OLD - men who don't ask questions...

[Rosiecidar]

Simply the title. On Bumble so I have to make the first contact, I will say hello and ask a question relating to their profile or a picture....the guy responds but doesn't ask a question back, so I will ask another question on the back of an answer then another reply.
There seems a lot of guys who don't seem to show any interest in me but gush about their trip/hobby/sport. Any ideas, I have literally sent messages saying " anything you'd like to know about me ?"
Is this a red flag as I tend to give up on them.

When I told one guy I'd been single for 3 years he said "oh sorry to hear that." 🤨 What an odd response. I replied "no it's been great! Would really be single than settle for a nobhead."

Excellent reply

This. Imagine never being asked anything about yourself ever again. I know they could bad socail skills, or anxiety or something else but that's not going to change. If you want someone to show a genuine interest and deep conversation then don't look for men who just bang on about their own topic. It's like think I don't man who smokes but hanging around to see if they really smoke.

Ask a question, if they don't answer ask again then I'd give up. Aren't they supposed to be trying for a good first impression? Yet from the off not really listening.

To cheer you up

To quote Shirley Valentine

They feel they have to take over the conversation. I mean, I mean with most fellas if you say something like, like my favorite season's autumn, they go oh, oh, my favorite season's spring and then you've got 10 minutes of them talkin' about why they like spring and you weren't talkin' about spring, you were talkin' about autumn. So what do you do? You talk about what they want to talk about. Or you don't talk at all. Or you wind up talking to yourself.

I wondered if it was Bumble, as the only way to start a conversation is for the woman to make the first move...I get that it's easy to answer one question in a closed way "yes that picture was taken in Greece last Summer" but it's every question with some guys.
I actually find I get more dates on Tinder where I never make the first contact.

Men can actually send the first message now but only if you match but I’m not sure many of them realise that.

I thought it was something that Bumble was considering but didn't actually implement..

It’s been in place a couple of months I believe. I’ve certainly had a few messages from men - none of them any good though 😂

That extract above is straight off the website so if it's out of date it would explain why few men are messaging!

Just to say....Woman are just as bad!

Nearly all of my opening Messages ( to me ) are hi, or hey. I then write a long engaging message back and I'll more often than not get a one or two word reply.

@Londonguy84 not sure woman are as bad...but to be fair I get very few messages that say just Hi and I wouldn't bother replying to those.

What I am saying is that I get quite long, interesting messages and I reply asking a question and then get another message back but not asking me anything...men just seem to be interested in telling me their opinions without engaging.

I don't think it matters what the opening message is as long as it's polite, even'hi'. People have different experiences and get jaded and want to check there's someone there before getting into it. It's if someone doesn't get into a reciprocal and engaging conversation after you respond it is never a good sign. I'd give them a couple of messages then leave it if they aren't curious about you. If they don't know how conversation works there's nothing you can do at this age.

Thank you for this! The wisdom of Shirley Valentine is timeless. I just LOVE that movie/play!

My husband and son say women are just the same. Trouble is some people on dating sites just don't have any social skills which is why some of them ate there. My husband said I was a breath of fresh air as I asked questions and messaged like a normal person.

It’s a great movie and I find the older I get, the more I identify.

I went to Santorini earlier in the year and I totally felt like I could make my home there and live in peace

I'm jealous - I haven't been able to get to Greece as yet, but it's been my dream destination since I was a teenager (I'm now 54). If I didn't have close family here, I'd pack up and go in a heartbeat!

I have one dickhead acquaintance who used ChatGPT to respond - lots of first dates, no second dates.

I've been reading Caitlin Morgan's book What About Men. Interesting analysis of why men like to exchange facts during conversation rather than talk about emotions or feelings.

I wonder if that's the issue with OLD... perhaps try talking about the gears on your bicycle or where you get your car MOT'd..!

I think I have had an AI response it ended " do I sound like your dream man ?" -

I had one like that. Every time I tired to start an actual conversation he just replied ‘what’s your perfect man’ or ‘do you like tall men with shaved heads’ (like him)

I just said to him look I’m not having an inane Q&A session. If you want proper conversation it’s go from there.

He sent me a 👍and then ‘do you own your own place’

Unmatched

The idea is you're meant to arrange a date quickly. Not a-z life story via a clunky app. Most men seem devoid of much lead on from a Hi. Many seem better in person.
DP was a veritable chatterbox and still is.

To present the other side.

When you've been on OLD a while, and have chatted to probably hundreds of people, a Q&A session is extremely dull.

I probably wouldn't respond to something like 'what do you do for a job?' Or 'Oh that photo is lovely, where is it taken?' Because it's probably been asked a hundred times before and it's just dull.

I much preferred random nothing ness as a way of getting to know someone, finding out their humour etc

That's not to say I don't engage, and there isn't back and forth; but Q&A?- no thanks.

I haven't been on for a while so can't quite remember but the blokes I most enjoyed were where we straight in to a completely random conversation about elephants or biscuits or whatever.

Perhaps your second message is too long?

Maybe just a few chatty lines instead?

It doesn't have to be about emotions and feelings to have a reciprocal conversation.