How to get him to stop arranging dates short notice

[Shortnotice]

It's early dating, has only been a month but the last 2 weeks , he's been trying to arrange dates at really short notice, as in that day, wtf! It's now Friday and he will probably text at some point over the weekend to see if I want to meet up this weekend. It's annoying because I would like to see him.
How much notice would you expect to meet up with someone even just for a quick coffee date? I'm starting to feel like an after thought. It's annoying me and I want to get him out of this habit but don't know how?

Just tell him that you are busy & need more notice

Maybe you're his Plan B.

@theshellbeach he works crazy hours but I don't think that should be an excuse

I agree, you are his fall back option.

Are you ever initiating arrangements, or are you just waiting for him to do so?

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks no I don't initiate dates , I would rather the guy do it to be honest, especially in early dating

How much notice would you not accept?

Then when he contacts you this weekend say I already plan but perhaps next weekend we can do something.

It sounds like you’re his plan b when no one else is available but if you’re not putting any effort in to meeting up I’m not sure why you expect him to do all the planning just to then complain. If you want things planned in advance, use your voice

@Changeiscomingthisyear good idea, I'm not meeting him this weekend if he gets in touch

I would need very little notice for a coffee, but I would also continue my life as usual, so I might not always be available.
I would not be afraid to initiate dates, but I like to feel a bit in control!

There are two options here: he has more than you in the picture or he is so busy that he honestly cannot/isnt capable being more proactive. Having said that my now DH was very busy with work during weekdays but he still agreed on our next date during the previous date so I always knew we are meeting on Saturday evenings.

You suggest the next date? It won't be as frustrating if you take the initiative more.

If his short notice doesn't work for you, just stick to whatever other plans you had and say "sorry, already doing something, maybe we can do something on instead?" Don't rearrange your stuff to fit him.

If he works crazy hours and doesn't actually have time to be a decent boyfriend, it's probably better to find that out now than try to train it out of him.

All these games. If you are available and you want to meet up with him do it. If you are not available tell him you need a little more notice next time.

Do you not talk to each other?

If you aren’t willing to make arrangements yourself, and aren’t willing to tell him you want more notice, you’ve got two options: be at his beck and call, or don’t be.

It shouldn't be this bleeding difficult so early on.
😂

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks definitely choosing to not be his beck and call and will tell him I need more notice next time he gives me a few hours notice. That's the only way he will learn

If you aren't trying to plan dates, you can't really complain when he's trying to. Either suggest a time yourself, or just leave it. 🙄

I don’t think it sounds like the relationship for you.

Last minute invites are annoying, but I think someone who doesn’t care enough to even bother arranging them is a big red flag. Perhaps he arranges last minute as he’s waiting for you to show a bit of initiative. I wouldn’t bother planning something with someone who didn’t like me enough to even bother arranging to meet up.

Does he ever plan stuff more in advance?

I think there's a difference between "we've got a date organised for 4 weeks time, but he messaged today to see if I was free" and "he doesn't arrange anything in advance but hopes I'll be able to drop everything to meet him when he messages" and a whole spectrum in between.

Depends what is, who it is, how it's done.

if someone pinged me now, and said, "I'm finishing early today, fancy going out for dinner?" Today it would be fine, Tuesday I'm already busy. So as long as they don't mind me saying no, it's okay, if it's like a bonus date.

However, if it's every time, rather than extra to some planned dates, that would be me thinking they're not a long term prospect. Some planning ahead is good.

Game playing, trying to Pavlov’s Dog him, and being so submissive is a really unhealthy basis for a relationship OP. Have you been reading The Rules or something?

Why is this such hard work? You don’t initiate dates and when it’s left to him you don’t like spontaneous dates. You’re not really a match are you?

The best date I ever had was a lunch date that was awesome and didn’t end until 5pm, then we both went to our own homes. And I had a text at 7pm saying: “Sorry if this is a bit too much, but I didn’t want our lunch date to end - do you fancy dinner tonight?!” One of the most lovely romantic things ever.

The obvious thing is just tell him that you’re one of life’s planners and need X amount of notice for a date, or better still initiate a date yourself, men like to feel wanted too.

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks I'm not being submissive if I'm not agreeing to meet him at his short notice

I would just lay polite boundaries - ie that would be great but I have just made plans, how about next weekend. Then name a date in advance.