Would you leave your DH if you found out he'd had a fling?

[mummyjaguar]

Just wondered following on from other threads what most of us would do.

I agree KS, that it takes strength to stay, but for me, I'd want to go but be afraid of coping alone - financially and emotionally.

It depends. Not if it was just a stupid mistake. But possibly, if I thought it had meant something to him.

That's my worst fear girlfromars, that I end up stuck in a damaging relationship because I can't afford to leave. Having witnessed that one at first hand over most of my childhood is my logic behind my contingency plans. BTW, knowing that about myself took LOTS of therapy! I used to just think I was a man-hater!

I honestly can't say. I do think that our relationship would have to be in a really bad way for him to even consider having an affair in the first place, so if it happened we'd probably have more problems than just the fling to sort out.

oooh not sure. Would be a little numb at first, but the perverse nature of my character, would actually make me sit up - it would be like a wake up call maybe, cos tbh I think we take each for granted, and forget to be 'nice' to each other sometimes, or polite, or respectful. Me more so, not sure though.

I think it would break my heart, but the wolf in me would fight back, and start behaving myself.

I don't know. But I wouldn't definitely leave straight away. I think because I've been rather too close to the wire the other way, I know that things aren't always as cut and dried as it seems.

I don't know. As others have said it would depend on the circumstances - I wouldn't leave if it was a one-night stand but if it had been going on for years I'd probably consider it.

Would he leave if the shoe was on the other foot? I would expect so.

I think so yes. The trust would be gone. And without trust, what's the point of putting all that effort into a marriage?

Yes!

My father had affairs too.
So no, DH is aware that it's one strike and he's out. I've made it clear that this marriage is totally conditional.

if he refused to finish it or was emotionally involved yes

I never knew how I would react until it happened.
And it was the worst kind, emotional and physical. They had known each other for 5 yrs and always got on very well. And then it crossed the line and was going on for at least 6 months before I knew (God, you feel such an idiot!).
Dc being involved changes things. You want to give it one more go for them, and we are but dont know how the story ends yet .
You dont realise how big a part "trust" plays in your relationship until it has gone.

If it was a fling he regretted / had ended / was happy to end, and he wanted to stay, then yes, I would stay.

If he wanted to go, then I would not 'put up a fight' IYSWIM.........

I would not put either of us through the emotional wringer of saving a relationship which, ultimately, cannot be saved (agree with Anna888's point that it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and they have to work at it every day) but neither would I walk away from a relationship that could / should be saved because of a mistake....

I don't believe in making 'getaway' plans though. When I married my DH, I absolutely and utterly intended it to be for life and I absolutely and utterly believe he made the same commitment to me.

I don't know. I don't think so. Lots of variables to take into account.

My ex had a fling and I did stick with him for another six months. But really the fling was a symptom, not a cause of our problems and in the end I left with the DCs (now I'm remarried, have 2 more DCs and ex is one of my best friends, so a happy ending - they do exist ).

I don't think anyone in a good, happy marriage would randomly have a fling - there have to have been some issues beforehand, even if the other spouse didn't realise. And sometimes the fling is a wake-up call to sort things out, sometimes it's the final nail in the common. I could forgive my ex, because things were pretty bad between us, but I couldn't ever really forget it.

coffin, not common

he would be the one doing the leaving, no second chance no looking back. something we've both said form the outset based on past experience. same would go if i was the one cheating

neither of us would be able to forgive the betrayl and i would certainly only ever see him as a cheat

i have every admiration for people who can genuinely get past something like that, i just have a venegeful nature and doubt very much i'd be able to

never gonna happen though

Message withdrawn

I would leave. And I would take him for every penny I possible could. I have made so many HUGE compromises for him that if he betrayed my trust in that way there would be no way I could forgive. He knows it too. (I have also threatened to do a Bobbit on him but I don't actually mean that bit!)

Probably .....

I think the key to the subject is the "if you found out" - much worse a crime than a confession, isn't it?

No idea. I'd like to think so, but probably not. And tbvh, it would be because I couldn't manage on my own and I'd need the help with the kids and the house etc. I'd make him pay though...

Oh, forgot to add, as far as he knows, if he tried anything I'd chop off his watsit and make him eat it while I rubbed raw onion into the stump.