the sentiment and meaning of it. If he is a good DH and you know he isn't pissing money elsewhere and he genuinely can't pay for the ring you want but he is the person you want as your husband then go and buy it yourself. Though hopefully he can still do a lovely proposal and make you feel like the richest woman alive.

I bought my own. Dh's ego seems to have survived it

An engagement ring is a gift. In his place I’d feel very upset if you bought your own. Other jewellery yes ok, but not an engagement ring. Can’t you find a simple but lovely one that he can afford?

A ring you buy yourself is just a ring. It doesn’t signify anything about an engagement.

If by "buying" you mean choose your own ring, then that's the traditional way of doing it. You choose; he pays.

This idea that the man turns up with a ring he's already bought, that the woman has never seen before, is imported from the US and is a damn silly custom.

Do it the traditional way. Go to the jewellers together, you select, he puts the cash/card down.

Job done and everyone's happy.

If you mean you pay for the ring, that's OK too. My DW chose and paid for her own ring as when we got married every penny I had was in the deposit for our house. We selected it together though. It's never been "just a ring".

I can almost guarantee if you had a look you would find a cheaper version, unless it's a certain brand that you are after! If you are hell bent on the exact ring you have chosen, would you suggest him picking a "proposal ring" worth a few hundred and then you could perhaps buy the ring you want after?

I’d buy a cheaper ring and keep your savings unless you’ll have plenty left over after buying the ring. I had a pretty but inexpensive engagement. ring as DH didn’t have alot of spare cash (nor did I). He bought me a beautiful eternity ring for our 14th wedding anniversary as he could afford it then. I tend to wear that more than my engagement ring now.

Ultimately it’s your money. You can do what you want.
I wouldn’t though. We struggle with money and I don’t want much money being spent on a ring for me (DP has actually told me to choose one lol), but we don’t have much money therefore to get married we’d need some and we want to move into a house from a flat in the next few years so personally I can’t see why you’d spend a fortune on a ring

Yes I chose my own ring.

The question he asks is about marriage, a ring can be chosen together.

Engagement rings are a relatively new thing.

I wasn't going to bother to be honest - but then I saw a dress ring for £30 which I loved and bought.

To me - the wedding ring is the one to splash out on - not the engagement ring.

Ours were custom made by Jason of England ❤️

Honestly you just cant buy your own ring.

Can you compromise and either get lab diamonds or moisanite instead?

i bought a replacement for mine... my first one, we didn't have a lot of money and i settled on something cheap. after losing a lot of weight, i decided to buy myself a new one.. DH has no idea