I need to hear the stories of it not working out with OW

[randommum82]

I'll keep a very messy situation as short as I can. Six months ago exBIL walked out on my sister and two very young children after an affair and very soon after moved in with the OW. He's done the whole script, rewriting history etc etc. The truth is even though they were struggling, to her face he was making all the right noises, going for marriage counselling but never actually planned to save the marriage at all because he was seeing the OW all that time.

I am boiling over with rage for my exBIL and the OW. They have disrupted the lives of four very young children (two in each marriage - she is getting divorced so they can live their grand love) just to get their ends off, not to mention the wider misery they have caused. We are a close family and it has broken everyone's hearts not only to see my sister suffer like this but also to realise someone we loved so much (exBIL) was a deceitful cheat and liar all this time. It's so very shocking.

exBIL went from who we thought was a gentle, calm soul to actually being a very immature and very toxic manchild. If anyone stands up for my sister in their wider circle, he takes it out on her and verbally tears her down. So we all hold our tongues.

Please make me feel better by sharing stories of how badly this went for the cheating dog and their OW. It will give me a lot of satisfaction. I've never wished anyone misery. But I do for my exBIL and his cheap tart.

Tbh, a woman seeking/having an affair with a married man could be considered 'misogynistic'.

Committing such cruel and selfish act against an innocent woman, often scarring them for life is utterly abhorrent.

We have The Script for married man, why not one for the OW? Why should they get away with shitty behaviour. Personally I'd like to see them in stocks in the local town square/village green alongside the errant low life husband.

There are ways to end a marriage, honourable decent ways which don't involve shagging the first available female out that has equally low morals and standards. Perhaps this is why 80% (seen quoted on several occasions) of affairs don't last. The couple get together, primarily for the attention sex brings. They can't see further than their genitals and rapidly realise they are totally mismatched elsewhere and have absolutely nothing else in common when the limerence fades.

@Angrymum22

You must be talking about my next door neighbour. Well known for her lack of morals. One wife sat outside her house with full beam headlights trained on her window at 11.30 at night, it was also on our windows too. This harassment went on for a few weeks, then the wife and daughter beat her up on her front doorstep. We were away so missed the fun.

Just to add, we live in a fairly wealthy area and the wife was driving a brand new Range Rover at the time.

Unfortunately our NDN hasn’t learned her lesson and continues to pursue wealthy “misunderstood” husbands. She plays the constant damsel in distress. She has tried it on with DH, who loathes her for different reasons.

Christ alive what's wrong with you??? You support people breaking the law and beating someone up for engaging in unsavoury but perfectly legal behaviour?
It's not the woman's morals that are the most warped here. It's yours.

@Cattery

This 100 per cent
People want to believe it won't last but there are many many cases where it does. People just find this a bitter pill to swallow so like to believe it never works

I didn’t say I support her being beaten up. We were not there to intervene, if we had been at home, I would have called the police. It was only after it happened that the whole story came out.
I don’t like the woman but I would not have stood by and watched her being beaten up. Perhaps I should have said consequences rather than fun. Sarcasm does translate on MN.
My post was to point out that our NDN has the same form as the woman in the PP’s post.

*doesn’t

Well I know someone where he cheated on the wife who had 4 kids with him and it was horrible for them. He cheated on his wife with one of his staff in his company and moved on with the ow going on fancy trips etc. Soon we found out he had passed away at 50 and just a month before they were declaring love to each other during his 50th birthday celebration. The ex wife got everything I believe company shares too. The ow occasionally shares sad stuff online . I knew the ow through work and I used to work with the man. The ex wife is now with someone nice I've been told now living her life on fancy holidays. I left the job before all this unfolded but had suspicions at the time with the ow and the boss. It's sad all the way around especially for the kids.

My ex left me for someone younger i mean she was 15 stared when she was 14 he was 32 yes he went to jail she waited for him but 10 year on still together 3 kids wonderful life so it looks.
She can have him it took me time to get over it and the shock.
It took a few years of being on the outside for me to see what sort of man he really was how much control he had over me now im grateful he left.
All the pics on SM all the omg your my world i think thank fuck i only wasted 9 years with him.
I wish them both well tbh because she will need it when the rose tints come off and she wakes up.
But then he has so much control.
Im just pleased im free.
And cant care any less about the whole thing.
NUMBER 2
My own sister ran off with a married man with 3 kids.
They have been together 26 years now 2 kids of their own never been happier.
His wife remarried the love of her life 12 years later i went to her wedding she said i wished he bugged off sooner.
Sometimes it works out sometimes it dont each have their own tale to tell.

Of course you're angry and an anonymous internet forum is a perfectly sensible place to give vent to feelings you suppress in real life because you're too busy supporting your sister, OP.

My story is about a friend's mum and dad. Whilst we were at uni, it came out that the dad had been having by an affair for six years (during which time the mum had been the main breadwinner for health reasons as well as main carer to the four kids) and was no leaving to live with OW. The whole family was devastated, it was an awful time.

17 years on, the dad died very young (I think exacerbate by alcoholism but not sure about that), I don't know if he was still with the OW but he had almost no relationship with any of the four kids and the one time I met him he seemed like a hollow man. The two brothers wouldn't even see him. The mum married a really lovely (younger and very attractive!) guy, is close to all her lovely kids and just living her best life being her warm, witty and gorgeous self.

I think we all have to reckon with what we've done in one way or another OP, and sounds like your BIL deserves all the anguish that that will bring him, when it happens.

It’s exactly what popped into my head when I read op’s post. Also his stunning ex wife met an absolute hunk a few years later and looks blissfully happy now. I’ve always rooted for her.

I think it’s odd you are so obsessed by your XBIL that you are posting about him six months after he split up with your sister.

Of course some affair partners split up after a few months. Some after a few years, and some never. They live happily ever after. Just like any other relationship.

I hope your sister isn’t as consumed by bitterness as you seem to be.

What a nasty, pointless post.

This thread really has attracted the weirdos contrary holier than thou types, hasn't it? Presumably they're all too rational to give into emotional distress. All of you look like the people in the wrong here, not OP

@randommum82 i was absolutely devastated when i had to watch two women very close to me go through this. One in particular I waited for some sort of karma to fall on him.

The lack of empathy and compassion on mn can be off the charts. You have every right to your feelings which are perfectly normal.

And the constant picking up on one rude word and shouting ‘misogyny’ is just so tiresome.

Time we started talking about the real misogyny behind colluding with an (arguably) abusive married man to remove another woman’s personal agency and right to informed sexual consent!

I hope you do read and realise that you are not alone and plenty of us know exactly how you feel!

And also people with some weird ideas about sibling relationships too.

Reading MN is so depressing sometimes.
Do people really think like this?
Is it really that odd to be bloody angry with a man you welcomed into your family who then betrayed your sister by shagging another woman behind her back?

And to feel anger towards the OW who contributed to the family break up?
And is it so odd to not be over those feelings straight away?
Because the fall out lasts for years.
Anyway, the OP is long gone. And I don't blame her.

If he was miserable and unhappy enough to want to leave, why is his wife pregnant? I didn't read that thread but I would have advised the op to make it clear she is not an option, at all. There's no such thing as the one..there are a plenty enough people out there that someone else will come along for her and he can at least try to commit to the family he made.

It may work out or it may not but I wouldn’t focus on them, focus on the fact your sister will be happier in the long run now she’s no longer with a cheating twat.

My ex left me for the OW who was also married and moved in together two weeks later. It lasted 5 months.

I'd say the majority don't work out, or if they look like they do it's because the H and OW are trying to save face but are miserable together. My neighbour had an affair, she left her husband for the OM, they got married etc. been together 10years now and they absolutely hate each other. But they broke up their families to be together so they won't split.
I get the hurt you are feeling, and it's a normal human emotion to want to see the person who hurt you to hurt as well. However, I would try and keep the focus on your sister, and you would be better off reading the threads from divorced single woman about how much better lift is man-free.
Did you know single woman tend to live longer than those that are married?

My ex met another woman on Tinder. They lasted maybe a year on and off. He said she was sex mad. Like that was a problem for some reason. She also didn't like the fact he wanted to spend time with the dcs.

He is now with someone new. Met her again on Tinder within weeks of dumping the ow. My dcs like her. She's nice to them. So I am very glad to be rid of him and perhaps his being with someone nice is better for the dcs.

I honestly feel so happy that I got rid of him? I am SO happy I am single? Having the time of my life. At the moment I wouldn’t like to remarry or cohabot like ever! Who knows I might change my mind in a few years of course. But at the moment I am super happy.

The stats are something like Ken cheat 7% more than women. That's not a lot of difference. So presumably you rail against the misandrist and abuse towards men when it's the woman who cheats?

@angstypant that Ken certainly gets around…

FWIW I actually have no time for cheating full stop. I don’t like the removal of personal agency OR right to informed sexual consent for men or women. I personally think it’s abusive and I don’t have time for anyone male or female who engages in it. Cheat, OW or OM.

But that wasn’t the context of my issue with some of the comments on this thread. But you know that…

Unfortunately, I’ve seen marriages work with a cheater and the other woman and vice versa
your issue is with him rather than OW