is this financial abuse

[Brieonlybrie]

H is earning ok-ish (50k in a poor area not the expensive SW). I earn about 18k plus gets disability benefits for the DC.
We cope fine financially with the income we have but H and I are having issues. We both have a good amount of savings (this is relevant).

H has announced yesterday that he will not to contribute to the household expenses anymore as he has paid more than me for many years (I couldn't earn more due to caring responsibilities - he refuses to help out with the DC). He now expects me to fulfill all financial obligations (household bills, food, expenses for DC such as clothes, dinner money) from my limited income plus the savings I have. He has not specified how long he expects this arrangement to run. I would be able to do that for little while due to safety cushion in my ISA. The DC would not go without at all for a limited amount of time (several months).

Is this a form of financial abuse? Or fair and square. Would it be counted as financial abuse in law? He says it's fair as I have savings (his savings are much higher than mine). I believe I should not have to dip into my ISA to feed the DC when we have enough money coming in. Thoughts? I am not seeing the wood for the trees right now and happy to be told I am unreasonable. Just need a sanity check really.

I’m sorry OP, yes this is financial abuse.

Text book financial abuse
sorry :-(

If he doesn't want to contribute to the household finances then he needs to get the fuck out the family home. What a prick.

You need to start divorce proceedings.

he is refusing to leave unless I pay him, cough, 40k. I don't even know where this figure is from. He is refusing to leave the house otherwise and is terrorising us with his mind games. I don't know how to get rid of him. The 'i am not paying anymore' is the latest....

i will. I just wondered if this would be financial abuse in law as well (if that makes sense).

Yes it is. Look into what benefits you would get if you separated and also what maintenance payments you would be due for your dc from him. Understand what your financial position would be.

it wouldn't be worse than now where he is contributing zilch

Definitely begin proceedings asap. I would text him to say you cannot be responsible for 100% of household and child related costs, if he replies take screenshots for your records.

Its abusive and outrageous. I fear he is doing this as prep for leaving you. But for him to say he should have no responsibility for financially supporting the household is ridiculous.

He blocked me on all channels. I cannot communicate with him.

Have you contacted Womens Aid or your local Domestic Abuse agency? Please do, they can advise you the best way to proceed. I had not read all of your posts when I posted but can see this is exactly what you describe, terrorism. Which is abusive. And which is illegal. Please get some advice asap.

he earns ok in a cushy public sector role. I should be able to get child maintenance via CMS? my main problem for now is that he is refusing to move out. I don't know how to get rid.

He has checked out of family life, not contactable in an emergency. Seek legal advice on how to remove him from the family home. Do not buy food for him!

not yet. On my list. I have been doing this shit too long. speeding up now.

Definitely financial abuse. And how are his house and his children suddenly completely your responsibility? Imagine if a mother suddenly announced she would no longer be contributing to the care of her own children in any way. Why some men think they can get away with this is beyond me. Absolutely ridiculous.

They really are your best option now, better even than MN. You need to separate from this abusive man asap and they can advise you to your rights. I hope it works out for you. And I am so sorry you are being treated like this. He sounds like he is trying to drive you out.

i don't think so. he spends next to no time looking after the DC. going on holiday alone. he finds them a burdon. hence I have no idea what his motive it. he wants to be free, not the main carer.

Well, he has said you can buy him out so he is clearly trying to end this- or rather to make it so unbearable so you end it, and then he can play the victim. Rather than posting any more, maybe call WA or your local agency now? Not that you should not get support her, but they will be more help I think.

Yes, this is financial abuse. Divorcing him would certainly make things a lot better for you and a lot worse for him financially.

What's his is yours - you are married. It makes no difference who contributed what in the past, and I bet you did the lion's share of housework and any childcare.

Is he not living in your house with you?

yes but not talking to me. he just lectures and rants and I am not allowed to talk back otherwise he gets more irritated. So we cannot talk about things.

Does he not realise that you BOTH created these children.

If you went to work to make the money to pay the bills either he would have to give up work or you would have to pay someone else to look after them.

You are giving up your wage to care for your JOINT children.

Your husband in an abusive pig. Ring women’s aid, get some help and get rid of him.

This is appalling. Please seek assistance.

It sounds like he’s deliberately trying to push you to divorce him. Maybe so that he doesn’t get accused by others of abandoning his wife and disabled child.