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Relationships

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Original poster

DM not approving of traditional marriage celebration after divorce/ child

78 replies

DMDRAMA · 13/09/2024 14:33

This really getting to me and I feel the need to vent.

(For context, I have DC who considers DP as the only father figure in his life. DP had a relatively amicable divorce, and his EW had moved on to her current partner before we met through OLD. DP has lovely DC we have 50/50. So fairly low drama blended family)

My DM generally very much likes my DP of 5 years. She can't seem to get to grips with his divorce however. She has only recently stopped referring to his ex wife as his 'wife'. She makes comments like 'he has another family', like I'm a mistress.

We are planning on getting married in a church. DM keeps stressing how she would never get married in a church if she had got married before - she would make it a low key thing and go to a registry office. She was discouraging me from wearing white.

She seems to think a divorcee and known fallen woman (as a former single parent) should not be celebrating!. I feel its really putting a downer on things for me.

(DM is still of working age by the way - almost a gen Xer, so I don't think it can be explained as a generational thing)

OP posts:

isthereaway · 18/09/2024 09:03

DMDRAMA · 13/09/2024 18:22

@triballeader

Thanks for this, I talked to the Priest about this, and for various reasons I think with a lot of effort it would be doable, but I don't want to pressure DP to jump through a lot of hoops right now, and stir up difficult emotions for something he doesn't believe in.

Our local CoE church wouldn't be a problem.

Edited

I'd explain your (perfect logic, perfect decision!)
to your Mum. Tell her you'd love for her to come along, with others who are happy for you, & Celebrate your Church Marriage. Ignore 'input'.
I hope you have a meaningful & happy Day.

Twistybranch · 18/09/2024 11:50

MonsteraMama · 18/09/2024 08:31

Translation: I'm a mean, judgemental person so I assume everyone else is.

I wouldn't roll my eyes and I don't know anyone in my peer group who would. It's 2024, so many people are on their second or third marriages at this point it's just not something anyone who has better things to do than be snidey and judgemental of other people's happiness bats an eyelid at.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage OP, you do whatever you want and have a wonderful day. If your mum brings it up just tell her "that's nice mum, if you ever get remarried you can do it in a blue dress at the registry office. This is what we're doing though, please don't spoil it by being judgemental."

Show quote history

Judging me about judging, declaring yourself non judgemental?

NoThanksymm · 19/09/2024 23:20

Who cares. Just don’t get married in her church.

or have a huge freaking thing, not in a church. Are you even religious?

Maybe get her into a history class on all the horrific things the Catholic Church has done. Or remind her that white was appropriated by the ‘pure’ and isn’t a religious tradition - it was a very wise fashion statement by a smart queen.

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