How to get him to stop arranging dates short notice

[Shortnotice]

It's early dating, has only been a month but the last 2 weeks , he's been trying to arrange dates at really short notice, as in that day, wtf! It's now Friday and he will probably text at some point over the weekend to see if I want to meet up this weekend. It's annoying because I would like to see him.
How much notice would you expect to meet up with someone even just for a quick coffee date? I'm starting to feel like an after thought. It's annoying me and I want to get him out of this habit but don't know how?

You’re being submissive if you never say to him ‘I’d like to see you at the weekend. Shall we go for a walk to that nice pub I mentioned’.

At what stage of dating do you think you’ll start voicing your needs?

When he does it just lie and say I'm really sorry but you have plans but can meet on X day to give you a few days notice next time so you can pencil them in

when dating I’d expected to be booked in advance for prime time not being hit up on a Saturday to go for a flat white when he’s bored

start being a bit more busy

Totally agree. I don’t understand not just saying ‘sorry it’s too short notice for me but are you free next Saturday’

I just don’t get the game playing and being so passive then complaining about what he’s doing whilst putting in zero effort.

@TwistedWonder I am going to start saying it's too short notice when he messages me that day to meet that day. It's ridiculous

Why can’t you suggest an alternative day to him? I don’t get how you can complain about him not planning when you’re not giving him anything back

I never ever accept short notice dates. For me if it's got to Thursday and he hasn't asked me about the weekend, I won't be seeing him. It stinks of waiting for a better option to come along and then slotting me in if not - which I won't accept.

Next time he asks just say 'I'm busy. If you want to see me I'll need more notice next time'. Repeat each time - for as long as it takes to get the message.

If he continues to refuse, move on. You're his backup option

OP, I don't think he will learn... he's already shown you that he doesn't prioritize seeing you. That won't change. People plan the things that are important to them.

Throw him back in sea and find someone who does prioritize you.

Just say "stop arranging dates at such short notice"? That surely isn't hard to communicate?

I'm terrible for arranging stuff at short notice (not dates), I know it's an annoying thing to do but I only ever seem to be able to plan a few days ahead.

It would piss me off too.

Just say "ah what a shame, my friend(s) have just been in touch, so maybe next weekend?

That should get him to think next time!

Why should he be the one initiating all the dates? If you want to have a relationship of equals then surely you start as you mean to go on...

But yeah tell him you need more notice. No need to be at his beck and call.

Lol, wants dates, and wants dates with plenty of notice, but won't plan dates herself because "man's job".

Wants to walk in a building, but won't open door, because man's job. Archaeologists find bones and name them "woman looking at door".

This just sounds like stubbornness. Equality. You're perfectly capable of asking him yourself.

This.

I think you’re over complicating this, OP. Just tell him it doesn’t work for you and you would prefer X amount of notice. Direct communication.

This is utterly pathetic.

He wants to see you. You're turning him down but won't even meet him halfway and suggest an alternative date.

Good luck!

Value yourself and your time more!

Back in the days when my friends and I were dating, I had a friend whose rule was to always say you're busy the first time they ask you out (even if you have no plans other than PJs and sofa).

That way you can test how keen they really are. If they like you they'll always suggest another day. If they don't, you know that you were just a filler.

Plus it makes you seem like you have an interesting life and are in demand.

The point is, don't be too available. Do you really want to give the impression that you're just sitting around on a Friday with no plans, waiting to jump at his command?

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots he's texting me on the day and asking to meet that day, he's done this about 3 times. Of course I'm going to turn him down if he keeps doing that

You're his Plan B and/or he's already in a relationship and can only see you if the opportunity presents itself.

But why not just go "Can't do today, how about next Tuesday?" It sounds like you're expecting him to just psychically know when you're free.

And I don't really see the issue with short notice either. He's finding himself with some free time, and his first thought is to ask you out. Isn't that a good thing?

Why? Genuine question.

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots surely he would know I'm not available at a few hours notice to meet with him , anyone with any sense would expect that there is a slim chance you will be available to meet them at a few hours notice. Noone likes short notice, especially in early dating.

@saveforthat well with how he is behaving , it's making me much less inclined to initiate a meet up. I would be expecting him to say, oh I don't know yet, can I let you know, with how his work hours are.

No, I think you'll find it is called having boundaries. And I don't think you quite understand what being submissive means.

The OP doesn't want to be sitting at home waiting to jump when he says jump.

You sound hard work OP. I don’t think you have to worry as he will soon get bored if you don’t return any effort.

If you're in the Doncaster area I know who this is 😂

I think you're being a bit petty. Do you always refuse to initiate?

Why would he know that? Admittedly its been 20 years since I've dated, but I'll quite often get in touch with friends or family and say fancy a drink this evening, and get a yes from them. It's probably about 50/50, same when they contact me.