How to get him to stop arranging dates short notice

[Shortnotice]

It's early dating, has only been a month but the last 2 weeks , he's been trying to arrange dates at really short notice, as in that day, wtf! It's now Friday and he will probably text at some point over the weekend to see if I want to meet up this weekend. It's annoying because I would like to see him.
How much notice would you expect to meet up with someone even just for a quick coffee date? I'm starting to feel like an after thought. It's annoying me and I want to get him out of this habit but don't know how?

@JustFrustrated if they are being flaky, inconsistent, then no I won't initiate a date

Noone likes short notice, especially in early dating.

Not everyone is the same. It doesn't bother me. Dates come second to everything else I have on, but if I were free and someone asked, I could be ready in about 15 minutes.

I've also had, "you're too busy to date," but he hadn't proved himself to be a great person by chat by that point, so no loss.

Sometimes people are available at short notice though? But there isn't a problem if you're not, just say so. And tell him everything you've been telling us, I don't know why you can't communicate to HIM something you find important.

Lots of people don’t mind short notice at all, especially in early dating. Thrill of the chase and all that. I once met an ex at an airport for a date because his job required him to travel at a moment’s notice (maritime insurance) and he could be away for weeks. He lived in Hampshire, I lived in London, he was told he needed to fly from Heathrow at 10pm to Manila at 10am the same day and texted to ask if I fancied a drink at Terminal 4 (think it was 4, it was a few years ago now). I jumped on the tube, met him at 3pm and we had a very nice date until it was time for him to board! Led to an eight year relationship…

And again what’s wrong with replying ‘no I’m already out tonight but I could do Monday/Thursday/next Saturday if you’re free’.

If you want things a certain way then just use words and communicate - it really doesn’t need to be so complicated

The point I think the OP is trying to make here is that she doesn't particularly want to be kept dangling around all the time like a muppet, waiting for a call at the last minute that might not even come at all.

At the moment he thinks he can do all the things he wants to do, and when he runs out of those and has a couple of spare hours, he can ring the OP and expect her to drop everything to fit in with him. That isn't terribly respectful is it?

He doesn't know that because the previous times he's asked you at short notice, you have made yourself available.

But why is it ridiculous if you’re free anyway? I don’t see any issue with this to be honest, if you’re busy then you say “sorry I’m busy, could have with more notice”, if you’re free anyway then why not go?

@Mrsttcno1 that's fine to do the odd spontaneous date, but if it's a pattern and they keep asking me just a few hours beforehand if I would like to meet them then no I don't like that, even if I'm free and could technically meet them.

You like to organise your lives differently. Pass on this one or you could end up married and moaning about this exact same thing.

Blimey I’m autistic and struggle with change and even I’ve managed a spontaneous date or two! I came back on the dating scene after being married for over a decade.
DP and I met online. DP and I live about an hour from each other and both have DC, so generally dates are planned in advance. This isn’t set in stone but we usually assume we’ll see each other alternate weekends. When we started dating, it wasn’t that clear. One day his childcare plans changed and we were both child free for a few hours. I invited him over, he left an hour later and we still say that was one of our best early dates! Basically we jumped at the chance to see each other.
I felt like there was a lot of game playing in terms of who messaged who first, arranging dates in modern dating, lots of game playing. When I met DP, it just wasn’t like that. If we were free, we wanted to see each other. He usually messages first in the morning but if I’m awake first I will. No games, no worries about who is initiating or who went first last time. He was a breath of fresh air. We’ve been together almost 2 years now.
Honestly I agree with pp. I don’t you and this guy are compatible. You want someone who plans in advance. He needs someone who can be spontaneous due to his work schedule.

@StarsBeneathMyFeet I don't think too many women would be compatible with his preferred method of dating , asking someone if they are free to meet in a couple of hours , each time.

This sounds very fun!

Maybe he wants to see you but presumes you aren’t interested as you are not initiating or would quite like it if you pulled your finger out and asked him…
Tbh if I was him and you never asked for a date I would not be jumping at the opportunity to see you again either

My lovely, it doesn’t matter what many or most women would like, though. You don’t like it. And that’s perfectly fine, we’re all entitled to our preferences. Just let him know.

Personally, I’m not averse to a spontaneous date if I happen to be free (this is harking back to my single days). However, if he was only ever asking for last minute dates and never up for planning anything, I wouldn’t continue seeing him.

She wouldn’t be hanging about waiting to see if he was going to get it touch if she’d dropped him a line midweek and said ‘I’ve plans Friday night and Sunday daytime, but free Saturday if you fancy doing something’.

Genuinely baffled that OP and so many PPs seem to think it’s an outrage that she should be initiating any contact.

OP might find that her man starts asserting his boundary not to date a princess who doesn’t show any discernible interest in him.

When you say no why don't you suggest an alternative day?

This may just be the way he is. Alternatively, it might just be that you’re not that much of a priority.

Either way, if you’re not happy with his dating style move on. For yourself.

Ah thanks, it was! Extra frisson from the last minuteness and due to him having to catch a plane. I went home on the tube that night with the biggest grin, partly due to the wine consumed and partly because in my head I was playing out the kiss before he went airside… felt a bit like I was in a film!

I think he’s more interested in something or someone else and contacts you when that falls through. Given you won’t initiate and you won’t agree to dates on his timescales, this clearly isn’t going to go anywhere.

I imagine you're not exclusive yet so he might be messaging others. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Depends what you both want.

Well he's not exactly bending over backwards either, is he? He just expects to click his fingers and for the OP to be instantly available whenever he can fit her in.