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Original poster

OLD - men who don't ask questions...

70 replies

Rosiecidar · 11/09/2024 18:57

Simply the title. On Bumble so I have to make the first contact, I will say hello and ask a question relating to their profile or a picture....the guy responds but doesn't ask a question back, so I will ask another question on the back of an answer then another reply.
There seems a lot of guys who don't seem to show any interest in me but gush about their trip/hobby/sport. Any ideas, I have literally sent messages saying " anything you'd like to know about me ?"
Is this a red flag as I tend to give up on them.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 11/09/2024 19:01

I’ve noticed the same and even if you ask a question it tel making them totally ignore that and reply something generic like ‘morning’ or ‘hello’

I even had one this week reply with a gif of Mr Blobby saying ‘let’s paaaaaarty’

I delete if they can’t engage in back and forth conversation

Sfxde24 · 11/09/2024 19:02

Yes. (Red flag)
Showing interest in someone else? It’s a basic lesson in how to be a caring human that I remember learning in my teens.
They’re not interested in you as a person. Just going through the motions.

OffensiveUsername · 11/09/2024 19:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

hollyhockfield · 11/09/2024 19:03

Good way to filter them out.

User364837 · 11/09/2024 19:04

I find this, plus whether they are smiling in their profile pictures is an extremely effective filter, almost too effective as hardly anyone remains! I did manage to find one though - miracle!

Original poster
Rosiecidar · 11/09/2024 19:06

Some engage by sending a picture of quite a funny explanation such as "yes it's in x place, my DD took it, I didn't know, but we had a great trip" but that's fine after message 4 I just wonder if they have no social skills...

OP posts:
ThriceThriceThice · 11/09/2024 19:08

I found this a lot when I was on Bumble, not sure if it’s worse there than on other platforms. I did wonder if it attracted more of the men who like to take the back seat and let the women do the work. Anyway, if they didn’t ask a question that indicated they’d either read my profile or were engaged in a real conversation after two contacts I’d just let it drift.

I did meet someone on Bumble (who I am now with) eventually - he was engaged and interested from the get go. It was a breath of fresh air!

OhDearMuriel · 11/09/2024 19:36

I wouldn't try to draw blood out of a stone by principle.

Apart from it being sheer ignorance on their part, it's exhausting.

User364837 · 11/09/2024 19:43

It also reminds me too much of the marriage I left 😆

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 11/09/2024 19:45

If they just respond to my question with an answer and nothing else, I used to say something like "well that's the end of that conversation then!" But now I just don't bother replying. It takes away my will to live!

OlivesEveryDay · 11/09/2024 20:48

It's quite tiring. Joined hinge just over a month ago and so far have only managed one decent conversation with a man there..Sadly it only lasted 24 hours as he met someone else IRL (fair play he didn't drag it on any longer than that with me but still disappointing). But was honestly starting to wonder if I'm the problem and just really boring or impossible to have a conversation with!

Honest00lad · 11/09/2024 21:16

If they don't know how a conversation works then good luck having a relationship with them!

TwistedWonder · 11/09/2024 22:41

I know Bumble a bit different because women message first but I’ve always had a rule with OLD that anyone who just messages hi, hello, good morning or sends an emoji as an opening message gets instantly unmatched.

First impressions count and to me they're setting the bar as being low effort from day 1.

Healingsfall · 11/09/2024 22:59

I've found this too on Match! I thought it was just me! It's really tedious, and you'd think someone would want to put in the effort to ask about you to get a date.

One guy I spoke to on there last week didn't ask much, so I asked him what he was looking for on match? He said a relationship hopefully. A couple of messages later he said "oh but I'd definitely like to kiss you all over!" I deleted him. I'm no prude, but when a guy says that when he hasn't even asked how old my kids are or anything about me, then a relationship isn't what he's after!

Rainbowqueeen · 11/09/2024 23:00

Probably means they just want sex. Best to block and move on

Autumnweddingguest · 11/09/2024 23:06

TwistedWonder · 11/09/2024 19:01

I’ve noticed the same and even if you ask a question it tel making them totally ignore that and reply something generic like ‘morning’ or ‘hello’

I even had one this week reply with a gif of Mr Blobby saying ‘let’s paaaaaarty’

I delete if they can’t engage in back and forth conversation

I once listened in on a train to a man 'advising' his friend how to do OLD. The friend clearly wanted a relationship with a woman and wanted to chat to someone. The advisor made him start chatting to about twelve women in the space of a half hour journey, and was encouraging generic replies he could send to them all at once, and then demand a photo. The nice man was getting flustered and trying to question the point of this but the bossy one just overruled him and explained this was a numbers game - keep sending out loads nad loads of chat until one woman agrees to a revealing photo then hook up with her.

It was revealing and depressing.

badgerpatrol · 12/09/2024 00:16

Unless they look like David Beckham did 15 years ago then they need to be able to hold a conversation.

OlivesEveryDay · 12/09/2024 07:56

TwistedWonder · 11/09/2024 22:41

I know Bumble a bit different because women message first but I’ve always had a rule with OLD that anyone who just messages hi, hello, good morning or sends an emoji as an opening message gets instantly unmatched.

First impressions count and to me they're setting the bar as being low effort from day 1.

I only joined bumble this week so very early days but have found that even more draining than hinge. At least on hinge you can see who has liked you (one at the time) whereas with bumble you can't see that so struggling to get matches there. Of course it's mainly my fault for swiping left 95% of the time.. but of the three matches I have had two didn't respond at all and the third one started telling about his wife who had left him only six weeks ago.

shellyleppard · 12/09/2024 08:01

I'm trying old on Facebook.... the latest thing is love bombing. The guy.... I'm going to spoil you, take you out for the day. 🤢🤢 No asking about what I like/don't like etc etc. think I'll just stay single lol

BlastedPimples · 12/09/2024 08:02

I have been on three dates in one year.

It was draining. No interest at all in me. Just all about them.

BlastedPimples · 12/09/2024 08:03

Posted too soon. I just can't get arsed with one way conversations. It's boring and tiring.

The world is full of drains and radiators. And I'm too cynical and weary to try and find the radiators.

TwistedWonder · 12/09/2024 08:08

Healingsfall · 11/09/2024 22:59

I've found this too on Match! I thought it was just me! It's really tedious, and you'd think someone would want to put in the effort to ask about you to get a date.

One guy I spoke to on there last week didn't ask much, so I asked him what he was looking for on match? He said a relationship hopefully. A couple of messages later he said "oh but I'd definitely like to kiss you all over!" I deleted him. I'm no prude, but when a guy says that when he hasn't even asked how old my kids are or anything about me, then a relationship isn't what he's after!

I tried Match as I was advised the paying sites attract a better quality of men. Absolute waste of money.

it was same men as other sites all just telling you what THEY want, getting the hump when I didn’t respond within about 3 minutes, the one word messages and the ones claiming to want a relationship but really just wanting sex after 5 minutes.

OlivesEveryDay · 12/09/2024 08:09

@BlastedPimples at least you have managed to get a few dates out of it, I am not even managing conversations!

Solotwo · 12/09/2024 08:12

Throughout my life I have found this is the same with men in general whether online or not. They are much more interested in themselves than they are in you. My ex would zone out when I was talking to him about something important to me.

Teanbiscuits33 · 12/09/2024 08:17

A lot of men seem to claim that they used to send detailed personal messages but they stopped bothering because they were getting very few responses after making an effort and so they no longer bother. I can kind of see that side of things too, but also I think a lot of it is to do with the fact they don’t want to get to know anyone beyond surface level because most just want a hook up so don’t deem proper conversation worth it. I really value conversation so it’s a shame, but I gave up on OLD a long time ago!

Then you have the ones who are just a bit dim and can’t have a conversation if they tried. OLD is just a depressing shit show for myriad reasons, the apps don’t want people to form connections, they are designed to keep people single and using them perpetually.