OLD - men who don't ask questions...

[Rosiecidar]

Simply the title. On Bumble so I have to make the first contact, I will say hello and ask a question relating to their profile or a picture....the guy responds but doesn't ask a question back, so I will ask another question on the back of an answer then another reply.
There seems a lot of guys who don't seem to show any interest in me but gush about their trip/hobby/sport. Any ideas, I have literally sent messages saying " anything you'd like to know about me ?"
Is this a red flag as I tend to give up on them.

I agree. If someone writes an essay I switch off

Just a bit of back and forth chat works best I think. And not multiple messages that drives me mad.

Ive been really busy at work today and a guy I had a very quick exchange with last night has sent me 5 messages during the dry which I’ve not replied to and his last one says I’m obviously busy chatting to other men.

FFS that’s such a red flag imo that someone you’ve not even met comes out with stuff like that.

That's such a poor reflection of his mindset. Please delete him.

I have. Thats an immediate red flag for me as well as the ones who check when you’re online or comment because you’ve not replied fast enough.

Imagine what they’d be like to date if you dared not be at their beck and call

I found myself single after 15 years..when I felt ready, I ventured into OLD. I mostly used Bumble and Hinge. I met someone about 6 months after I first started. I liked Hinge because you could message about a specific thing they’d added to their profile as a conversation starter. I would usually try to message with something chatty about their profile. I’d say I only had maybe 5 guys that seemed genuinely interested in learning a bit more about me (Bumble keeps track of your record for initiating conversations and I think I had about 50, plus any from Hinge!). I actually met DP on Bumble banter so it was relatively quick fire, then we matched. Conversation continued with mutual conversation and questions. He did ask me a bit about how I got into my field of work and I joked that it was like a job interview! 😂 But he was genuinely interested and that’s continued. We want to know what’s going on on each other’s lives. That’s why I decided to keep him 😉
Seriously though, I do think many people on OLD are single for a reason! They are only about what’s in it for them and they don’t make much effort to get to know people. There are decent people on them but you have to wade through the crap ones to find them.

I've noticed a massive change in OLD over the last 20 years (a decline, that is).

In the past few years, I noticed that a lot of men just talked about themselves. Some non-stop! I've lost most of my hope of ever having a relationship again 😕

My friends who did OLD pre 2020 said they noticed a massive change during lockdown.

Maybe more people tried it out of boredom rather than with any real intentions?

@TwistedWonder

I've noticed an increase generally in men's arrogance, sense of self-importance and desire to exert their authority, typified by Trump and Bojo and encouraged by the likes of Andrew Tate.

Men are getting a BIG message (via the above and porn) that only they matter.

They're very poor role models. I don't know any lads who look up to them.

Could I ask all the previous posters if you consider yourself more or less attractive than these men? I think the dynamic is that the less attractive person does the chasing. it is my theory anyways.

This is spot on. Men see conversation with women as a necessary evil to get sex. If they want to talk, they can talk about football/hobbies with their mates.

Pitiful, really.

I used to play the game and see how many questions I would ask before they took Any interest in me whatsoever!!
Now I match their energy (so "Hi" gets met with "hi" and so forth) and I have also told some that I'm sorry, but I want someone who offers more communication. (This usually gets met with an apology or a "I'm just new to this" or "I'm just shy", but nothing changes, so I stop messaging).
Occasionally you find a good one who has good communication skills and does not expect me to make all the effort.

I found this with bumble!! It’s probably the only app I’ve been on where men don’t seem to ask any questions (whereas on the other apps they send multiple messages normally)

I agree. I sometimes match every. If they say hi I reply hi. If they send that bloody 👋 they get a 👋 back.

Mh profile says that communication is really important and that I need someone who can hold a conversation but lets be honest men very rarely read profiles, they just look at the photos anyway.

Sadly, I have found this to be true.

And best of all, it was written by a man 😁👏

This is a people thing right? I have a partner that loves to ask questions and discover things about every person they encounter. I have family and friends that never ask me anything whatsoever about me, and instead just wax on about this, that, the other, their interests and their pet peeves. I could probably be replaced quite easily with a cardboard cut out.

@Lizzie67384 @ThriceThriceThice I wonder if the laziness is more prevalent on Bumble, not sure if it's the men who are entirely to blame, I think Bumble's marketing is at fault to some extent as it sort of suggests woman are in the driving seat, also there's very little information on the app, much more on the main website which obviously no one reads.
I had a guy yesterday, great banter then he said he didn't know where to take things as I hadn't suggested meeting...I think he genuinely thought that was on me.
I met a guy IRL who asked me to dinner after meeting at a party, he had done lots of OLD and said he normally waited for the woman to initiate going out and after a first date expected her to hint at wanting to go out again - admittedly this guy was a complete player but for some reason quite reserved in OLD.

I've just had one of these today - on Bumble.

We were chatting for a bit yesterday and tentatively arranged a date.

I told him something I was interested in today and asked how he was. What's his response? Three random pictures of what he does for work!

I'm not replying to that and he can forget about a date.

They don't help themselves!

Oddly I had the same with a guy who sent me a screenshot shot of a teams call...

Oh my god nooo!

I can't believe you weren't enchanted by that 😂