Am I being controlling?

[Coz97]

So my partner and I have been having some arguments recently which mostly stem from his hobbies and how it takes time away from me.

We have a baby together and he's been great with looking after her while I go to work (we sort of work opposite shifts, I work part time) and doing a lot of the bed times etc.

However, his hobbies eat up A LOT of time. I know everyone should have hobbies and I wouldn't mind if it was 3 or 4 hours a week, something like that. But this is double digits. He goes out on a Monday for a few hours then usually 3 weeknights, sometimes for an hour and a half, sometimes 2 - 3 hours. He usually goes out on a Saturday or Sunday and this can vary from 4 - 6 hours. I feel like this is a lot?

My partner has accused me of trying to control his time and what he does. And tbh I'm not sure if I'm the problem now. I don't have many hobbies and it's hard because if I want to make time for hobbies then I have to do it when my partner is here and able to watch baby/put her to bed. Therefore, we'll end up having even less time together.

So am I the problem? My partner has made it very clear he's not going to cut back (he has already cut down) and he said he's sick of arguing. I don't know what to do..

Wow, it used to be you didn’t have to work at all until your kids were (i think) 12! But I suppose back then there was no funded childcare apart from the handful of hours a week for play school the term after they turned 3

I just wanted to share a little update. We are going to work on our relationship and I'm going to see how things go. I can't expect him to give up all of his hobbies (and I don't think that's healthy either) but he will be making efforts to cut down on some of the hobby time and make up for it when he does go out for a few hours. For instance, he's out a little bit more than week as a one-off, but he's said he will spend all of Saturday with me and we'll also go on a date (my choice), so that shows me that he is definitely trying. Obviously, I'm going to see how things go. If he takes a step back or we continue to argue, then I'll have to consider moving on. But we'll see! I'm trying to be hopeful because I love him and I love our family and I want things to work out. We've both been a bit rude to each other recently and we're activively trying to work on being kinder, more understanding and patient with one another.