Both married and fallen in love

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I need some advice! Ive been married 26 years, I am 48 with 3 kids aged 16-24. My husband is a challenge, he is decent man but he is very uncaring towards me and quite cold to others. He works in a public profiling role and I disagree with a lot of his comments. I have met man thru work. He is a couple of years older with kids in their twenties. He has been married 28 years. His wife is uncaring towards him and has depression. I completely and utterly love this new man, I love him in a way I've not experienced before. He feels the same. Both of us are scared, we do not want to hurt anyone. How do you navigate this with the least amount of hurt.

End the affair.

1. Dont have an affair
2. Dont spend any time or contact this man at all unless you absolutely have to and then keep it professional
3. Leave your Husband

Thats what you need to do

You do not involve yourself further with the other man in any way other than professional.

How can you describe your husband as a decent man when he is himself uncaring towards you and quite cold to others?. It does not make sense. If your marriage is unhappy you only need to give yourself permission to leave it.

Be on your own and do not further use the other man here as some sort of an exit affair from your marriage. How do you know he feels the same and his wife suffers from depression, he could well be spinning you a line here. He’s still with her and I would think her version of the truth is quite a bit different.

Exactly this.

How do you navigate this with the least amount of hurt?

You don't because you won't be able to control the pain of others. Nor will you be able to manipulate how this news will land for others and how they will respond, short and long-term. It really and simply is what it is.
People will get hurt. There will be fallout and tremendous pain combined with the strain and complexities of two divorces. There will be no short cut. And there won't be an easier option.
It's like Going on a Bear Hunt: "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we're just gonna have to go through it.”
It'll be a limb removal without anesthetic for everyone but after a while, everyone will get used to living without the limb and accommodate for it. Everyone will heal and recover in time. It's a tough road ahead.

You either have to end your marriage or end your affair. You can't have both without causing maximum pain and a lot of regret.

Sounds like your marriage isn't making you happy? Maybe explore that with your husband before blowing it all up.

This

You only have this man’s version of events re his own marriage anyway.

Anything other than the above advice will end up destroying two families forever. Its not just about your feelings

This.

As others have said .
End the affair. Both leave current husband/wife and sort through all the things that will come from that.
Then in the future see where you two stand when single.
Your children probably won't be so kind if they find out about the affair and the extra hurt it causes will have a longterm effect.
Best just keeping it to yourselves.
Also longterm your children will be hopefully more welcoming to new partners if they don't know about the affair

Separate your feelings for this new man from the dead end marriage with your husband.
Do the right thing. End contact as much as you can with this new man.
Once you're both divorced you can still see if there's something between you.
Figure out if you want to stay married or not. Don't jump into a new relationship until you've worked through whether you're willing to be alone. That way, even if things work out with the new man, you'll still be happy to be single and no longer stuck in a loveless marriage.

Talk to you husband, leave him if that is the answer.

Do not have an affair the pain it causes is devastating it never leaves the cheated on partners. What will you kids say if they knew you cheated on their dad and yes they will find out

Google limerance the guy you are in love with still shits, complains and has the ability to cheat.

1. If your marriage is not salvageable, end it.
2. After your divorce is through, start looking for new people to date. If this man is also divorced by then, you could date him.

Change your job and forget the man who is cheating on his wife.

Stop any contact with this man or keep it work only if you have to talk to him because of work.
If you want to end your marriage, end it.
Do not have a relationship with the other man unless both of you are single.

Yep this basically says it all.

Bets in now though that OP ignores all this sensible advice, has an affair anyway, leaves her husband, spends the next six months in limbo while Other Man assures her he's definitely going to leave his meanie pants wife, then finds herself back here all surprised Pikachu face in a year or so when he reveals he had absolutely no intention of leaving his wife and bins OP off. Not to sound like a cynical old bastard but I've seen it happen too many times.

Also, my mum and dad divorced when I was 16. They were much happier afterwards and it was much nicer being around them. If your marriage isn't positive your kids will be impacted anyway, I don't believe in staying married is better for the kids if the marriage is a bad one.

But lies and deceit do cause a lot of hurt, so whatever you choose, do it as fairly and as kindly and as honestly as possible.

To add, do not believe the 'uncaring wife'. The 'wife ... has depression' is a grim reason for an affair. Tying yourself to a man who thinks that was about his partner is perhaps unwise.

This

It’s too late to stop anybody getting hurt.
Stop your affair. Stop contact with this man.
Leave your husband.
You will find happiness but you are currently on the wrong path.

This “love” is an actually lust.
Have a read on mn on other threads where affairs are leading to abandoned partners committing suicide then imagine that is your husband.

How do you navigate this with the least amount of hurt.

You don’t have an affair. Leave your husband if he is not the one for you. Leaving someone for another person will cause the most amount of hurt possible, it’s hard enough when someone leaves but knowing it’s for someone else is a whole new level of pain. Whilst you are with your husband you need to have zero contact (unless you need to for work but it needs to be minimal). Does the new guy plan to leave his wife?

This. Also for clarity you haven’t fallen in love, you are having an affair

End the affair, end your marriage and start divorce proceedings, support your children. Then and only then, further down the line, start a relationship if the man has done the same as you. Your other half's and children deserve you to respect their feelings and do things in the correct order.

If you are unhappy with your husband and are very sure that it can't work anymore between you - divorce him. You cannot have an affair and "not hurt others" as that is not possible. Cut contact with this other man in the meantime. If you are really "meant to be" you will find each other again later when you are both single and free to date again. That's my advice. Do not continue with a secret relationship whilst married to another person as that is really unfair and disloyal to someone that you once loved, married, and had children with. Give your husband the respect that he deserves and divorce him before you cheat on him.

I highly doubt he will leave his wife, he's already set the groundwork by saying she has depression. When push comes to shove, it will be all "oh I really really want to leave but I can't because she said she'll kill herself."

He wants the best of both worlds.