Not attracted

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So my OH drops the bombshell whilst I'm talking about perimenopause symptoms that he no longer finds me attractive due to weight gain.

I am absolutely heartbroken and am now feeling more pressure to lose weight that just won't shift.

Our relationship has been toxic for a while and this feels like the last straw.

Just looking for a handhold and some strength to tell the nasty piece of work to shove it all.

Wow, how shallow is he? Surely his love for you is based around more than just your looks? Completely understand how you feel crushed. This says more about him and his pathetic shallow self than it does you.

He is ugly inside and nothing will change that. Whereas a few more curves can come and go and you will still be a beautiful person regardless. Stay strong.

It is a large amount of gain and I'm having tests to see why in a couple of weeks.

Yes can be careless with words on occasion however this time, The conversation went with him telling me that I need to understand that the menopause is not about me, but about how it affects him, and the he went on to say about not being attracted.

It is a bolt because sex life has always been active and that's not changed. Only last week he was complimenting on it. During this convo he said another impact on him was it was affecting our sex life. That's what has made this a huge surprise.

Yes, telling your partner you no longer find them attractive because they have gained some weight is a brutal damaging thing to do. Weight is something that people can gain or lose, to damage their confidence when they most likely need support the most (as they are probably more than aware of their weight gain) is cruel.

I need to understand that the menopause is not about me, but about how it affects him

Has he always been almost laughably selfish and self centred and entitled and lacking in empathy?

He can be incredibly self centred. The marriage has had a very rocky year for other reasons.

My peri symptoms are hot flushes and weight gain in the main and lack of oomph. No issues with moods or anger. I'm generally laid back.

Not mentioned health concerns at all. It is me that's mentioning the worry about impacting my health.

In the OPs words... "Toxic" relationship, "nasty piece of work". I don't know the individual, so can only comment on the one sided discussion here. However based on the view of the OP he doesn't seem to have redeeming features. And has behaved cruelly towards her. The OP offers no suggestions as to why he might legitimately behave that way towards her.

I’m stuck on him saying you need to understand that the menopause is about how it’s impacting him? Is that right? What the hell?

Dear God, what kind of person says this when the person they’re supposed to love is struggling with the menopause? He ignores your concerns about your health and tries to focus it all on his sex life?

That level of self centredness is off the scale.

Yes it was asked to focus on the menopause and its effect on him. I was told that this was not all about me and I was being selfish. This was in response to me trying to explain the effect peri has on women.

He thinks YOUR menopause is all about him?

Op, get rid, even when you lose the weight do you really think you'll be happy with this creature?

The only weight you need to lose is approximately 13 stone of DH.

Would you not feel the same if he gained a large amount of weight? It’s probably awful but at least he’s been honest.

I don't know if I'm angry or hurt right now. Keep going between the two. We're not even speaking at the moment. He said this morning that he had wanted sex but could not because of my situation and was unhappy. I had to explain that having a period (I'm on sequential HRT) is not a situation, it's something that every woman on the planet experiences. I then told him I'm sick of it all and to leave me alone. And that's where things are. I feel like I'm being asked to not be a normal person. Sounds insane but that's how I feel.

Yes I would as I'm past the age where looks are a high priority. That said, the way the relationship is at the moment he could lose 20 stone or gain 20 stone, this whole thing has changed my mindset anyway.

I’m sorry. You need to understand that the menopause is about how it affects him, and not about you?

What a cunt.

He still expects to have sex after that!?!? Wow, what a bellend!

Tell him to go find a man to have sex with, they don't have periods, should be happy with that.

What a fucking arsehole he is op, please leave him.