Would you leave your DH if you found out he'd had a fling?

[mummyjaguar]

Just wondered following on from other threads what most of us would do.

Yes.

One one night stand I might be able to move past (but that is a very questionable "might" as I already have big trust issues)

Anything more than that I wouldn't be able to stay with him, the trust would be completely destroyed and life without him would be better than a life of constant doubt.

big fat yes im a very insecure person and would never feel good about myself again

if i wasnt good enough for him to stay faithful then im not going to forgive or forget i should be good enough to stay faithful to or we'll all be at it wouldnt we with other people

i would always wonder in my mind was her body better than mine ooh doesnt bare thinking about i would be gone or should i say he would and itd be his own fault

infidelity is one of the things i have had to deal with many times and it nearly destroyed me with my ex dp i was young and naieve and didnt know any better and he didnt stop either any of the times he said hed never do it again

lesson learnt i would never trust again

ooo hecate...and i thought I was vengeful...

I was in this situation
always thought it would be cut & dry - ur unfaithful - leave

when I found out ex had been unfaithful, he seemed repentant & we tried or should I say, I tried to forgive but he wasnt really repentant & in the end I kicked him out.

couldnt trust him again

have a new DP & he knows that I wouldnt put up with unfaithfulness again.

I think I only tried cos of my children and in the end it wasnt a good enough reason.

depends on the length of time / level of deception and also how much I felt I was the reason for it. I had affair very early on in marriage but my husband was being a real 'git' at this time and no one could blame me. plus it was a fling. i wasnt in love.. It hadn't been going on for ages adn I'd finished it off my own back 12 months before he eventually found out about it.

My Dad has had 2 affairs, he is still married to my Mum they have had 40 years together.

If Dh cheated on me I would want to know, quickly, I would want to know alot of detail and he would have to talk to me about his feelings for the present and future. It is all very well saying whether I would want to be with him but having cheated, before I even think about what I want, I need to know what he wants.

There is no point me saying I would forgive him and we would be able to work through it if for him it is over.

The thing is you dont really know what you'll do till it hapens. my husband always said he'd def leave me - then he didint. He realised that the fling was a symptom of thing wrong with our relationship.

I'm in the 'don't know' camp - for me it's one of those many life situations where determining the right thing to do would only be possible in the context of the full information present and available to me at the time.

to me,thats like asking 'would you leave your dh if he hit you?'.i imagine its impossible to know what you would do unless it's actually happened to you.

no i wouldn't - it'd ruin my life if i left - i've risen from slum dweller to comfortable in a nice house with no money worries - i wouldn't throw that away.

As a slum dweller, I had nothing to lose . I always said if he had an affair he would be out. He had several, in my opinion, but always covered them up by declaring me mentally unfit to know my arse from my elbow (the old "you're paranoid" routine). When I did find real evidence, he was out. It is singularly the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. It broke me.

I forgave him the first one and he said he'd try again - but in reality he never stopped and I've just been served with divorce papers today - lovely thing to receive in the mail. He's already one woman no.2.

Would I forgive someone another time - absolutely NOT.

sorry to hear that alipiggie hope you are ok and stay strong x

pheebe, it's best to make sure they're ever so slightly scared of you... Remarks like, "That's fine dear, don't worry about it. [quietly]-You have to sleep eventually." really focus a man's mind

i think it's true to say that most women forgive their man a fling or even an affair. I think it is also true to say that most men would not forgive their woman.

I would have to say it would definitely be over.

I have in the past stayed with men who have cheated on me.

It was never just once and I never truly forgave them or trusted them again.

Living like that is heartbreakingly miserable and I will never put myself through that again.

I left him.

I sometimes think about it like this. If your DP had a fling, you'd think it was a nightmare. Over. Out. But is there hope?
If DP had an affair (emotions/long-term etc..) and wanted to leave you and kids and therefore your financial/emotional security etc.. was all going down the pan, might you not be thinking, "if only it had just been a fling? Then we might be still safe" dunno, just a thought.

Clam, I wish my h had just had a fling. I could have dealt with that alot better. It is the emotional attachment to someone else that really rips you apart!

My ego couldnt take the fact that someone else was put before me. I'd go and not regret it.

Yeah but...... if you've got kids and a secure, pleasant cosy lifestyle, there's more to consider. I'm not saying "stay and be a mug" regardless, it's just that sometimes it's more complex.

i would think that a fling would be worse than a affair for me to cope with.

i dont believe that we all have a soul mate and we will stay with that one person and live happily ever after without ever having a cross word, of course there will be times when someone who is special to you comes along and if you are at a low point in your marrige it must be very difficult to turn that person away. especially if its not only about sex but actually being able to talk to that person and have them listen to you (if you are not getting this from your partner at home)

i could understand dh risking the marrage much more in this situation rather than throwing everything away on a quick shag.

either way though he would still be out the door